An Idol's Secret | SKZ Fanfic ♡

Chapter 60

So many years, so many years I had been waiting for him to say those three words for me, always being a coward when it comes to admitting things.

Yet why did he have to admit it now? Why couldn't have he admitted it in all of those years we met each other? Why couldn't I admitted it, in all of these years I've known him?

It felt unfair, it truly felt unfair for me. It felt like the ground was wobbling, for such embarrassment I was needing to face.

"I've been friends with you for a long time now, too long some might say." I just listened attentively, for that was all I could do, as no words would come out of my mouth.

I felt stupid, I was stupid.

"At one point I started to feel something more, than the term "friends". I guess it was pretty obvious to everyone else, but you didn't seem to get the memo, so much so, that you already found someone else.' he took a deep breath, it felt like what he was about to say, was something that would most people would regret, but knowing him...

He had no regrets.

"Yet, you don't even seem happy with him." my face was filled with repulse, I immediately refused to such false statement.

That wasn't true, it couldn't be true. I was happy, I was happy with Chan...right?

Narrator's POV

But were you really happy, being with such a man like him, Rose? It feels a little bit hard to believe, when all you do seems to show the exact opposite.

Regret, anger, that's all we see from you, anger of ever loving such man, anger of every being so weak to love someone again.

When you promised yourself you'd never betray your members in such way, betray your own self by putting yourself in a worse state, betraying yourself for no reason, because what is there wrong with loving someone? What is wrong about loving and caring for someone like Chan?

Why do such voices keep telling you it's wrong, for your safety, your publicity, your fans? Why can't you just live your life freely, Rose?

Is it because of this career you worked so hard for? Not knowing the consequences of entering such industry, as you were just a young kid with big dreams.

Or is it the fact that you got into such a relationship that was impossible to get out of, just to get out to achieve said dream?

So many factors, so many things stopping you from ever living your life, to the point were you started to think about your members instead of yourself, because you're just a lost cause, aren't you?

You already started to give up on yourself and instead look towards your members, who still have a will to live, you wanted to protect what you didn't have.

How sad.

Jaehyun continued, as she kept attentively listening to each word, not saying anything at all.

"I knew it was wrong liking you, I never said anything because I already knew that you had too much to deal with at the time, it felt like dating was a luxury that you'd never have."

"I also didn't want to ruin what we already had, until he had to pressure me into it." He confessed, looking right towards Chan, with heavy eyes and a sad smile.

"I get it, you want her all for yourself."

"This can't be, this isn't how it's supposed to go, this wasn't how it was planned." she thought, as she kept nervously playing around with her fingers, her hair, everything her hands were able to touch.

"This wasn't how it was supposed to go!!"

They all, confused, looked at her, as she kept screaming nonsense with such a small, panicky voice. It was honestly funny to look at.

"Of course I f*cking liked you!! I never said anything because I was afraid!! Afraid of everything that could've happened if I did admitted it to you!!"

Liked you.

like...ed.

How come two letters, can change everything to the biggest lie we all have ever heard? It's interesting how such small changes in the way we say things, thinking it's for the best, can lead up to worst decisions we have ever done.

Maybe that's the fun yet messed up way of life, maybe that's why a lot of people continue such path, maybe that's why most people end such path, creating a wall in their own life.

Having no other choice but to go back to where you started.

Maybe it's luck that we need to survive, maybe it's the determination that everyone keeps saying you must keep.

"But then what about now?" The whole room fell silent, as Rose looked back towards him, pain filled her tears that were just waiting for the right moment to strike.

She felt hurt, she felt hurt by him asking such question. Even though she knew that such question, was meaningless to compare with such significance and betrayal she held such question with.

All she could answer was with a no. Such a random and short answer, one answer that did not make any sort of sense in the eyes and ears of the rest, but was extremely clear in her mind.

"What? What do you mean by no?"

Tears were already starting fall down her soft cheeks, her rose colored cheeks that she had just colored with blush for an interview.

"I'm not doing this."

"I want to change, I want to move on, yet you never let me. I never wanted to be irrational, I never asked to be this way, but you make me be such way..." her voice kept getting tinier, as she herself felt tinier and tinier, admitting to such selfish feelings.

"Everyone just has to make my life a little bit worse...don't they? I'm getting tired of this, I'm tired of crying in your shoulder, thinking that my life was over." her voice started to get more stronger, much more louder, but her sniffles and tears could still be heard over her soft voice.

She slightly chuckled about what she was about to say, maybe it seemed a bit like overreacting, from her part, but she decided to ignore that.

"But now, I won't even have that shoulder to cry!! What else will I not have?!" Everything felt frustrating for her, as she kept her tears to herself, not daring to look up, not wanting to see everyone else's reaction to such scene she was currently causing.

But was it really her fault when they instigated the scene first? Forcing her to participate in such acts?

"What do you mean Rose? Of course I'm still here for you." he kept wiping her tears on her face, a slight smile on his face as he kept touching her, being so close towards her.

Too close.

"This wasn't what I had planned...Jae, why?!" she screamed, still fiddling with her fingernails, indicating that she was still nervous about this whole situation. She pushed his hand away from her face.

Such uncalled-for actions, did he always do that without her ever taking notice of anything? Such stupidity got her trapped where she wanted to escape from the most, from such stupidity called the past of F5.

His face showed a grimace expression, really everyone inside of the room had said expression, as they kept listening to her cries for help, help against such situation she had apparently been placed in.

She took in a deep breath and took the time to have a small laugh, being flabbergasted at the fact of her being inside of this room, having to talk about this in front of everyone. Even she couldn't believe it.

Chan took a deep breath, as he kept having a disappointed, dry expression on his face.

"You still didn't answer his question, Rose."

"Are you hiding something from the both of us?"