Aurelia || SERIES ROMANA I

Chapter 63 ~ Problema insoluta

10th March 27 AD.

Although winter was slowly withdrawing from Rome and spring was sending its little harbingers to her, Agrippina felt no joy. When she opened her eyes in the morning, awakened by the cheerful chirping of the birds outside her window, and saw that she was sleeping on Germanicus' side of the bed, she felt nothing. But she found no other way to sleep at night. His death had haunted her dreams for almost ten years and tormented her every waking hour. In front of her family and strangers, she was strong and did not let her grief show, but as soon as she was alone, she collapsed under her grief. She still found it hard to believe that their time together was over.
Her only consolation was her children. Her beautiful little girls always brought a smile to her face and every glance at her little Gaius filled her heart with pride. He was so much like his father. One day he would become a great man, if the goddesses of fate granted him that and did not cut his thread of life before his time.
Every visit to her two eldest sons, Nero and Drusus, stung her heart. They had grown up so quickly and now Agrippina felt she was no longer needed by them. They made their own decisions and lived with their wives. But what bothered Agrippina most was that she no longer understood her eldest sons. As a child, Drusus had idolised Nero and looked up to him; now she detected feelings in her second child's eyes every time they spoke about the elder or lay together at table, feelings that troubled Agrippina deeply. But she had no strength to worry about her sons' fractured relationship. Her younger children needed her more. Sooner or later, Nero and Drusus would make up. As always.
There was a timid knock at the door. Hastily Agrippina sat up and wiped the last traces of the previous night from her face. At her summons, one of her girls entered and handed her a neatly rolled scroll. Interested, Agrippina took the scroll, recognised the seal and deftly broke it. She had not thought that Tiberius would be back in Rome so soon. Perhaps Capri was too boring for him in the long run. She read the invitation with a furrowed brow and would have liked to send the girl out of the room together with her refusal. But instead, Agrippina nodded, rolled up the letter and let her girls do their work. It would be a long day and a long evening. But Agrippina had not been brought up to crawl under the covers just because everything was complicated and unpleasant right now.

