I hate everyone and everything, including myself.
and the more I hate other people, the more I hate myself because even though I don't usually tell people straight to their face that I dislike them, I still feel guilty about it. I hate myself. I'm so weak, it's disgusting. So instead of cutting cause I can't, I'm drinking red bull which is another form of self harm because I know it's gonna hurt me and that's the exact reason I'm doing it. I also joined an app that "helps" people or whatever but all I got was a text saying "You're not alone." like, no shit! I'm fucking aware of that and it doesn't make a goddamn difference. They don't deserve my hate though, they're struggling too so I hate myself more because what they said pissed me off. I'm so fucking weak. I hate it. HATE it. ugh.
..........................................................
I'm tired and angry. at everyone and myself and everything. why can't they see? why can't i TELL them?? why is communicating SO hard??? why can't i sleep without nightmares ? TRAUMA. and GUILT. UGH.
my goal is to drink two redbulls and eat as little as possible today. i don't deserve to eat so i'm not gonna :)
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The Youngest
HorrorWe hold absolutely nothing back in this book; these are unfiltered thoughts btw. We write in this book to vent / rant; whatever we need. We will update this book as we go on. This is a Diary of sorts for a Complex DID System whose been through RAMC...
