Judy Alvarez/V oneshots

Dark thoughts ⚠️

Well my dudes I'm back. Finally. After several months, I moved to a new place, got a promotion in my job. I can finally chill and finish up these oneshots.
Trigger warning: suicide
Set a couple months after The Tattoo chapter.

*V POV*
My head was spinning with all these thoughts. I just want this to end. At this point I don't know if silverhand will kill me or if I will off myself first. Everyday gets more and more difficult. I don't want to die. Not at all. I have so many people here who want me to stay alive and find a cure.

What would Judy think if she found me dead on my bathroom floor? Or if Vic got a call that I dived headfirst into oncoming fire?
Misty would be so sad. I can't leave her either after Jackie. And mama Welles.... I don't even want to think about her. She would be disappointed.

I tensed as I felt Judy move in her sleep. Please stay asleep. I heard her quiet snores and knew she was asleep. I moved my arm in front of my face and stared at the disfigured tattoo. I slowly got up off the bed, careful to not wake Judy. I walked into my bathroom and closed the door. I leaned against the counter as I stared into the mirror, my eyes bloodshot and dark bags under them. I sighed as a couple tears slipped out.

Now that I'm thinking about it.

I do want to be dead.

I do want to die.

I sat on the bathroom floor with my head in my hands, tears pouring out of my eyes. I couldn't hold back my sobs anymore. This life is so pointless. I looked up at my bathroom counter and saw the omega blockers. I smiled a little at the thought of taking every single pill.
All of the sudden Johnny appears in front of me. He gives me a hard stare and just says one word.

"No."

"Get fucked, Johnny I'm done with this shit." I slowly got up and made my way to the pills, I was roughly pushed back against the wall.

"No."

"What the fuck do you mean no. It's not your decision. Don't fucking touch me." Every time I tried to move he would stop me. I heard a faint knocking on the bathroom door.
"Hey Val everything okay?" It was Judy.
"Yeah everything is f-fine. Just peeing." Johnny gave me a look.
"I'm coming in." Judy said as she opened the door and saw me on the floor.
"So you're not peeing. What's wrong?" I looked away from her, my gaze lingering on the tattoo.
"Val please talk to me." She softly grabbed my chin so I would look at her.
Once I looked into her eyes I broke down once again.
"I just can't fucking take it anymore. I want to die, Judy. I don't want to live anymore."
"Oh, V. Babe. I love you so so much. It pains me to hear you talk this way. We will find a cure. We will stop silverhand from overriding you." Judy hugged me. I cried into her shoulder as she held me.
She whispered in my ear as she stroked my hair,
"Everything will be okay."
"I love you."
"We will get through this."
We sat on the bathroom floor for hours just holding each other and crying.

I want to die but I can't.
It would hurt Judy too much.
That's why I'm going to try and stay alive for her.

"Stay alive, V. And never stop fighting."