Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 64 ~ Iudicia iusta

29th January 38 AD

Blue sparks flashed through the room, driven by the light of the setting sun, hitting walls, furniture, papyrus, clothing. One of these sparks caught Gaius' eye and made him look up. Kissed by the reddish-golden sunlight, Aurelia stood like a statue in front of the large window of his study and stared, lost in thought, at the slowly fading city. Her hair fell in soft waves over her shoulders, her almost transparent dress clung tightly to her body, accentuating the slight curve of her belly. The fingers of her right hand played nervously with her wedding ring; a habit Gaius always observed in his wife when she was thinking. The same unconscious gesture he had seen his mother make countless times. Surely his mother would have loved Aurelia as her own daughter.
In the next moment, Gaius put aside his father's stylus, rose, bridged the few steps that separated them and wrapped Aurelia in his arms. But she was so deep in her thoughts that she did not seem to notice him at all.
"What are you thinking about, beautiful?" he murmured in her ear, and she flinched, startled. Then she automatically put her arms on his, which held her gently at the waist, and began to draw patterns on his forearms, lost in thought.
"About tomorrow," she replied simply, and he sighed deeply, waiting for her to continue. But she remained silent. After a while he gently probed and she murmured softly, "I'm worried about Gemellus. What if they sentence him to death?"
Gaius pulled her closer and gently kissed her hair.
"They won't sentence him to death," he said softly, hoping she would miss the doubt in his voice. "He is guilty, but he is still part of our family. Besides, I have forgiven him publicly. Much more likely they will send him into exile and if not, he will surely beg me for mercy, and I will change his punishment to banishment."
Aurelia nodded and her body relaxed a little. Silently they looked over the city and watched the sun set. Was banishment any more merciful than a quick death by the sword?
"Will we help him when the time comes?" she asked wearily, as if she had heard his thoughts. Perhaps he had been thinking aloud too. As a precaution, he asked again what exactly she was going to help Gemellus with. Aurelia snorted, as if it were so obvious. But then again, maybe it really was obvious to her. When he had asked her a few days ago what sentence would have been imposed on Macro in her time, she had only laughed and said that they would probably have put him in prison for twenty-five years. At first Gaius had thought her answer was a joke and laughed with her. Then she abruptly became serious and explained to him that both torture and capital punishment had been abolished in her time - at least in her country, and at that she wrinkled her nose as if any country that held on to these methods in her time was barbaric and backward. Perhaps it was. Perhaps it was a sign of impotence and abuse of power towards the subjects of a state when that state could end the lives of its subjects. But they were not living in 2019 AD - whoever that Christ was supposed to be. They were not living in a republic or a proper monarchy. They lived in a Rome that needed political stability more than anything else. As long as Gemellus lived, he posed a threat that could unbalance Rome. If Tiberius were still in Gaius' place, Gemellus would have burned to a pile of ashes long ago.
"The wording of the law provides, in the case of banishment, that the banished person is denied access to water and fire within a certain radius of Rome, my dear," Gaius explained gloomily. "Anyone who will help Gemellus is thereby committing a criminal offence."
Again, Aurelia snorted contemptuously. Suddenly she spun around and took his face in her hands. A new gleam came into her eyes.
"Then we won't give him fire or water," she murmured urgently, a mischievous smile spreading across her face. At that moment, Gaius realised once again that this beautiful woman in his arms was the answer to all his questions and prayers. Even if all of Rome was whispering and gossiping about her behind their backs, they should still talk. In all his life, no woman before her had touched him in this way and no other would ever be able to. There was only her. They were two halves of a whole - like the spherical men in Plato and Aristophanes. How could anyone think he could ever lose interest in her.
Automatically, his features conspiratorially mirrored her expression. He tilted his head slightly and her warm breath brushed seductively across his face. Gently, he traced the contours of her neck with his fingertips, and he registered with satisfaction how her pulse quickened instantly under his fingers, her body instantly clinging to him and her eyes darkening with desire. She was his as much as he was hers. Irrevocably eternal.
