Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 19 ~ Destruction

Lost in thought, Aurelia walked along the now familiar stretch of beach without paying attention to her surroundings. Last night, she had not been able to sleep a wink because the music of the imperial feast had continued to resound throughout the house long after dawn. When it had finally become quiet, the rising sun kept her from sleeping. So, she had decided to sneak out of the villa before her daily walk with Julia and find peace by the sea. To protect herself from the cold of the March morning, she had wrapped herself in a warm cloak.
As soon as she reached her favourite stone, which they had discovered a few weeks ago, she carefully climbed onto it and sat down cross-legged. Motionless, she watched as the sun continued to rise from the waves. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a movement to her left and was startled out of her thoughts. Hastily, she focused on her observation and was alarmed to see a Praetorian approaching. Bored, she returned to contemplating nature. If he was to take her back to the villa, then he should obligingly come up and carry her back. Voluntarily, she did not let herself miss this spectacle. Instinctively, she stretched her legs, grasped her knees and pulled them protectively towards her. Wearily, she rested her chin on her knees.
Sure enough, she heard the scraping of metal on stone beneath her, then someone sat down beside her. Defiantly she ignored him and closed her eyes.
"Falling asleep here is not exactly recommended," the young Praetorian tried to joke, and Aurelia glared at him, annoyed. Of course, she had recognised him ready from afar.
"Why are you here, Clemens?" she asked quietly, letting her eyes wander over the peaceful sea again. "Shouldn't you be at the villa looking after Gaius?"
Instead of an answer, the Praetorian only sighed and made himself more comfortable beside her. After a while he murmured that she would be part of his family and that he felt responsible for her. Surprised, she looked up.
"My sister Clementina is the wife of your adoptive father's nephew," he explained simply, and it took Aurelia a while to understand his words.
"Are you talking about Sabinus? Is he not the elder of my cousins, is he? It still feels so surreal to have a new family," she said thoughtfully. "I wonder if they will like me?"
He quickly answered both her questions in the affirmative. Openly he returned her gaze and a gentle smile spread across his pale face.
"I don't know any better people than the Flavians," he murmured, and she nodded somewhat reassured. "Will you please come back inside before our absence is noticed? I could get into serious trouble if Gaius is wandering around unsupervised."
Reluctantly Aurelia nodded and together they jumped off the small rock. Silently they made their way back. Suddenly she was terribly tired. For a long time, she could not hide this fact from Clemens' alert gaze. Without asking, he picked her up and carried her carefully to her room.
"I can go alone!" she protested weakly, but he only snorted.
"Just let me do my work, cousin," he replied. Then he whispered so softly she thought she imagined it. "Gaius would never forgive me if anything happened to you".
Carefully he laid her down on her bed and as soon as her head touched the pillow, she fell blissfully asleep.

Aurelia only woke up when Nara touched her gently on the shoulder. Sleepily, she sat up and registered that the sun was already very far in the west.
"Mistress, it is time to get you ready for the feast," Belana explained apologetically. When she asked how long she had slept, they both replied, "All day."
While the slaves were getting her ready for the feast, Aurelia registered with relief that Belana and Nara were having a halting conversation with her without her having to keep asking them questions. Willingly, they shyly told her about their families. Belana eagerly told Aurelia about one of the slaves responsible for the candlelight that Nara had her eye on. So, the curling, hair up and make-up was really fun.
"This can never be my dress," Aurelia gasped in horror as she looked down at herself. Of course, the girls immediately inquired anxiously what was wrong with the dress. Stunned, Aurelia stared down at herself. The precious silk clung to her body like a second skin and playfully emphasised her curves. The cut was just a little more wicked than the ones she had worn before. But it was purple! Confused, her eyes darted to the mirror. It wasn't purple, it was crimson! That colour was only fit for a member of the imperial family, and she really did look quite regal in it.
"Milady, this is a gift," Nara spoke in a soothing tone. "The princeps himself has had this dress brought to you with a request to wear it at today's feast. To refuse that request..."
"Would be the death of me," Aurelia interrupted her coldly and Nara hastily lowered her eyes. "Then let us see what he intends to do with it".
With her chin proudly raised, Aurelia swept out of the room and the ivory cloth with ornate golden embellishments at the hem puffed out elegantly behind her.
Once in the dining room, Aurelia ignored the stares of those present and headed for Vespasius, who stood a little apart and was having wine poured for him by a very young, very handsome slave.
"Good evening, father," she greeted him in a friendly manner and in the same tone ordered the boy to organise something to drink for her as well. He bowed to her and quickly ran away.
"You shouldn't be so friendly with them when so many strangers can hear you," Vespasius admonished quietly and before Aurelia could protest, he continued. "That colour suits you perfectly"
Aurelia snorted and just managed to stifle a thank you as the boy thrust an elegant glass goblet filled with wine into her hand. The ring on her right hand flashed as Aurelia put the goblet to her mouth. She really had to give it back to Gaius.
