Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 78 ~ Optiones

"Did you even catch a word of what I just told you?" he wanted to know anxiously, and she blinked at him, caught. Sluggishly, she shook her head and looked around the room. Sophia, perhaps. Clemens sighed, ran an irritated hand through his hair and plopped down on the vacant armchair next to her, only to jump up from it the next second and run around again like a caged animal on a track set only for him. Patiently, Aurelia waited for him to run out his frustration and be ready to talk to her again. Abruptly he stopped, turned jerkily and met her gaze.
"You must tell Gaius at once," he blurted out, watching all colour drain from her face. In her sapphire eyes he caught sight of the gaping emptiness that had lived within her since Gaius had left. The radiant one had lost her radiance.
"I can't tell him," she replied softly. Emptiness and longing echoed in her voice from deep within her. "Unfortunately, the safest secrets are the ones no one knows. You know as well as I do what will happen once I can no longer hide it. We must use the limited time we have left for the good of us all and take the necessary steps in secret. Otherwise, we are all lost"
Stunned, he stared at her. He understood her words, but he did not want to believe that there was no other way. Did she not understand what she was doing to her husband and to herself? After a while he replied, "This is madness. They will accuse you of betraying their trust and I am not just talking about the Senate. It is his right to know these things. You will only be safe when he returns."
Suddenly something alien flared in her eyes. Anger, ice-cold, all-destroying anger. With a leap she reared up in front of him and snapped at him irritably, "And then what? Do you seriously think Gaius would abandon a campaign meticulously planned for years because of me? Open your eyes, he is already in Britain! By the time he gets here, it may be too late. He has entrusted me with this task because he is convinced that as long as he is away, I can defend this city, this family and myself against all dangers, crises and catastrophes and nothing can make me betray my husband's trust like this! The real question, my friend, is whether you will help me or whether I am on my own?"
Horrified and hurt, he took a step back. How could she even hint that he would abandon his duty? Without her, he was nothing. Silence reigned for a small eternity, giving them both a chance to think. The more time passed silently, the more anger gave way to fear. Barely noticeable, she began to tremble as she looked up at him. He knew she needed him, not only to protect her family, but as a friend. She needed him as much as he needed her. Because he couldn't lose her either. But he was still unable to say anything. So, he looked at her thoughtfully and silently from his brown eyes. Until he finally found his voice again and broke the oppressive silence.
"As long as I breathe, I will always serve you," he promised softly. All at once the mask fell and before him was again the innocent, frightened girl who had washed ashore at Capri. Suddenly something about her reminded him of Fannia again. Slightly, he shook his head to dispel the thought of Fannia as he watched all tension drain from her frail body with relief and she almost collapsed from exhaustion. In the blink of an eye, he was with her, took her arm and guided her back to her chair. Powerless, Aurelia closed her eyes and massaged her temples.
"You can't imagine how much I long to be able to tell him," she confessed quietly without opening her eyes. Slowly he sat down on the armchair next to her. Tiredly, she opened her eyes and held his worried gaze as she continued, "But it's not just about me. I can't take the risk of the message being intercepted. It could be used against all of us."
Clemens wrestled with himself for a while, then hesitantly put his hand on hers and explained, "I'm sorry if I made you feel I didn't trust your judgement. Let us settle the matter your way"
The hint of vulnerability faded from her expression and gave way to a new determination. With a fine smile on her lips, she nodded to him, and they began to strategies together. When Clemens left the chamber shortly afterwards and returned to his post in front, everything had been said and so he served in silence.

It fascinated him how blind the people around them were. Aurelia was radiant in the same way he had observed when she first became pregnant, but yet those around her were incapable of recognising this link. Or maybe they just didn't want to see it. Did they not notice that he hardly left her side anymore, or was he doing his job so well that they simply no longer noticed him?
Every day that passed without her condition becoming public was another day of safety, for there was no question of rest. Even if he did not know how she did it, she worked even harder than before. These clueless and blind magistrates were falling more and more under her spell because they too saw the hard work this woman was doing for them all. As far as he knew, not even her son was informed. When he had asked her about it, she had only tilted her head and looked deep into his eyes, as if his question alone was completely superfluous. They still had about three weeks until the Senate's summer recess approached. If Aurelia's calculations were right, she would be able to hide her condition until then. But what she didn't notice through all her work were the increasingly frequent, analysing glances the other women gave her when Aurelia talked to their husbands at the suppers. He did because that was his job.
In the end, it was Agrippina who took away Aurelia's sense of security on a beautiful day early in Julia's life. Although Clemens had already taken over the night watch and had been given just three hours' sleep, he had retreated to the shade of a pillar in the pavilion and watched his charges so vigilantly that only Argus could do his job better. But the last time he had looked down at himself, his body did not show a hundred eyes. Normally, one of his principles was that while he watched over his charges, he allowed them a certain amount of space. But something about Agrippina's expression ensured that for once he did not close his ears to the two women's conversation.
It all began with Agrippina innocently asking her sister-in-law about her brother. Instantly, Aurelia's face became sad as she quickly summarised the contents of the last letter she had read to the Senate. Suspicion flitted across Agrippina's pretty face and although Clement sent a shove prayer to his patron god Mars, her lips formed the question that brought Aurelia to a confession. Although he had checked this area of the garden earlier, Clemens reassured himself with a glance that they were still undisturbed. For a moment both women were quite silent, then Agrippina gushed. Somewhat overwhelmed, Aurelia tried to follow her sister-in-law, but even for Clemens the words and leaps of thought were too fast. For they were not just the usual questions and certainly not congratulations. Only when she inquired whether her brother had already been informed and Aurelia shook her head in the negative, was there silence for a moment. Then she continued talking at Aurelia.
"The moment is a bit awkward, but it happened," Aurelia said calmly and Agrippina paused in her monologue. Gently, Agrippina took her sister-in-law's hand and squeezed it gently.
"It's not too late and I know someone who can help you out of this predicament," Agrippina said so quietly that Clemens was not sure if she had really said those words. Without understanding, Aurelia looked at her friend and understood. Horrified, Aurelia backed away from Agrippina and put a hand on her stomach. He immediately made sure that no one was watching her from another part of the garden. But the garden was still empty. So, he missed much of Aurelia's words, though.
"Just think of your son," Agrippina just interjected passionately. "What will become of him when his father is far away in Britain and his mother is but a heap of ashes?"
"It is my body," Aurelia replied coldly. "The decision is mine alone and I ask you to accept that. Let the matter rest"
Ashamed, Agrippina lowered her eyes, but something about her aroused his suspicion. Shortly afterwards, little Julius hopped up the steps of the pavilion and demanded his mother's attention. Full of love, Aurelia smiled at her son and sat him on her lap. Little Lucius followed shortly after. He looked as if he had fallen into one of the ornamental fountains and Agrippina took the opportunity to go back inside the villa with him. He watched thoughtfully as she walked determinedly through the garden and finally disappeared into the house. She would certainly not let the matter rest.