That night he didn't sleep a single second. Normally, after a while, he would have carefully detached himself from Aurelia, slipped out of bed and burrowed into his work or a reading until she woke up and admonished him to finally come back to bed or his mind had grown tired enough for him to find sleep. But that night Gaius was afraid of going completely mad when he no longer felt her warm, soft body against his and her divine scent no longer rose to his nose. Her steady breaths set the rhythm for his heart and kept it from lashing out in panic like a frightened horse. Aurora stalked slowly and inexorably towards them. If only he knew what would happen before nightfall the next night. Again, and again his mind showed him all the events, decisions and consequences for his family and him. If only he knew what scenario would occur. Then he could plan and gain control of the situation. But he had relinquished control when he almost drove Gemellus to suicide in his desire for safety. For Gaius knew that his own need for peace and safety was still stronger than his reason. His fear clouded his mind, playing with him like a cat with a mouse, driving him mercilessly before him. He was not strong enough to resist the temptation. At least not alone.
Instead of looking for a distraction, he held Aurelia close and stared blindly up at the ceiling while his thoughts spun in circles.
"You did the right thing," a sleepy voice whispered softly in his ear. Caught, he flinched and jerkily turned his head towards her. Sleepily, she propped herself up on her elbow, rubbed her eyes and returned his gaze seriously. Only the pale light of the moon gleamed softly on her face. Guilt flashed through him like lightning. She should sleep, her body needed all her strength.
"Go back to sleep, dearest," he urged her instantly. Next, he assured her that he was fine. But Aurelia only snorted contemptuously and rolled her eyes. How could he blame her when he didn't believe himself?
"I really believe you made the right decision - for you, for your family, for us, for Rome," she said seriously, and her gaze became so intense that Gaius could no longer withstand it and stared at the ceiling again, ashamed. Why hadn't any of his predecessors had a fresco put up there?
"How can you be so sure?" he asked quietly into the silence and closed his eyes. A rustling sound told him that Aurelia had shifted her weight on the mattress and the next moment he felt her small, cool hand against his cheek.
"I just know," Aurelia's voice murmured emotionlessly and much closer than he had expected. Surprised, he opened his eyes and sank into hers. In the moonlight they looked like two silvery shimmering oceans. Automatically, he buried a hand in her hair and pulled her closer. His troubled heart longed to believe her words, but his mind was not so easily convinced. He had spent too many hours thinking of her lifeless body with lacklustre eyes as a consequence of his own incompetence and powerlessness. He wanted her to continue speaking, to explain what she had learned about him in her own time, but she remained silent.
"Tell me what you have read about me," he pleaded with her, and her face mirrored her inner struggle. A tear escaped her eye, flitted down her cheek and landed silently on the pillow beside his head.
"Nothing I've read about you, Gaius," she declared passionately. "Because you are different, your lives run differently. I don't know why, but this person I've read about, it's not you. Caligula made choices that ultimately destroyed him. In each of those situations, you chose differently than he did. You are Gaius, my Gaius. There is no Caligula and I swear to all the gods, I will never allow you to be like him."
Then she collapsed on top of him, clawing at him, sobbing and crying as he held her and hid her face in her hair. Only after a while did he realise that he was crying silently into her hair. Slowly Aurelia became calmer, and her body relaxed. But Gaius clung to her and tried to form a clear thought. He knew why Aurelia knew other, dark stories about him and there could only be one reason: In this other time or other world or dimension or whatever you could call it, she did not exist. Without them, the attack would probably have succeeded, and then what? Would he have met the same unworthy death as his father, or would he have survived the attack?
Somehow this knowledge gave him comfort. Gaius closed his eyes, and his thoughts relaxed a little. He listened attentively to Aurelia's regular breaths, and he fell into a strange twilight state between waking and sleeping.