Before she could pester Vespasius with questions, Tiberius' voice cheerfully announced that everyone should now please take their designated places for the feast. The next moment Drusilla appeared beside her and smiled brightly at her.
"You get to lie with us again. Isn't it exciting, dear friend?" she giggled, and Aurelia affirmed how delighted she was about it. Confidently, she strode next to Drusilla. Arriving in front of the emperor' couch, they bowed.
"Aurelia Vespasia, the colour suits you extremely well," Tiberius noted with pleasure and let his gaze wander appreciatively over her body. Aurelia ignored the unease that rose in her and thanked him effusively for the beautiful dress.
"Have you met my grandson Gemellus, child?" inquired Tiberius flattered and Aurelia quickly shook her head. Smiling, the emperor introduced her to the young man, who was still half a child and shared a couch with Gaius. Before Aurelia could address the young man, Gaius was asked by Tiberius to lie down on the next couch with Lavinia so that Aurelia and Gemellus could get to know each other.
Immediately Gaius rose, winked playfully at Aurelia and lay down next to a very pretty, very fashionable styled young woman. Immediately the two began to flirt shamelessly with each other.
Hastily, Aurelia took a seat on her assigned couch and gave Gemellus a friendly smile. Unfortunately, she was now lying in such a way that she looked into Gaius' flirting face when she looked at Gemellus. Today, her end bordered not on Julia's but on Tiberius', so that she was enveloped by ever new clouds of perfume as soon as the emperor moved.
Despite his childlike features, Gemellus was quite handsome. But he looked like a child and not like a man, which is why he did not yet excite her. She found it all the more startling that he suddenly began to shower her with compliments. Immediately Aurelia felt the blush rise within her and tried to hide her embarrassment with her goblet. Politely she nodded to the boy, but with every word he had obviously learned by heart beforehand, he got on her nerves more and more. Why didn't he find someone his own age to flirt with shamelessly? But Aurelia kept smilingly silent as long as she could, desperately looking for things about him that she could feign admiration for. Soon she discovered that Gemellus preferred to talk about himself. So, all she had to do was ask a question and he would babble on for hours. Just then he boasted of soon being the second Achilles.
"At your age, I also blindly admired Achilles, but as time goes by, you realise that there are more important things than a glorious life," she blurted out as he once again ranted about himself. The kid had really spoiled her every walk with his stories, which were about as entertaining as nasty maths homework that you just couldn't find a solution for.
Dumbfounded, Gemellus' mouth dropped open and Aurelia hid her giggles in her wine. Had no one ever contradicted him before. Defiantly, he finally demanded to know what was more important than fame. Aurelia threw back her head and laughed.
"Dear boy," she replied kindly. "What good is it for you to be famous if you are dead? What good is your fame if you can't taste it for yourself? We humans are driven by our fear of being forgotten by posterity, that we lose sight of what is really important in life: life itself. What is the point of our lives if we don't make the most of every single second?"
Friendly, she nodded to Gemellus, who, however, scowled at her.
"You do have rather strong opinions for your tender age, child," Tiberius' voice rang out purringly against her ear and Aurelia managed not to flinch. "How old are you?"
"Twenty-four, princeps," Aurelia answered without hesitation, not taking her eyes off the smugly grinning Gemellus for a second. The emperor' warm breath passed over the back of her neck, mixing his cloud of perfume with alcohol.
"Then you are indeed much older than my dear grandson. I suppose I had better not deprive you of my nephew's company. But you see what he is like, my beautiful child. I feared he would only destroy something as pure and innocent as you."
Immediately Aurelia's eyes darted to Gaius, whose arm was just being caressed by the other woman. God it was pathetic the way she was throwing herself at him and he was all over it too.
When Tiberius breathed why she had not yet found a husband, Aurelia replied mockingly: "So far no man has managed to tempt me like that".
Fortunately, Aurelia was spared a continuation of the conversation, as Agrippina was about to approach the emperor and plead for the life of her husband, who had been accused of lese majesty in Rome. Impatiently, Tiberius rebuked his niece and declared that Domitius deserved nothing but death for his offences. Agrippina nodded in understanding. Then she quickly excused herself and stalked out of the hall.
"Where were we..." began Tiberius, but Aurelia jumped up from the couch, excused herself and briskly followed Agrippina. She finally caught up with her in the garden.
"It was dangerous to stand up for Domitius like that," Aurelia said, and Agrippina winced in fright.
"He is my husband," Agrippina replied lifelessly, avoiding Aurelia's gaze. "Even if he does not love me and cheats on me, he is still my husband".
Uncertainly, Aurelia approached her friend and assured her that all would be well.