At the edge of her strength, Agrippina pulled the door closed behind her and at the same moment the smile she had been wearing for everyone else vanished from her face. She looked longingly at her bed, lit by the evening sun, and sighed. How she would love to rest for a moment. But the low sun reminded her of her duty. When the day was finally over, she would crawl into her bed. But now she had to sit in front of the mirror, call her girls and get ready for the evening.
Shortly afterwards Agrippina rushed out of her room and said goodbye to her daughters. When Gaius appeared on the stairs in his toga praetexta, he suddenly seemed so much older to her. Her little boy would turn fifteen in a few months, in fact he should have been declared a man and a full Roman citizen long ago. But for that he lacked his father and the pater familias, the head of her family, had not yet consummated it. How could Tiberius have done this while he was enjoying himself on Capri and leaving the fate of Rome to others? Presumably he had other things on his mind there than declaring her son a man. Or perhaps he had simply forgotten Gaius.
"Wouldn't you like to accompany me, Gaius?" asked Agrippina thoughtfully and Gaius gave his three younger sisters a nervous look. Then he nodded and said goodbye to the three visibly offended-looking girls. For a moment Agrippina wondered what plans her daughters had hatched with their brother again. Gaius simply could refuse them nothing. Almost nothing.
Demandingly, Agrippina held out her hand to her son, which he took without hesitation. Together they left the house, climbed into the palanquin and were silently carried to Tiberius' residence only a stone's throw away from their own villa. No sooner had they stepped out of the palanquin than the wooden wings of the heavy entrance portal were opened for them. Silently, Gaius followed her over the threshold and through the atrium. When they were almost halfway down the hall, Livilla appeared on the stairs and called out, "Agrippina, please wait for me."
A few years ago, Livilla's husband Drusus, Tiberius' only son, had died suddenly of an illness to which one of her twins, Germanicus Gemellus, also succumbed shortly afterwards. Livilla had cared for her husband and her son touchingly, which was why she had risen even further in Tiberius' esteem. After they had both died, Tiberius had insisted that she continue to live in his house with their remaining son, Tiberius Gemellus.
Like a fledgling, Livilla fluttered down the stairs and hurried towards Agrippina. In a flash, Livilla pulled Agrippina into her arms and whispered hastily in her ear, "Don't touch the food or drink."
What she did not say, Agrippina heard only too clearly. She was still a problem because she was still asking questions about her husband's death in public and there was nothing Tiberius hated more than unresolved issues. Only Agrippina had no interest in being solved. Who would protect her children from this terrible person when she was gone?
With a smile on her lips, Agrippina swallowed her nausea and pressed a kiss to Livilla's cheek.
"Auntie," Gaius greeted, giving Livilla a charming smile. Surprised, Livilla turned her attention to Gaius as if she had just noticed his presence and swallowed before pulling him to her as warmly as Agrippina had. Livilla had been the mother-in-law of Agrippina's son Nero for so long now that Agrippina sometimes forgot that Livilla was her late husband's sister.
Only half-heartedly did Agrippina listen to the exchange of words between Gaius and Livilla, which mainly revolved around Gaius' astonishing resemblance to Germanicus. Why did people always think this astonishing? Gaius was, after all, his father's son. Who else would he resemble? Marcus Porcius Cato Minor?
Before Agrippina could lose patience, a praetorian appeared in the doorway and asked her to follow him. Automatically, Agrippina reached out her hand to Gaius, which he happily took.
To her surprise, the number of invited guests was very limited - Tiberius had only invited the closest circle of the family. So only his mother Livia, Agrippina's mother-in-law Antonia Minor, Livilla and Tiberius Gemellus, Agrippina's sons Nero and Drusus with their wives Julia and Aemilia Lepida, Agrippina's brother-in-law Claudius and herself. Apart from her, everyone had already settled into their assigned seats. Delighted, Tiberius greeted the newcomers and Agrippina pulled Gaius with her to the only free couch that stood between Tiberius and Nero. When Aemilia's eyes fell on Gaius, she bent to her Drusus and whispered eagerly in his ear. For a moment Drusus' eyes darkened, then he laughed happily and greeted his younger brother. Gaius let go of his mother's hand, ran to his brother and exchanged a few friendly words. As soon as he turned away from them, Aemilia began whispering excitedly again.
Gaius' bright smile cleared Agrippina's thoughts for a moment and as soon as he settled down beside her, she relaxed a little. But when a servant handed her a goblet of wine a moment later, she remembered Livilla's warning, and Agrippina placed the goblet on the table while she joined in the banal table conversation. The first course came and the second and third, but Agrippina did not touch any of the food. Nor did her goblet touch her lips once. After a while she registered how Tiberius kept glancing disapprovingly in her direction. Why hadn't he just stayed in Capri? After the fourth course, Tiberius politely asked her to finally touch the food. But Agrippina politely declined and the next moment Livilla caught Tiberius' attention, lying to his other side.
"Are you unwell, Mother?" asked Gaius softly, the deep concern in his voice stirring her. Why couldn't all her sons be like him? Gently, Agrippina brushed a stray strand of hair from his forehead and just as she was about to reply, Tiberius' irritated voice boomed through the room once more.
"I have come all the way from Capri to Rome to reconcile with you, Agrippina!" thundered Tiberius. "And no sooner do you enter the room than you stir up strife with your nature! Stop this childish behaviour and eat your food like everyone else present!"
Suddenly, all conversation in the room fell silent. Slowly, Agrippina withdrew her hand from her youngest son's face and noticed how much it was trembling. But she was not paralysed with fear as she had been at many other suppers. For far too long she had had to hide her true feelings for this vile person. Her whole body trembled with rage. Slowly she turned to face her husband's murderer. If he had already decided her downfall, at least she could go out in style.
"I am sorry if I have hurt your feelings, oh great Tiberius," she purred. "I am touched that you have come such a long way just for our reconciliation. Do you wish to apologise for the attack on my husband or the one on me?"
Tiberius' face changed colour from scarlet to chalky white and finally to purple. For quite a while he thundered, venting about her impudence and many other things he had always hated about her, loved Germanicus for. All the while Agrippina listened to his tirade with a politely interested smile that only infuriated him further. She was Vipsania Agrippina, the daughter of the great Marcus Vipsanius Agrippa and his wife Julia, the daughter of the great Augustus. If she were a man, she herself would have a much higher claim to the office, to which her stepfather Tiberius had repeatedly proved unworthy since Augustus' death. Tiberius had always hated her mother Julia and made her life unbearable, even though her stupid mother had sincerely loved him. A Vipsania Agrippina would not let herself be humiliated and broken by any Tiberius Claudius Nero.
After a while, Tiberius gasped, hastily grabbed his goblet and downed its contents in one gulp. How had her mother ever loved this monster? Why had her grandfather Augustus only insisted that her mother marry him, even though Julia was no longer legally obliged to obey his wishes?
"If I should lie, just prove me wrong and eat something from my plate or drink from my goblet," Agrippina suggested in a conciliatory tone, batting her long black eyelashes, to which Tiberius gave her a hateful look.
"I have nothing to prove to you, you hypocritical woman! And now get out of my house before I strangle you here and now with my bare hands!" he shouted and jumped up from his couch. Heart pounding, Agrippina stood up and reached for Gaius, but he was already standing at her side with a deadpan expression. Relief flooded through her. Without a glance at the others, she took her little Gaius by the shoulder, hid him from the gaze of those present with her own veil and pulled him away from this corrupt and lying family to which, they would forever belong.
In the corridors, some praetorians stood in their black uniforms and looked after them thoughtfully. When they reached the atrium, Gaius suddenly stopped them and pointed to something in the shadows. In disbelief, Agrippina stared at the scene before her. But there, almost hidden by the darkness, stood Livilla and Sejanus, closely embraced and oblivious to the world around them. Their kiss was too passionate for that. Panic spread through Agrippina and her throat tightened.
Silently Gaius dragged her on and miraculously they both reached her own villa on the Palatine alive a few minutes later.
"Lock all the doors and windows! Let no one in, no matter who is at the door!", Agrippina ordered her slaves as soon as they reached her own atrium. Immediately her orders were hurriedly carried out.
"Gaius, go and wake your sisters," she turned to her son. "Bring them to me at once"
Gaius nodded gravely and hurried away. Thoughts raced in her mind. How on earth was she going to get her children out of the city before Tiberius' lackeys came and took them all away? Hastily she scurried through the house, checking all the entrances. A hasty knock at the back door made her flinch. Strained, Agrippina listened, but no voice asked to enter. Instead, she heard hurriedly receding footsteps. Heart pounding, she approached the door and listened, but there was only silence. Carefully she unlocked the door and opened it a crack. On the threshold lay a letter. Hastily she reached for the scroll, then slammed the door shut and barred it. Next, she ran into Germanicus' study and was relieved to find the oil lamp burning.
Gingerly, she broke the seal of her mother-in-law Antonia and began to read the hastily written letter.

