Afterglow- Steve Rogers

Part 1

Steve reached over and grabbed Y/n's hand giving it a light squeeze. He smiled at her widely as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"You need to move on Steve" She said softly.

"I can't" Steve sighed.

"You have to let me go" Y/n said pulling away.

She looked into Steve's blue eyes as they began to water.

"I love you" Steve sobbed.

"I know" Y/n replied.

.

Steve jolted awake his body covered in a slick sheet of sweat. It happened again.

He ran his hands through his hair and shut his eyes as tears began to drop. It had been weeks since Thanos' snap 'the blip'. Y/n had been the only thing on Steve's mind since then.

He missed her voice, her laugh, her smile, the way her eyes glistened in the light. He missed all of it.

Steve stood up knowing that he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep.

He headed into the kitchen.

"Can't sleep?" Natasha asked.

She was seated on the couch her arm draped over the back as she turned her head to see Steve.

Steve looked like shit, his blonde hair was messy and his beard was growing long.

"No" Steve replied leaning against the counter.

"You really need to shave" Natasha said.

Steve nodded and ran his hand over his chin.

"I know, I just can't be bothered" Steve sighed.

"Steve you can't just stay in your room all day" Natasha said.

Steve's jaw clenched and he shook his head.

"There's nothing for me to do" Steve said.

Natasha let out a sigh and patted the spot next to her on the couch. Steve shook his head and she raised her brows.

Steve caved in and walked over and took a seat next to Natasha.

"We're searching for Thanos, we'll use the stones to get her back to get everyone back" Natasha tried to assure him.

"Last time he crushed us like ants Nat, it won't be any different" Steve said.

"We can't give up" Natasha said.

Steve let out a breath and ran his hands over his face, feeling annoyed.

"We can't sit back and do nothing" Natasha sighed.

Steve turned his head to look at her.

"I mean I have nothing else to lose" Steve said coldly.

"Steve-" Natasha began but Steve quickly cut her off.

"What it's true Nat, Bucky is gone my family have been gone for years and Y/n well. She was the one thing I actually cared about" Steve shouted.

"And we could get them back" Natasha replied with a shout.

Steve shook his head and stood up.

"You think Y/n would just want you giving up" Natasha shouted.

She regretted the words as soon as they spilled out of her mouth. Steve glanced down at her and his jaw clenched.

"Don't" Steve said sternly.

He pointed his finger at her accusingly Natasha nodded and pressed her lips into a thin line.

"I'm sorry" Natasha apologized.

Steve didn't reply instead he walked out of the room and returned to his bedroom. He slammed the door behind him and planted a punch on the wooden door, he leaned up against it his heart hammering in his chest as the blonde tried to regulate his breathing.

"Fuck" He muttered.

He walked over and collapsed onto the bed his hands resting on his stomach. He tilted his head to the side looking over at his bedside table. The compass. Steve sighed and reached over picking up the bronze coloured compass. He flicked it open to see the photo of him and Y/n. He smiled sadly at the photo, he rubbed his eyes feeling them begin to water.

"I wish you were here" Steve whispered a ghost of a smile on his face.

He placed the compass back and picked up the paper ring, he had kept it of course. It being a symbol of their love. He wished it still rested on her finger, a token of promise. It is true what Steve said to Y/n he was going to propose after the battle. He had the perfect idea for a ring and the perfect place in mind to show her how much he really loved her.

He always thought that he came out of the ice a different person, a man no longer wanting family, stability but that wasn't true. He just hadn't found the right person yet.

Steve ran his hand over the curve of the paper ring, the white paper stained with the grey of her dust. Steve desperately tried to wipe it off but he couldn't. He slammed his hand against the bedside table dropping the ring onto it.

"Why you" Steve sobbed.

This was a question that had plagued Steve's mind ever since, why did she have to go. It was selfish but Steve wished someone else had taken Y/n's place. He hated being selfish but after everything he has done, he deserves to be a little selfish.

"It shouldn't have been you," Steve said.