retrospect

retrospect #14

STELL'S P.O.V

i held the bouquet of tulips gently in my arms and the letter that i made for justin. my steps were heavy, my mind feels fuzzy, and my heart was tight, like it wants to get off of my chest to free itself. i never thought i would be walking in this place, going to the man that i love. never did i ever imagine that our lovestory would end like this...

i stared at his tombstone before sitting down infront of it, placing the bouquet below his name.

"hi coffee." i smiled and gently wiped a few dust on his tombstone.

i sighed as a tear escaped from my eyes. one... two... three.... and more tears came flowing out of them, making my chest tighten even more.

"sorry ah... ang tagal kitang hindi nabisita dito... hindi ko kasi matanggap na wala ka na... na iniwan mo na 'ko... na hindi na kita makikita ulit..."

i wiped my tears away with my hands.... because justin is not here anymore to wipe them for me.

"i uh... i actually wrote a letter for you... dito ko nalang masasabi lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. makinig ka ng mabuti ha? hindi ko na uulitin 'to kasi baka kiligin ka masyado dyan eh. sige ka, magagalit si Lord sa'yo." i chuckled to myself.

i breathed deep and held the paper in my hands and started reading.

---
STELL'S P.O.V

doing this fashion show is hard and the fact that we had to fly to New York while i'm still mourning over my fiancé's death, though it had already been 8 months since, makes it even harder. now i have to endure the pain again and stop myself from wanting to breakfown right here, infront of everyone.

good thing i have paulo with me who held my hand all throughout the trip and made sure i was doing okay. had it not been for him, I would've kept myself inside my condo unit and weeped for 10 years or so.

"you good?" he asked as we stood by the platform in the backstage, waiting for our turn.

i sighed and tilted my head to the side. "how do you want me to answer that?"

he chuckled. "professionally. you know you can pull this off, stell. i believe in you. justin believes in you."

i blinked when paulo suddenly cupped my face, wiping a stray tear that escaped my eye.

"justin believes in you, stell. you can do this."

i nodded. "i know. thanks, pau."

10 seconds on the clock and our turn will start.

3... 2... 1...

paulo and i started walking, maintaining a fierce look on our faces. that's the theme, after all. i just stared blankly into the crowd. it will never be the same anymore because justin's not there.

however, when i looked past the other people..... there he was... looking back at me with a huge smile on his face. he waved at me, mouthing a sweet 'i love you' and 'you're doing great' before giving me a cheerful thumbs up. justin smiled at me and waved again. tears started forming in my eyes and even though i wasn't supposed to smile, i still did.

the crowd suddenly cheered, thinking i smiled for them. i felt paulo look at me from my side and he gave me a soft smile as well. we finished the runway with soft smiles on our faces which the event coordinators didn't understand what for but he didn't scold us either.

before entering the backstage, i looked back one last time to the place where i saw justin. he was still there, smiling at me. he gave me one last smile before vanishing into thin air, leaving me with a comforted heart, knowing he can see me and that he's very proud of me.

thank you, my coffee.