Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 89 ~ Ars superandi

Although the curtains in the bedchamber were drawn so that no light could enter the room and wake the most important woman in the empire, a sea of stars twinkled on the ceiling above the sleeping woman. The precious and completely unique jewellery had been a gift from her husband, who had found the idea of falling asleep with her in his arms every night under a dimly lit starry sky romantic. Now that her husband was gone, his stars watched over her, silent and softly shining.
As Aurelia opened her eyes blinking at the familiar blanket of stars, she felt horribly alone. Automatically she placed a hand on her stomach, but this simple movement took a great deal of her strength, and a stabbing pain ran through her body as she slowly straightened up. All at once, her memories of the past waking hours flooded her mind and her pain faded with concern for her children. With a leap, she jumped out of bed, ignoring her protesting body, and pulled aside the curtains. Glaring sunlight blinded her and startled, she backed away. It was already late afternoon. With her heart galloping in panic, she anxiously surveyed the city below. But it looked more peaceful than ever.
Slowly the realisation filtered through to her that she was alive. In the hours of the birth, there had been moments when she had wondered if it was worth continuing to fight. But Antonia's hand on her shoulder had reminded her that this could not be the end, because she was still needed.
With a thin smile on her lips, Aurelia reached for her silk dressing gown, hastily pulled it on and left the sleeping area of her chambers. In the dining area, Julia sat stabilising the newborn's head while Julius cautiously looked at his little sister, whom someone had placed in his arms. For a moment, Aurelia's gaze flitted to the door of her private study, which was firmly closed and behind which, by now, the work on her desk was just piling up. But her tasks would have to wait a few minutes longer.
Slowly, Aurelia strode over to her children and sat down on Julius' free side. The boy turned his head towards her with an uncertain smile on his lips and blinked up at her. Out of the corner of her eye, Aurelia perceived Julia place her little head securely in Julius' little hand, stand up and retreat into the background.
"How are you, mummy?", Julius wanted to know quietly and peered quickly at his little sister to make sure she was still fast asleep. She gently brushed a tangled strand of hair out of his face and quietly confessed to him that she was still tired, but that nothing else was wrong. He studied her face inquiringly and nodded imperceptibly. Julius could sense when someone was lying to him. His golden eyes bore into the liars with such intensity that the latter could not withstand his fierce gaze and confessed the truth. This ability would come in handy one day when he would follow in his father's footsteps.
Silently they sat together and studied the sleeping child. The girl was even smaller than Julius had been when she was born, but she too was completely flawless. Beneath a fluff of dark hair was a sweet little face so like her father's that Aurelia wished nothing more than to be able to share this moment with Gaius.
Involuntarily, she pulled her two children closer to her and tried to force down the sadness rising in her. In the end, it was a small, bloodcurdling sniffle that turned into a gigantic cry, allowing her to focus on those who were here and not on those who were not.
"Did I do something wrong?", Julius wanted to know in horror and pressed his sister into her arms, overwhelmed by the situation. Automatically, she began to weigh the girl, but she did not calm down. Gently, she assured her son that he had done nothing wrong and that his sister was probably just hungry.
"Are you going to feed her?" asked Julius guilelessly and Aurelia flinched. Conflicted with herself, she looked down at her little daughter squirming in her arms and it broke her heart to see her like this. But Aurelia had already taken the herbs Sophia had given her and she felt she could not give her daughter what she was clamouring for. Reassuringly, she pressed a kiss to her daughter's forehead, then rose and handed her over to a nurse who had appeared on the threshold with the child's first cry.
Her gaze fell on her son, who was watching his sister watchfully, lost in thought, playing with the golden bulla he wore around his neck. Quietly, Julia stepped up beside them from the background, put her hand on Aurelia's shoulder sympathetically for a moment and then sat down beside Julius again. With a wistful smile, Aurelia turned on her heel and disappeared into her study. Rome was calling to her. But before she turned her attention to the wax tablets and letters, she pulled out a new sheet of papyrus, placed it in front of her, dipped her stilus in the ink and began to write the one letter she had meant to draft months ago.