𝐑𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐧 𝐇𝐨𝐨𝐝 ~ 𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐮𝐢𝐥

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲

ROBIN COULDN'T SLEEP.

She tossed and turned, trying to find a comfortable position. When she did, the pillow felt too soft and the mattresses were too cold. For the fifth time, she turned around and rearranged the pillow, but nothing seemed to work. She could count to a thousand or mutter every single meditative mantra she could think of, and it would all prove unsuccessful.

Because the problem wasn't that the bed was too comfortable or that the moonlight made its way through the curtains. The problem was that her mind wouldn't settle. It just seemed keen on working nonstop, bringing up memories to flood her thoughts, haunting her and her past mistakes.

The past.

She hadn't thought about it in a long time. She had tried not to, at least. And she had gotten away with it, most of the time. But ever since she had woken up from her visit to the Gardens of Lórien, the memories played over and over again, as if they were mocking her.

In a way, she found it incredibly ironic. After all, the Gardens were a place to find peace and rest, but she had found neither ever since. On the contrary, her soul had become more restless.

And she hated it.

Because no matter how many days had since passed, sleep was something that had become hard to come by.

Perhaps she had always been restless.

Looking back, she realized how long she had been hiding the truth from herself and pretending to be okay. It was rather obvious if she thought about how she had managed to lead her thoughts astray for so long.

During the day, she would just busy herself with everyday tasks, like training and studying. That was easy, seeing as she was constantly meeting new people and going on small adventures here and there.

Meanwhile, it was usually at night when she planned pranks. That way, her brain was busy calculating and planning, rather than focusing on things she didn't want to think about. And she liked it like that, because it was a way of pretending that there was nothing else to worry about.

It was a coping mechanism. She knew that. But how could she not find that sort of escape after everything that had happened? It was the only way her brain could block the pain.

It hurt to remember.

It was all too vivid inside her head, the memories playing over and over again, as if they were mocking her. She was forced to rewatch that part of herself that she hated the most. And the worst thing was that she was the one doing it to herself.

So she just laid there in the darkness, overwhelmed by things she wished she wouldn't think about. She could blame insomnia all she wanted, but she knew it was her troubled thoughts that kept her restless, weighing heavily on her soul.

And as the tears streamed down her face, all she could do was wonder if someday she would find peace of mind.

➵ ➵ ➵

Robin wandered mindlessly through the Elvenking's halls.

It was very late, but she had no idea of what time it really was. It didn't matter as long as she didn't come across anyone. And she was pretty sure she wouldn't, seeing as almost everyone was asleep, except for the guards that were on night duty.

Her feet worked on their own, as her mind and heart were too busy fighting to even notice where she was going.

Her past life was not something she liked to talk about, or even think of. She had tried to ignore it ever since she had appeared in Middle Earth, figuring she would just start fresh. After all, how could painful thoughts and memories help her in this life?