"How so, Aurelia? You heard my uncle, didn't you? He's as good as dead and I just don't know what to do anymore" Agrippina groaned in despair and protectively placed her delicate hand on her stomach. Horrified, Aurelia stared at her and suddenly the beautiful Agrippina burst into tears. Immediately Aurelia bridged the distance and embraced her reassuringly. Unrestrained, Agrippina wept into the purple dress. Sobbing, she began to tell her how Domitius suddenly appeared a few months ago and passionately declared that he wanted to give their marriage another chance. For a while, everything seemed perfect. He was attentive, obliging and just the way Agrippina had always wanted him to be. But after only two weeks, his mood deteriorated. He drank more, insulted the slave girls and finally Agrippina too.
"When I asked him why he was still here," Agrippina sniffled, "he laughed in my face that his mistress in Rome had bored him, but that I was an insatiable witch that no man could ever live up to. That very night he had his things packed and returned to Rome. What am I to do?"
Gently, Aurelia grabbed Agrippina by the upper arms and pushed her a little away from her so that she could look deep into her eyes. Slowly, emphasising each word clearly, she promised her that everything would fall into place in the end.
"You are a strong, beautiful woman Agrippina and this Domitius does not deserve you. You don't need him. Not for you and certainly not for your child."
Agrippina took a deep breath and slowly calmed herself. Quietly she confessed that she was afraid. Aurelia smiled gently.
"What woman does not have to live in fear in these times?", she whispered more to herself. Then she took Agrippina's hand and pulled her into her room and there they helped each other become presentable again for the feast. No sooner had they finished than new tears ran down Agrippina's cheeks and smeared her cheeks. Hastily, Aurelia took a cloth and removed the make-up.
"I don't want to go back there and have to pretend to like it," she sobbed. With a heavy heart, Aurelia assured her that she could stay. As she turned to leave, Agrippina grabbed her wrist and asked her to stay. Aurelia smiled sadly and promised to be back soon.
Hastily she ran to Tiberius, fell on her knees in front of him and quietly whispered to him that his niece was no longer able to attend the feast and that Aurelia must return to her immediately. Of course, Tiberius whined like a little child why she couldn't stay with him a little longer, playing with a strand of hair that had come loose from her severe hairstyle.
"I'm sorry, princeps. But my friend needs me now," Aurelia said simply, rose, bowed to him, nodded reassuringly to the worried Julia and left the hall. In the atrium, she heard a low moan and forced herself to scurry faster and quieter across the tiles. Certainly, she did not want to get into an embarrassing scene.
"Caligula!" the girl moaned, giggling, and Aurelia froze.
"Stop calling me that!" he gasped, his voice lashing out at her like a whip. She staggered slightly and knocked over a statue. Surprised, he turned around and their eyes met. As if of their own accord, her legs moved across the floor. Behind her she thought she heard him calling her name, but there was only a single murmur in her ears. How could she have been so wrong about him? All this time he had only been fooling her. Tiberius was right. Men like Gaius destroyed women like Aurelia with their charm, understanding and ruthlessness. The monster Caligula was real and in her room his sister was waiting with the next monster in her womb. At last, she had reached her door. Suddenly hands grabbed her and pulled her into a deserted room right next to hers. Immediately he locked the door and pressed her against the cold wood with his body.
"Let go of me," she hissed, defiantly avoiding his gaze. Gently, he grasped her chin and forced her to look at him at last. His eyes reflected her own pain.
"That had nothing to do with you, Aurelia," he whispered sadly, his thumb drawing circles lovingly on her cheek. "She means nothing to me. Tiberius sent that whore after me."
"And that's supposed to make it better?" she asked angrily. "How can you live like this?"
He let out a mirthless laugh and tears glistened in his eyes.
"I can't do it, Aurelia," he groaned in despair. "Every single day could be my last and before you stumbled into my life, I wished it would finally stop. But because of you, my life has taken on meaning again. You have made it worth fighting for again. You have made me feel alive again"
"If that is so, Gaius, why do you waste your time with her?" she asked sadly, and he fell silent. When the silence between them became too much for her, she gently pushed him away and said that his distraught sister was waiting for her in the next room.
Before the door closed behind her, he pushed it open further, whirled Aurelia to face him and whispered, "Whatever I do, Aurelia, I only do it to protect you."
Gently she placed her hand on his cheek and replied that she could take care of herself. With a heavy heart, she slipped into her room and found Agrippina there, completely in tears, on her bed over an empty jug of wine. Angrily, Aurelia snapped at her how she could be so irresponsible as to drink alcohol while pregnant. Agrippina looked at her in confusion from her teary eyes and sobbed.
Aurelia raised her hands placatingly. She quickly washed her face, then lay down next to Agrippina and told her quiet stories. Slowly the pregnant woman calmed down and finally fell asleep. Aurelia, on the other hand, lay awake for a long time. Again and again, she returned to the same question: Could she change the past? Did she have the power to save Gaius from his fate or was he already lost?