retrospect

retrospect #4

JUSTIN'S P.O.V

my hands were shaking, my throat is drying, and unshed tears filled my eyes to the brim, blurring my vision a bit. everything seems to move in a slow motion and i almost couldn't hear anything nor make any sound. i tried my best not to cry as i drove to the hospital, breaking a handful of road rules just to get here on time. i made it to the ICU, where stell was being treated, as what paulo told me.

as i walked through the white hallways, my mind became even cloudier. i couldn't think straight anymore.

what happened? is stell going to be okay? is this a joke? some sort of prank before our big day tomorrow? why did this happen? why....?

as i turned at the corner to the ICU, i saw josh, paulo, ken, and apollo waiting outside the door. josh and ken are sitting down, paulo is standing by the door and apollo stays beside him, consoling him. the hallway was too quiet that i could hear my own heartbeat pounding on my chest. suddenly, josh looked at my direction, probably being aware of my presence.

"jah..." he said softly but since the hallways is empty, it echoed, enough for me to hear. the other three immediately looked at me. i stopped walking when josh ran to me, engulfing me in a hug as i cried on his shoulder.

"t-tell me he's gonna be okay.... josh... k-kakayanin 'to ni stell d-diba... diba.....?" my voice was hoarse and shaky. even ken ran towards us to join the hug. i couldn't even lift my arms to hug them back. i felt too weak... too weak to even move or speak... while my strength is inside that room, fighting for his life.

they guided me towards the benches outside the room and let me sit. josh offered a bottled water to me but i couldn't even take any strength in me anymore to do anything.
"a-ano bang nangyari?" i asked. they all gave glances to one another, probably contemplating on who should tell me. finally, paulo spoke up.

he sighed and knelt down infront of me, to my eye level. he held my hand before explaining and i could see in his eyes that he's in pain as well. "it was raining really hard and madulas daw yung daan. buti nalang may surveillance cameras sa bridge na 'yun. stell was passing by this bridge when a truck beside him lost control, pushing him to the side.... and falling directly to the river..."

i closed my eyes tight after he said that. lalo akong nanlambot....

"the impact was too hard, jah. when he hit the stone barriers of the bridge, it was too much that his head hit the window beside him.... and then his car fell to the river... and he... he drowned, jah..."

i put my head down, holding paulo's hand tightly. josh's arm around me tightened as well while i cried harder. i couldn't even imagine how stell went through all of that.

hindi ko alam kung.. kung kakayanin niya...

minutes later, the doctor went out of the room and we immediately stood up, walking up to her.
"are you, perhaps, justin?" she gently asked and my eyebrows furrowed, confused onto how she knew my name. she handed me a clear ziplock bag with stell's personal stuff.

"y-yes po. i'm justin de dios, stell's fiancé."

i looked inside the bag and saw stell's phone. oo nga pala... we have a polaroid picture at the back of his phone... and it has our names, stell&justin, on it.

"how is he po, doc?" i asked.

i saw how she sighed and my shoulders dropped.

"the impact on mr. ajero's head was too much that he developed a light subarachnoid brain hemorrhage."

"ano pong ibig sabihin nun, doc?" paulo asked.

"this type of hemorrhage occurs on the protective layers around the brain and the spine. the patient may experience neurological problems, such as issues with speech or memory."

"m-memory? pwedeng temporal lang naman po 'yun diba?" i asked, my eyes getting teary once again.

"we can't really tell that for now. kailangan muna magising ni mr. ajero for us to be able to tell kung ano ang magiging epekto sa kanya nung hemorrhage. but to be honest... we have no assurance yet on when the patient will wake up. i need you to understand... his condition right now is very critical. but we are doing our best to save him." she said and tapped my shoulder before walking away. ken hugged me and i wept again.

"my tulips... paano kapag hindi niya kinaya... p-paano k-kapag nahirapan siya ng sobra.. h-hindi ko... hindi pwede... h-hindi..." the words rambled in my mouth and i had a hard time breathing. they had to help me sit and calm down.

moments later, i did calm down a bit. the doctors still wouldn't let us enter the ICU because stell's condition is very sensitive so we had to stay outside the room for a while. josh and paulo stayed with me while ken and apollo went out to buy food for us. i didn't want to eat but they insisted that stell would be mad at me if i starve myself so i had no choice but to agree. tama naman sila eh.

i leaned my head on josh's shoulder as he held my hand tight.

"i'm scared..." paulo whispered. his voice was very raspy. i glanced at him and held his hand as well.

"kakayanin niya 'yun. sus, si stell pa ba? superman 'yan eh." josh stated which made us chuckle.

sana nga kayanin niya...

please wake up soon, my tulips. i will wait for you.