Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 25 ~ The new princeps

Vespasian did not know when Gaius had left his grandmother's villa last night. He was too focused on his Caenis for that. What a pity that he could not marry her. But marriage between a freedwoman and a senator was forbidden. Vespasian could not violate his duty to his family and give up his rank as senator, he had already worked too hard for that. Now he had no choice but to rise and further increase his family's prestige. For some months now, his parents had been asking him in each of their letters whether he had finally found a suitable match.
Inconspicuously, he eyed Aurelia, who was sitting between his uncle and him on the circus grandstand. Her hair shimmered like fresh honey in the sunlight, falling open over her delicate shoulders as it had the night before. Her face was noble and not as round as his own, her nose perfect, her lips rosy and inviting. No doubt she would make an excellent wife for him and a superb mother for their children. And yes, her high dowry also appealed to him. She did not seem like a woman who could not handle money. Vespasian had secretly glanced at his uncle's books and had been amazed at how small the amount for Aurelia's upkeep had turned out to be.
"Have you ever seen a real gladiatorial combat, my child?" asked Vespasius, unconcerned. Aurelia's smile froze and her face lost some of its colour. Quickly she lowered her eyes and denied the question. While his uncle explained everything she needed to know about the fights, Vespasian let his gaze sweep through the circus. Not a single seat was empty. They had all turned up in honour of their princeps and were waiting excitedly. Due to the surprising arrival of spring, cloth tarpaulins had just been extended so that the more distinguished spectators would not suffer from the sun.
Suddenly Gaius appeared in his box and the people cheered him enthusiastically. The young princeps scanned the ranks of senators and when he spotted Aurelia, she gave him a warm smile despite her tension. Had Gaius just winked at her or had Vespasian just imagined it? Slowly her face regained its old colour and no longer reminded Vespasian of a freshly washed toga. What was there between them, he asked himself out of curiosity. He had never seen his friend so gentle. Had Vespasian's beautiful cousin stolen the princeps's heart? Vespasian leaned back thoughtfully. In all these years he had never seen his friend in love and never so carelessly. Vespasian took it upon himself to warn Aurelia the next time they would be alone.
Then about fifty gladiators entered the arena below them and greeted their princeps. At a beckon from the Caesar, the slaves began to fight with each other. With each attack, the people shouted out their excitement and even the senators around them hardly held back. Fascinated, Vespasian watched the confusion. He had fought in a few battles himself, but the Roman war machine was methodical, orderly and disciplined. Down there, everyone fought everyone else and absolute chaos reigned. He had never seen such fierce, relentless and brutal gladiatorial combat before.
When the first gladiator hit the ground and the crowd jeered, he almost missed Aurelia's scream. Reluctantly, he turned to her. She was pale as death, her eyes wide with horror. She clung convulsively to the stone edge of the bench. Her gaze kept darting back and forth between the fighters and Gaius. The princeps was passionately cheering on the gladiators along with his people. Aurelia's breathing reminded him of a sprinter about to collapse. Her pale face took on a green hue. Disregarding the senators' protests, she jumped up from her seat, bumped rudely into Vespasian, then pushed past the other spectators towards the exit. Without hesitation, Vespasian followed her and apologised on all sides. At the exit she staggered against one of the praetorians. As he passed him, he felt the dark eyes of his long-time enemy: Macro. What was he doing here? Why wasn't he protecting the princeps? Vespasian did not have the time to get to the bottom of these questions. Aurelia was his top priority now; he would deal with Macro later.
In the darkness of the stairway, he almost stumbled over her. Huddled together, she sat there, her arms wrapped tightly around her, her head leaning against the cold wall, her eyes closed. Carefully he crouched down beside her. His eyes quickly adjusted to the dim light. The noise of the arena reached them in a muffled way. Slowly their rushed breathing calmed.
"Go back inside, Vespasian," she begged him in a feeble voice. "I do not wish to keep you from this spectacle"
"I'm looking after my lovely cousin. That is more important now than the games, they will be held tomorrow too" he replied, and Aurelia looked at him startled. Then she laughed mirthlessly.
"Bread and games," she kept muttering bitterly. Suddenly Vespasian became aware that Aurelia was crying. Helplessly he looked at her. He had never seen a woman cry before - certainly not at such an exciting event as the games. Awkwardly, he patted her back.
"What's wrong?" he asked softly, and Aurelia gave a quiet sob.
"I can't do this," she said in exasperation, burying her face in her hands. Gently he inquired what she couldn't.
"I can't watch him destroy himself," she said haltingly, and gave another heart-rending sob. Vespasian looked down at her in wonder. Did she mean Gaius? He waited patiently, but not another word passed her lips. Suddenly one of his uncle's boys appeared beside them and inquired after the young mistress.
"Will you please tell my father that I am not well and that I am on my way home, Esteban," she replied, wiping away her tears. The boy bowed to her and hurried back to his master. Shakily, she stood up and knocked the dirt off her stole. Hastily, Vespasian rose as well and took her arm.
"You can go back inside, Vespasian. I'll find my own way back," she said in surprise and Vespasian laughed softly.
"I certainly won't let my dear cousin go home alone," he replied gently. Magnus was already waiting at the entrance with one of his boys. As they walked, Aurelia did not join in their conversation. Pale as a little ghost, she glided along beside them without noticing anything. She was completely caught up in the world of her dark thoughts.
In the atrium, a surprised boy brought her a cup of wine diluted with water. Aurelia accepted it gratefully and sat down on the stone edge of the fountain. Lost in thought, she stared into the water and sipped from her cup again and again. Hesitantly, Vespasian sat down next to her. Quietly he asked if she was all right. Aurelia avoided his gaze, but after a moment's pause raised her pretty head.
"I don't know," she confessed in confusion. "Never in my life have I seen anything so hideous and brutal. We call our slaves barbarians, yet we ourselves make other people fight to the death for our pleasure"
Vespasian tilted his head and she sighed. Her face slowly closed in on him.
"Go back to the games, Vespasian. I don't need anyone to watch me," she urged him wearily, setting the cup beside her. With the majesty of a goddess, she stood up and started moving.
"You said you couldn't stay here," Vespasian called after her and she froze. Reluctantly, she turned to him and waited. "A few miles outside Rome is my estate in Cosa. Actually, I wasn't planning to go there for another two months, when summer is approaching. But if you like, we can leave today. There you could collect yourself and first find out what you want".
The astonishment was clearly written on her face. Vespasian hesitated briefly, then added explanatorily, "I've been friends with Gaius for a very long time and he can be very charming when he wants something. If you stay, he will persuade you to do anything he wants. Do you really want that?"
Hesitantly she shook her pretty head. Then she called a few slaves together and ordered them to pack their things in a surprisingly friendly tone.
"Off to Cosa then," she said, and into her eyes came again that gleam they had lost since the games began. Smiling, she turned away and hurried to her chambers.

Less than an hour later they were on the deserted country road to his estate. Aurelia's luggage was so small that it could be stowed in her saddlebag. Every now and then the shouts, the screams and the cheers from the circus reached them. Vespasian made his horse stop and looked back at the city below them. Aurelia's horse joined his.
"All my life I have dreamed of this city and now I have not endured it even for one day," she said regretfully. Inquiringly he eyed her. In her face he discovered an all-consuming longing that frightened him.
"We will return," he promised gently. Aurelia sat up straighter in the saddle and awkwardly turned her horse.
"Have you ever ridden?" he asked her in wonder. Embarrassed, she shook her head. Exasperated, Vespasian frowned.
"Then I'd better ride beside you," he replied, and together they left Rome behind.