Why Did You Let Go!?

The Letter I Wrote....

Shinso, Hawks and Aizawa looked at you and smiled. They were actually happy because they thought that you was believing what they were saying. You knew that it would go from one ear out of the other.

You: "I would like to speak with Aizawa alone please"

The boys respect your wishes as Shinso and Hawks left the room. You really did love them so much. Aizawa was in front of you looking and waiting for you to talk. You took a deep breath and started to speak.

You: "Talking about my mental illness can be hard. I want to scream it out to the world, get all my thoughts and feelings out in the open. I don’t want to be trapped in my own thoughts that are hiding within the darkness of my mind. I wanted to talk to you, but I was scared."

He sighed then continued to listen to you.

You: "I’m scared of being judged and rejected. I’m scared of the stigma surrounding mental illness. My experiences in the past have seemingly convinced me to keep my feelings to myself. When you share with the wrong people, it doesn’t always work out the way you want it to. It takes a lot of trust and honesty to talk about myself even with those who are closest to me. My depression has changed my life. It’s an awful thing to experience."

Aizawa was quite amazed to hear how well you could express your feelings since it was a very hard thing to do.

You: "It tells me not to engage in conversation and not to talk about myself. It tells me no one wants to hear it because no one cares. It’s affected how I sleep, how often I eat, my memory and my concentration. School is a long blur of fighting to concentrate. I am telling you this not to make you feel bad for me or worry about me. I am telling you this so maybe you can attempt to understand me better, think about what it’s like for me to live like this and maybe even relate to it. I hope we can use each other for support and a shoulder to cry on when needed. Support from friends and family is one of the most important things when you have a mental illness. You feel so alone, and depression is the only thing by your side. Having support from those who love you can make life a hundred times more bearable."

He hugged you with a calm and caring look on his face.

Aizawa: "thank you for telling me about how you really feel. I have something to show you that I am a bit concerned about but I found it in your room a while ago"

You looked at him scared and confused.

He took the note out of his draw next to you and sighed.

Aizawa: "Can I read this to you since you wrote it?"

You nodded and started to listen.

Aizawa: "the time you read this letter, I will be only a faded memory.
A corpse on the cold bathroom floor.
It is too late for me now, and I know it.
Even as I write this letter I can feel the life draining out of me.
But I feel it, so that's something, right?
I have been dead for a while now, though you may not have noticed.
I died the night I couldn't love you, Shinso. I loved you with everything. My heart, my body and soul. I am sorry I wasn't good enough for you. At least you're happy. I went numb, and ceased to feel. Ceased to be. That was when I first cut. I just needed to feel something. After a while it wasn't enough. I thought if I cut deeper and spilled more of my blood I would at least make me feel alive. It worked for a while, but in the end it just left me hollower than before. I tried to keep it together, for my family, but you know something? They don't need me any more. None of them do. I just cause you more pain and suffering than I'm worth. Because I lied. I am not Y/N.
Not anymore. I am nothing without you all. You don't need me. None of you do. How can I take care of my friends and family when I can't take care of myself? I can't. Not anymore. I used to be able to, before this all started. I just can't remember how anymore. I sit here and remember the fight me and my parents had. They  told me to leave and the words they used cut me more than any blade ever did. Don't worry. I am going now.
I feel so tired, my vision is becoming blurred, and I know I must go soon, but wait. There is some wisdom I still need to depart on you. The last order I shall give you is the one to do what you want. I was only trying to protect you all. I am sorry. I won't do it again.
Promise. I was a bad hero. I know it.
So, do what you want, and maybe you'll see why I was the way I was.
Shinso, my baby. Go off make the world better...
Go be yourself, and be happy. Go make me proud. Sam, my brother.
Go be the person you want to be.
Go blow up things. Go give away your life. Go and accidentally kill yourself or someone you love and see how it feels to be a murder. Like I am.
Lucky, my old Dog. Go draw attention to yourself. Go bark at everyone you meet. Act like you are happy as heck, and lick them. Go get the Frisbee, go get screamed at, go get called a dirt bag. Go be happy about being a dirt bag Lucky...
People don't like things that are different. I learned that the hard way, and tried to shield everyone from it, but maybe I was wrong to do so.
Class 1A, damn it I love you. Go be the heroes who other people depend on for every little thing.
Talia, my freaking OC, and Aizawa.
I want someone to hold me.
I want my sissy to hold me. I want the Class to hold me. I want my brother to hold me, I want my Mom to hold me.
Then you'll really be alone like you always wanted to be, and whose fault will it be? Not mine, that's for sure.
That's why I'm leaving. I want out. I can't take it anymore. I need a break.
I need to be free. I loved you guys all with all my heart. I hope you're happy together. All I can say is that I tried.
It was too hard. Goodbye..."

You: "The Letter That I Wrote....."

(1159 words all together)

Me: thank you so much for the love on this story. Everyone wanted another part so I did it. This one is different to the others but I'm glad that you are wasting your time reading my stories. I'm very grateful. Anyway I'm going to write more chapters if you want me to.
Let me know! Goodbye for now!
Kind regards,
Caleb Jones.