retrospect

retrospect #5

JUSTIN'S P.O.V

i held stell's hand while gently brushing his hair with my fingers.

"you look perfect even when you're sleeping, tulips." i softly said, smiling sadly. some of stell's bruises have now healed but his left hand and right leg are still wrapped with a gauze. according to the doctor, he also had injuries there. his leg got stuck in the car that's why he couldn't get out so he drowned, based on what they told me.

good thing some people were kind enough to save stell. if it wasn't for them, i guess he wouldn't be here right now. and maybe i wouldn't have been able to take that. i can't live without him.

i leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on stell's forehead before sa tear escaped my eyes once again.

"i miss you so much, tulips... gumising ka na... please..." i sobbed, holding onto stell's arm, almost hugging him there. i'm too afraid that i might hurt him if i hug his body so i only stay beside him and hug his arm.

moments later, the door opened and i immediately wiped my tears away, hiding my face from whoever entered the room.

"it's us, jah." i heard josh speak from behind and i sighed. i don't need to hide if it's just them. i stood up, walked towards them and smiled. ken smiled back... but josh didn't. i know he's worried. but i'm not leaving. ken walked towards the couch and placed a huge bag with stell's stuff on it before walking towards stell and talking to him. the doctors said that it's good to talk to people in coma because their brain might be able to pick up the sounds around them.

meanwhile, josh held my hand before pulling me in a hug. i hugged him back for a while and sighed before pulling away.

"i'm fine, josh." i said, looking in his eyes.

i saw how teary his eyes got as he looked at me. "justin... it's been five months... hindi mo ba-"

"stop. we already talked about this. i'm not giving him up." i cut him off. i already know where this conversation is going and i'm getting tired of it.

josh's voice raised a bit. "but stell's already on life support, jah! kahit sila tita mylene-"

"wala akong pakialam! ang sabi ko, hindi ko isusuko si stell. hindi ko siya bibitawan. ilalaban ko siya, naiintindihan mo ba, josh?! hindi ko kayang bitawan si stell. hindi ko kaya..." my voice faded in the end as i lost my strength, making me kneel on the floor. i cried... and cried.. and cried.. as josh hugged me tight. ken walked towards us as well and i felt him rub my shoulder to comfort me.

"i'm sorry... i-i'm so sorry, j-josh... ken... pero hindi ko kayang bitawan si stell... hindi ko kaya..."

josh cupped my face, wiping my tears with his thumb. he was crying too....

"pero paano kung napapagod na si stell? jah, paano kung kailangan na niyang magpahinga..?"

i fell silent.

for five months, sabi ko, hinding hindi ko bibitawan si stell. kahit silang lahat gusto nang sumuko, sabi ko, ako, hindi ako susuko. hindi ko siya isusuko. pero... hindi ko naisip na baka siya mismo, gusto niya na palang matapos ang lahat ng 'to.

pagod ka na ba, stell? kailangan na ba kitang bitawan? hahayaan na ba kitang... magpahinga..?