Why am I made out to be the bad guy when he traumatized me?
I don't get it.. and I don't know how to deal with these trauma responses without a therapists help.
And now I feel like a shitty person because I can't handle sitting next to him for an hour.. no.. I can't do it.
..I've had nightmares of this man, flashbacks of him whenever I see someone else who looks similar to him or reminds me of him in some way..
I can't do it. And I told my sister that. I just hope she doesn't think I'm selfish or something for not being able to handle this.. or that I'm lying because I don't like him. And that's true, I don't like him but I would never lie about how much emotional and mental pain he put us through..
..I hold a lot of that emotional and mental break fuckery.. I don't know exactly what he did but it had to be something traumatic to cause trauma responses, like that only makes sense..
I also feel betrayed.. because our sister knows we have DID.. everybody has a different way of processing things.. in our system, some alters forced themselves to act friendly with him and that just made everything worse..
..I don't want to feel this way anymore.. sick and disgusting and fake.. but I can't be fake if I'm worried about other people thinking I'm fake, right?
..I don't know anymore..
At a loss for words really..
YOU ARE READING
The Youngest
HorrorWe hold absolutely nothing back in this book; these are unfiltered thoughts btw. We write in this book to vent / rant; whatever we need. We will update this book as we go on. This is a Diary of sorts for a Complex DID System whose been through RAMC...
