Bound

Chapter Twenty Two

TW(self harm & relapse talk)

"Lilith?"
Severus' concerned tone cuts through my trail of thought.

"My apologies. It's very simple. Just a potion that you drink. You manifest what age you want and how long you want to stay that way and that's it. The potion itself takes a while to create but it's not difficult."

"What do you say then? May I?"
His eyes are full of hope.

"Severus. What you need to know is that if you go through with this, is the kind of heartache you'll go through. Watching your closest friends grow old and pass on. It's not easy."
I say, memories of my friends from Beauxbatons flooding my mind as they are older with grandkids now.

"I want this."
He says firmly.

"But lastly. I need to know that another argument that ends in our separation won't happen again. I mean, what if we got into a fight and one of us wanted out and decided to just give up and pass on or start again. Younger. Like a child, depending on how young you go, you lose all memory of that past life."

"I want you. Always.
It was a mistake leaving you, I'm so sorry."
His face now sullen with regret.

I stand up, walking around to the other side and I sit down on the floor in front of him. My hand grabs his and squeezes.

"Always."
I say as I pull his hand up, planting a kiss.

I watch as a single tear falls down his cheek. My reflex making me wipe it away.

"We'll visit my father tomorrow. He can talk more about it with you."
My hand cupping his face. His eyes meet mine.

"Okay."
He says in a whisper.

"I can feel something else bothering you my love. What is it?"
My voice is quiet and calm.

"I regret leaving you. I feel as if you don't trust me anymore and that you're scared I'll go again. I didn't understand at the time but now that I do, I see why you didn't want to tell me then..."
More tears fall as he talks.

"I trust you with my life. During our 'break' all I could think about was you. You never left my mind. My mental state declined yes, but you are what helped me get through it Severus."
Both of my hands are now on either side of his face, wiping away the fallen tears.

"I-I am?"

"Yes."

My hands slowly reach up and wrap around the back of his neck. I feel his arms on my back, holding me. Our embrace feels like forever that we're tangled in each other.

In an attempt to wrap myself around him tighter, I feel a sharp pain in my left arm. It felt like a rip. My heart drops when I feel blood begin to trickle down.

"Severus. I need to use the bathroom. Please excuse me."

"Of course."
His arms retreat back to his sides as I try to remain calm.

I shut and lock the bathroom door behind me. I flip the knob, turning the water on to flush out the sound of opening cabinets and drawers. Just a gauze pad. I need just one.
I pull open the left drawer, then the right. Nothing. The medicine cabinet has nothing but small bandaids and eye drops. I freeze when I hear a knock.

"Lilith? Are-are you alright?"

"Yes I'm fine. I'll be right out."
I pull some toilet paper off the roll and begin to fold it into a shape to fit over my now opened scar.

"Are you needing something?"
He asks.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."
I can tell he's getting curious.

"Lilith."

"Yes?"

"Stop lying and let me in please."
Shit. I take a deep breath and unlock the door.

His tall body casts a shadow that engulfs mine.

"What are you looking for in here darling?"
I hide my arm behind my back, trying to hide the blood that has now pooled onto my sleeve.

"Nothing."
I say, looking down at my feet.

"Let me help you love."
He takes a step closer.

He keeps his movements slow as he wraps around my side to examine my arm. He pulls it out from behind my back, holding it with my palm facing up. I watch as his hand pulls my sleeve up, away from the source of blood. He freezes for a quick second when he sees the damage I inflicted on myself no more than a few days prior. The night before receiving his gifts.

"Sit on the side of the tub darling."
His voice tender.

I do as he says and plant it on the lip of the tub. He opens the small cupboard door below the drawer and pulls out a first aid kit. He removes glue, gauze, and a bandage to wrap it. I watch as Severus squeezes the glue between the fold of the scar, lightly pinching the skin together for 30 seconds until it holds.

"This was deep, how did you take care of it? I see no sign of infection which is good."
He asks while working.

"I kept it really clean."
I say, looking away. I'm now embarrassed.

"That's good. We're you trying to get rid of the dark mark?"

"No...I-I just wanted something big. I didn't realize the damage until after.."

"It's okay darling. You're all fixed up now."
I hadn't noticed that he finished wrapping the gauze around my arm and taping it on securely.

"Yo-you're not mad?"
I ask.

"Of course not. Here, let me show you something."
Severus grabs the bottom of his sweater, bringing it up over his head.

His back is chiseled and muscular. There's long pale colored stripes in different directions across his back. I gasp when I realize they're scars.
He turns to face me. My heart drops into my stomach as I see the same lines all across his torso and arms. His dark mark almost unrecognizable from the same lines I have on me. The small chest hair he has covers the few that lay beneath it. The creases of his toned stomach blend in with the rest.
I stand up, I trace my fingers softly over the marks.

"Sev..."

"Most are from my father. Others are from my own doing over the years."
He lifts his arm and runs his fingers through my hair.

My eyes shut as he does a twisting motion on my scalp with his fingers.

"I-I'm sorry."
I say as I continue to trace over his torso and arm.

"This is why I know how to take care of you. It's not easy stopping. This kind of healing needs nothing but patience and understanding."
His other arm wraps around my back, pulling me to him.

My muscles relax as soon as my body comes in contact with his. His fingers are still playing in my hair. I rest my hand on his stomach, the bumps feeling warm under my skin. I feel so safe with Severus, being near him makes me feel alive.