Livia and I are trying to calm Tiberius. He wants you dead. He has wanted you dead ever since you made Germanicus' assassination public. You were and always will be a danger to him. So will your children. Tiberius wanted to send praetorians after you immediately to execute you on the spot, but Nero stopped him. He made it to his villa just in time before the Praetorians could catch up with him. We'll try to save him from Tiberius too. Never let your youngest children out of your sight. Do not leave the house. Don't let anyone in. Destroy this.

Three times Agrippina read Antonia's message carefully, memorising every word. When Gaius appeared in the room with Drusilla, Julia and little Agrippina, the letter was already burning in a bowl.
With a sad smile, Agrippina spread her arms and her children clung to her. Her sweet little girls sobbed heartbreakingly, though they had not yet realised the danger they were all in. Gaius returned her gaze earnestly and suddenly Agrippina knew that Gaius would survive. He would probably have to face the greatest terrors and the deepest abysses, but he would survive Tiberius.
Slowly Agrippina pulled her wedding ring from the middle finger of her left hand and put it on her son's little finger. The blue stone sparkled in the dull light of the oil lamp. He looked at her questioningly from his sky-blue eyes.
"This ring once belonged to my mother, before that it belonged to my father's grandmother," she explained solemnly, grabbing him by the shoulders. "Just before Augustus banished her, my mother gave this ring to your grandmother Antonia. She must have known even then that your father and I were meant for each other and on the day of my wedding I wept with joy when your father put this ring on me. Now you shall have it and I want you to give it one day to the woman you love with all your heart. Your father took a promise from you at the moment of his death that you would survive. You must swear to me here and now that you will never forget who you are. You are the direct descendant of the great Augustus and of Marcus Antonius. You are the son of the great Germanicus, but above all you are my son, Gaius. In you are joined the four most powerful bloodlines Rome has ever seen. Never forget who you are.
Seriously, Gaius pulled her close and pressed a feather-light kiss to her forehead.
"I promise you, Mother," he replied earnestly and added to cheer her up: "No one could ever forget you.
But these words saddened her. Perhaps her name would never be forgotten, but it would be dragged through the mud and the public's opinion twisted so that no one would remember the real her. Because she was nothing more than a tragic figure in a merciless game that had to fall. Her time was up. For even if Livia and Antonia could calm Tiberius today, tomorrow he would seal her downfall. Some pieces had to be sacrificed so that victory could ultimately be won. One day their little Gaius would stand at the head of this corrupt family and thus gain supreme power in the state. This was revenge enough for Agrippina for the crimes against her family and herself.