Please love me more than I hate myself||Hyunchan ff

5

To act as if everything was fine. As if I didn't just threw up my dinner. As if I didn't just cried in the bathroom hoping everything would suddenly be okay...

Hyunjin POV
I woke up, my throat was sore and as I tried to sit up straight, dizziness took over and I fell back into the sheets.
Fuck
I tried again and this time I was able to stand up, slowly, but it worked. I made my way to the bathroom, to see myself in the mirror.
Disgusting
Fat
I couldn't handle my reflection any longer so I turned around and got ready for school.
I went into the kitchen to see everyone already sitting at the table. I sat down next to Changbin and stared blankly onto my plate. Then I felt Changbins hand on my shoulder. I looked up and looked him in the face. He pointed at my plate with his eyes questioning why I wasn't eating. I indicated that I wasn't feeling so well and that I didn't want to eat. He didn't seem satisfied with my answer but let go of it.

I hated school. I felt the stares from the people around me burn into me like fire, so I took my earphones out and played burn it by Agust D on full volume. Then I sat down in the library and started doing some homework. One of my teachers got sick so his period didn't take place.
Suddenly a shadow fell down onto my sheets.
„Huh ?"
I looked up and saw a guy, with blond hair, beautiful brown eyes and a really handsome face.
And next to him, Changbin.
„Hey Hyunjin, we thought you would maybe like to eat with us? By the way that is Chan a friend of mine." i wanted to say no but I saw Changbins expression and knew I had to eat so he wouldn't be worried. So I packed up my stuff and stood up to follow Changbin who already started walking to the cafeteria. But I stood up too fast and that was my first mistake.
I got dizzy again, and trembled a bit, but a warm hand stabilized me.
I saw Changbins friend looking at me worried.
„Hey, are you okay?" I was confused. Why did he care for me?
„Ehm, yes. I just stood up a little bit too fast."
„If you say so..." and with that we followed Changbin into the cafeteria.
„And what are you going to eat?" Changbin asked me.
„I guess I'll just take a salad." And with that I went to get a salad, so Changbin couldn't stop me or make me eat anything else.
We sat down at a table, Changbin next to me and Chan infront of us. After about five minutes of him and my brother talking our friends came along. There were Minho and his boyfriend Han, Felix and Jeongin who also brought this guy with him I had seem with him often. They all sat down and soon Jeongin started talking
„So guys, this is Seungmin. A new friend of mine. Seungmin that are my friends. Felix, Han, Minho, Chan, and my brothers Changbin and Hyunjin." he introduced us. We all greeted each other and then continued eating. Well, some of us pretended. I had been staring at my salad the whole time till someone cleared himself.
„Hey, Hyunjin. You're not hungry? You should better eat something, you're already really skinny." Minho stated and some of the others nodded. I hated the sudden wall of attention and felt my hands getting sweaty.
„Mhm..." I mumbled and started eating. It was horrible. I mean the salad wasn't bad at all, but I just didn't want to eat. I finished it completely. Don't ask me why. I felt so horrible afterwards. My thoughts got out of hand and I soon felt myself chewing on my lip. Suddenly I had an irony taste in my mouth, fuck.
I got up and went into the bathroom. Hoping nobody would follow me. I looked into the bathroom mirror and saw blood dripping down my chin. I had bitten really deep. I took a piece of toilet paper and pressed it onto my lip. It hurt but it was nothing compared to the guilt that was eating me from the inside. Then I cleaned my face up and went back. Some of the others stared at me confused, but I tried my best to ignore it for this moment.
„Guys I have a great idea." The squirrel started talking.
„Since it's friday, we could all stay at our place, watch a movie eat pizza and you could also sleep at our place."
His idea was accepted with some happy nods. I personally liked it also, except for the pizza. If I eat pizza and I'm already this big, then they will think bad about me.
But I would find a way to skip this part. So we all decided to go home after school, pack our stuff and then meet up at their house as soon as we would be finished.
The bell interrupted our planning, and I went to history class with Han and Lix. We entered the room and soon I felt a hand on my shoulder. I got scared and jumped a bit.
„Whoa! Keep calm there." Jacob a guy from my class said. I just nodded still too confused, what does he want?
„So Hyunjin, I wanted to talk to you would you please come with me for a second?" again I just nodded and he lead me out the room by my hand. Which I didn't like, somebody touching me. That happened too often without my permission.
We were now in the empty hall and he placed himself in front of me.
„You are probably wondering what I want. It's really simple ok? I think you are really attractive and I would love to have you as my boyfriend, so what do you think? Do you want to be my boyfriend. I mean everybody would love to, so..."
I was shocked. That was definitely not what I expected.
„Ehm..." I started stuttering.
„I-I don't think th-that this i-is a go-od Idea." I mumbled.
„You think so hm?" he said stepping closer. Suddenly I realized, that my back was against the wall. He seemed a lot stronger and bigger then I first thought. I got really scared. What was he about to do? Would he do the same things Simon did? Or even worse? I wouldn't be able to take that...
My lungs got tighter, it became more difficult to breath, my hands started shaking, my legs soon followed.
What was about to happen?
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Hi
New chapter, hope you all enjoyed reading it :)
C🌻