Please love me more than I hate myself||Hyunchan ff

2

„Hey,hey relax a bit, we're just going to have some fun..."
Hyunjin POV 
No, no I didn't want that...
He continued moving his hand up my thigh, and I started to move away from him, but he stopped me
„Stay!" he commanded me, and I was too shocked to held against him. He hovered over me and put his other hand around my neck.
I hated people touching my neck, it was something I always disliked. But he didn't care, in fact he started kissing me roughly. I tried to turn my head away but his grip around my neck tightened.
„Stay still!" he said in the same tone. He moved his moth to my neck and started biting my skin. It hurt and I felt tears building up. Then suddenly he stopped, and I thought he was bored or something but he had something else in mind. He put his hands under my shirt and pulled it over my head. A shiver went down my spine, and I tried to cover myself up, but he didn't let me. He turned me and laid me down onto my back, him on top of me. His eyes went down my body
„You gained weight, you are ugly and disgusting, lose that fat, or I will punish you more than you can even think about." with that he bit my skin again and all I could do is let the silent tears fall down my cheeks like snow falls in the winter, cold and lonely...

(Timeskip to the next morning, cause I don't want to be more detailed, but I think you know what happened next)

A blue hand was visible on my neck, a bruise from his hand, like he was still touching me. I was standing infront of the bath mirror, disgusted by what I was seeing. I felt fat, dirty and used. After what happened last night I went home. Everybody was sleeping and luckily no one woke up by the sound of my sobs.
„Hyunjin hurry" Changbin knocked on the door.
I calmed myself down to answer him
„Yeah, coming." I said and searched for some make-up to cover up my bruise. My dad often had female hosts and luckily I found what I was searching for. I finished and went outside. The others were already sitting at the table to have breakfast and I sat down next to Changbin. I wanted to start eating when suddenly I remembered Simons words You gained weight, you are ugly and disgusting, lose that fat, or I will punish you more than you can even think about.
The knife fell down onto the table with a loud noise. I directly apologized and placed it next to my plate.
„You're not gonna eat anything ?" Changbin looked at me with a strict look on his face.
„Uhm... I actually don't feel so well today..." I started, actually not even lying. I saw his expression turning into worried.
„You sure ?"
I nodded in response and waited till everybody had finished to stand up and get my stuff for school. We took the bus and again I just listened to music, this time Smells like teen spirit by malia J. was the first one to take me out of reality.
As we arrived in school, I suddenly felt overwhelmed. I can't describe what exactly led me to do that, but I quickly went to the bathroom and  locked myself into a stall. I sat down on the toilet lid and took deep breaths to calm myself down. It worked and I opened the door. I was confused, what did just happen ?
The bell rang and disturbed my thoughts. I went to my first class and met Felix, Seungmin and Han. But the weird feeling didn't left my body...

Currently I was walking to the cafeteria because lunch break had just started. I wasn't hungry at all and just grabbed a small salad, to sit down with my and my brothers friends. They all talked a lot but I couldn't focus on their conversation. I just felt as if I hadn't slept in ages and suddenly I felt tears starting to build in my eyes. Somebody placed his hand on my shoulder but since I was deep in thoughts, I flinched hard on the sudden touch and the pictures from last night ran through my head. I got scared and moved away from the person.
„Hey, hey Hyunjin it's okay, it's just me!" Changbin smiled at me but I could still see the worry in his eyes. I mumbled a small
„Sorry." and moved back to my actual sitting position. He gave me another smile, and continued eating, it seems as he had forgotten what he wanted from me.
My phone buzzed and I froze. Slowly I took it out my pocket and looked at the display.
Simon
Ready for the next round? At my place at 8!
I swallowed hard, and suddenly I couldn't even finish the little salad...

I was shaking, my breath unsteady and tears streaming down my face. I just got back from Simons place and he did it again.
It hurt so bad, why did he do that. I felt so empty. I felt left, alone and worthless...
Suddenly I felt my tummy twist, and I rushed to the toilet to throw everything up, that was in my stomach.
„Hyunjin!" I heard Changbin behind me and soon felt him kneel down next to me. He flushed the toilet, cleaned my moth and embraced me into a big brotherly hug. I continued crying, but hopefully I could convince him, that I'm just sick or something.
„What happened ?"
„I-I don't re-really know." I stuttered.
„I just felt sick suddenly." He looked down at me and carried me into the bedroom. He placed me onto my bed, and wanted to go over to his own, but I held onto his arm.
„Could you, could you maybe stay ?" I asked, afraid to be alone.
„Sure Innie." he said calmly and laid down next to me. Surprisingly I fell asleep pretty fast, probably because of the exhaustion.
In the middle of the night, I woke up, crying sweating and scared. Changbin rushed up and put his arms around me.
„Shh... It's ok. Calm down Innie. Everything is okay..."

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Hiii
New chapter :) I hope you all enjoyed it.
Please do me a favor and take care of yourself.
C🌻