Please love me more than I hate myself||Hyunchan ff

8

Hi, so I decided I want to try writing differently, let me know if you like it more like this or if I should stay with the old style😅
But now enjoy the chapter (hopefully) :)

Later that day we said our goodbyes and Changbin Jeongin and me went home. But I wouldn't stay long in that house. Simon picked me up an hour later. And I wasn't ready for him. To fuck me more up than I already was. Then thats what I am. A fucked up kid, nobody cared for...

Hyunjin was on panic mode. He hurried his stuff together, and ran down the stairs, out the door his boyfriend already waiting for him. As soon as he saw Simon, he put a fake smile onto his face.
„Hey baby, how was yo-" but he couldn't finish his question
„Shut up and get in the car!" Hyunjin knew he was in trouble so he got in the car as fast as possible, and just as he had closed the door, Simon stepped on the gas.
The whole car ride nobody said a word. Hyunjin too afraid he would make everything worse, and Simon too mad to say anything. When thy pulled up at Simons house, the older one got out the car opened Hyunjins door, pulled him out the car, and walked him to the house, pulling his arm aggressively.
They entered the house and as soon as the door was closed, Simon pushed him back to the wall. His head hit it and his legs started shaking. He could feel the strong grip on his cheeks as Simon pressed his lips against his own. He started moving down ignoring the younger ones words to stop. Soon he started sucking at his skin and ended up biting it. Hyunjin started to tear up. He had no control over this whole situation and a person he thought loved him was hurting him.
„Please, can't we do it another time?" he tried another time.
„No! You made me angry, let me wait for you. And I'm in the mood, so shut your mouth you useless slut." he whisper yelled into Hyunjins ear.
Then he pulled Hyunjins pants down and soon his own. Hyunjin let everything happen while tears were streaming down his face...

Their current placement was Simons bed. Both still naked, one happier than before the other one just more broken.
„Hyunjin? You know that you gained weight right?" Simon said while looking at him disappointed.
„I-I...I'm sorry I will try harder." he said while looking down his body. Bad idea. It was bruised from the older one, and in his mind he looked fat, and disgusting.
„Get up, make me something to eat." his thoughts got interrupted and soon after, his body got pushed out the bed. He whimpered because his body was sore and hurt, but he had no time to be careful.
„HURRY!!"
He went to the kitchen, made food and tried to ignore his rumbling stomach.
He finished preparing the ramen and called for Simon.
„Bring it to me!"
He walked to the room and placed the bowl in front of his boyfriend. Then he said down next to him without something to eat. Simon was looking at his phone while eating, so Hyunjins gaze went around the room, to land on the alarm clock
9pm
„You should leave. I want my tranquility." Simon said. He got up grabbed his jacket and turned around as he had reached the door, to see him sitting there, with his phone in his hand, eating the food he made him. That was the moment Hyunjin realized Simon didn't love him anymore. And that shit hurt like hell. He turned around and walked out the door.
Just as he got out the house he realized the situation he was in. It was night, dark outside, cold, a 5km walk to his home, and he was still in pain. But the only way home was walking. He wasn't able to take the bus, because Hyunjin knew he would just freak out, too many people, too stressful, so he started walking. He took out his phone and headphones and played Papercuts by Machine Gun Kelly.
After 1 1/2 hours he reached his home. He opened the door with his key and went straight to the bathroom. He looked into the mirror and was shocked. His eyes were puffy, lips swollen, hickeys everywhere, but the worst thing: there was a bruise forming around his neck that looked like a hand.
Oh fuck. Hyunjin didn't realize how strong Simon was and how harsh he was. He couldn't resist but start crying again. Everything hurt. His body, his mind, his heart.
He broke down infront of the mirror.
About ten minutes later he heard his mother call him for dinner, but he declined, saying he had already eaten. How could he eat something, after what just happened?!
But again something interrupted his thoughts. It was the voices from Changbin and his mother, they got louder and louder and it was obvious that they were fighting really bad. Luckily he was the only one who would hear them, Jeongin was at Seungmins place. Hyunjin couldn't stand people fighting he always had to cry. So this time. His tears got even worse but then he started to understand what they were arguing over.
His mother was accusing Changbin of not helping her enough, and Changbin got really angry about that. But Hyunjin could understand his brother. He always cared for everyone and was always there for their mother especially since his father had left them. Suddenly the argument turned.
„You have no right to talk to me like that! I'm your mother!"
„As if! You don't care for us, I'm the one who takes care of Jeongin and Hyunjin."
„Thats a lie!"
„No it's not! Or have you noticed whats up with Hyunjin lately, hmm? No you haven't because you just care for yourself!"
„DON'T YOU DARE TALKING LIKE THIS."
„I TALK HOWEVER THE FUCK I WANT! HAVE YOU SEEN HYUNJIN ? YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED LIKE HELL! HE LOOKS LIKE A SKELETON! HE HAS LOST A LOT OF WEIGHT HE DOESNT SLEEP ENOUGH, HAS NIGHTMARES. BUT YOU DONT CARE!" and with that he heard a door being shut and loud steps coming up the stairs, but his mother wasn't finished he followed Changbin till they were fighting in the hall infront of the bathroom door.
„HEY! DONT JUST WALK OFF WHILE WERE TALKING!"
„But everything I said was true! You don't care and Hyunjin would need you. I'm worried!"
„Pfft! There is nothing bad about him losing weight he needs to be pretty!"
That was the sentence that would be the reason for so many skipped meals, secret workouts and thrown up food, if even she didn't knew that at this time...
Hyunjins mind went blank he blocked out the voices, took his earphones turned Glass House by Machine Gun Kelly up to full volume, sat there shaking and biting the skin around his fingers. 10 minutes later they were shaking even worse and were bloody, every single finger. But that wasn't enough. He started picking at his lips. He bit really deep, ripping skin away, so that blood was flooding down his chin from the corner of his mouth. After 30minutes of sitting crying and shaking he finally fell asleep, into a world that was his escape from this horrible moment. His breath got steadier, but the pain in his body didn't slow down...
————————————————————Hi again ;)
I hope you're all doing okay, please take care!
I would be really happy about some feedback about that writing style.
C🌻