i dont deserve to be comfortable.
the only way i can be loved is through my body..
even if my body parts disgust me and sex makes me wanna puke, i'll do whatever it takes to feel something or rather, distract from my fading humanity slash emotions. fill the void..
not that anyone would want to use my body in the first place. im too fucked up. but i can go numb, for them.. i can pretend, im good with masks :)... fuck. fucking.. FUCK. how'd it get this bad?? it's not just one of us, it's almost goddamn all of this that feel this way.. that makes me sick.
i wont leave or disobey, anything you say, i'll do it. i can do it. a n y t h i n g... for you..
this disgusts me. im trying to shake the filth off of me. i hate them, the abusers, our abusers, i fucking hate them..
stimming again, clothes feel uncomfortable-
doesn't fucking matter, we deserve to be uncomfortable.
no we don't. stop saying that.
...it's true.
it's not true at all. we deserve lo-
NO! WE DON'T! NO NO NO NO STOP STOP STOP STOP-
okay okay, i'm sorr-
NO NO NO NO NO NO STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOOOOOO
it happened for a reason!! sobbing
...we were 3, the men were sick bastards.. we didn't deserve it.
SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UPPPPP!!!
.........................................................
ending it would be so nice. i switched away from that conversation cause it was going nowhere.. its Ren, again, i hope y'all missed me :)
YOU ARE READING
The Youngest
HorrorWe hold absolutely nothing back in this book; these are unfiltered thoughts btw. We write in this book to vent / rant; whatever we need. We will update this book as we go on. This is a Diary of sorts for a Complex DID System whose been through RAMC...
