Unfinshed Thoughts

Real friends only appear in dreams

I miss the idea of real love and real friendship.

I’ve never had it before and sometimes I wonder if I ever will.

For 3 years I thought I had a real friendship, someone I could truly talk to.

It was all a lie. 

They texted me:

“I know we usually talk about me, but I want you to know you can always talk to me about anything, just to rant or talk about someone, even your mental health, just know that I love you and i’m always here”

It sort of threw me off to see that message coming from them 3 separate times in the span of 1 day, so i was relieved in a way knowing that they noticed how much i try to ‘show up’ for them, hoping finally they understood what i go through.

Like I said before, It was all a lie.

The first thing they said when they saw me was about them.

The entire conversation was about them and their relationship issues. 

And I didn’t notice it at first, but as soon as they started talking about them I found myself rolling my eyes and whispering things in my head about what bullshit their promises and words were. 

Their words meant nothing to them, but everything to me.

It was all a lie.

A dirty self-centered lie about how they cared.

They never did. 

Just like always, even this conversation was about them.

You’re never going to read this and if you do, you won’t know it’s about you because self-centered people don’t care about things that don’t involve them.

9/28/21