...If Michael Only Knew...(On Hold)

The diary (Oct. 4, 1987)

"Mmmmmhh..Mi-Mi-Mikey...What are you doing? Why did you do that?" Maria said as she slowly pulled herself away from Michael's lips. Michael sighed and licked his lips. "Honestly Maria..I-I'm sorry...It's just that I felt like you needed love and that you needed it from me..." Michael whispered. Maria gave him a look of confusion,but he can tell she wanted more of his sweet kisses. "Why would you think that? Don't tell me you want to take advantage of me too!" Maria said as she lifted her head from Michael's chest. She had tears in her eyes. "Why would you think that Michael? Tell me!" Maria asked again. Michael sighed and reached in his pants pocket and pulled out Maria's diary. He opened it and read the first page out loud to Maria. Maria let out a loud gasp and tried to wrestle the diary out of Michael's hand, but he was too strong.

"Gimme! How did you even get that?!!! That's none of you buisness!" Maria yelled. Michael rolled out of the bed on the floor. "No! You are MY buisness! I'm not going to give you this book back Maria! Maybe if I read this, I can finally understand what is exactly wrong with you!" Michael fussed with tears in his eyes. "...I never knew you turned this book into a personal diary Maria. Honestly. I thought you were back writing short stories like the good old days not...this!" Michael said as he fanned the book in the air dramatically. "You know, I've spent YEARS trying to find out what exactly is wrong with you! I want to know because that's the only way I can help you! I know your parents and only grandmother was murdered in front of you, but see, that's ALL I know! I don't know why you're so over protective of yourself, and especially me! I want to know more about you mentally, before I can help you...physically..." Michael said as he angrly stuffed the diary back in his pants pocket. "But, but How did you even get this Michael! It was under my pillow back at the ranch!" Maria cried. "Lamar gave it to me..." Michael paused. "Look, I'm gonna go pack our stuff now. I'm sorry Maria." Michael put on his jacket and loafers. He walked out of the room and slammed the door unknowingly.

Slash and Lisa were on the couch talking when they heard all the yelling coming from the room where Michael and Maria were. "Michael? Is everything okay?" Lisa asked concerned. Michael just shook his head agressively in denial. "C'mon Slash...we gotta get rid of this fool so we can go ahead and pack...we leave tomorrow man." Michael then walked out of the door and Slash ran after him.

*Maria's POV*

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Michael knows. When he kissed me, I knew that he had found out something. I know Michael. He's not the type to act unless he's sure that he should. and that kiss. That sweet, loving, blissful kiss, it was a sign that he knew that I was inlove with him. What am I going to do? Michael is probably disgusted with me! Having feelings for him while with another man. And quite frankly I'm disgusted with my damn self. You know, I have a feeling. A feeling that I've never felt before. I feel loved, like my life is finally going somewhere. Maybe, Michael should read that diary...I want him to finally know who I really am and why I'm as protective over me and him as I am...ya'll...I'm so inlove with this man. The way he talks, his high- sweet voice and his low deep voice, the way he moves his body, the way he dresses, his love for people and children around the world, and especially his body! How his face his perfectly crafted from that dimple in his chin to his sharp jawline to his perfectly curly, jet black hair. I'm just inlove! *Gasps* but, once Michael reads that diary...and finds out everything about me, what if he doesn't return feelings for me because of it? Only God knows...

Slash and Michael have made it back into the room to find Lamar, who was still tied up to the chair, unconcious. "What are we gonna do with him Michael?" Slash asked. Michael smiled. "Shit, just stuff his ass in the closet. We leave in the morning anyway. When we leave, he'll be the maids problem then." Michael replied with haste in his voice. Slash shrugged his shoulders and drug Lamar into the empty closet and shut the door. Slash look over at Michael and he seemed sad. He was just sitting there starring at Maria's diary on the coffee table. "What's wrong man?" Slash asked as he slowly sat beside Michael. Michael let out a weak giggle. "Slash, isn't it amazing how this little innocent book started all of this? I mean, this book crumbled a relationship,  caused to a rape, and almost lead to my damn death! This little book!" Michael shook his head and picked it up. "Maria doesn't want me to read this,  but I must. You can't help a person if you don't know what you're helping them for..." Michael looked over at Slash and Slash nodded his head. "Well, while you read that, I'll go pack you and Maria's things it's the least I can do man." Michael held up his hand "Nah bro you don't have to do that." Michael said. "Look, you've got other shit to worry about, plus I've already packed me and Lisa's shit so I might as well..." Michael smirked and turned his attention back to the diary. "Here goes nothing..." he whispered as he opened the book to page two.

Page Two

Today wasn't good at all. Lamar got mad at me and it's all my fault. Why you ask? Because, today Michael left to go to the studio to work on some last miute stuff for a project him and Quincy are working on. I had the whole Ranch to myself. My nerves get all bad when I'm here by myself, so invited Lamar iver just to chill. Nothing romantic, nothing sexual. Just the two of us watching movies in the theater but no. Lamar wanted more than that. He wanted to have sex. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't do it, and I told him that. I told him that my beliefs were "No sex until marriage" and that I was sticking to it! And what happened? Lamar got mad and he smacked me...he hit me again. After he promised me he'll never hit me again! I know Michael would never hit me. He would respect my wishes and he would respect me. I can't believe I'm still even with Lamar! What drugs am I on!? There is no way in HELL if I was well mentally that I would stay with this clown! He's always hitting me if I don't do what he wants...it's like I'm his Tina Turner and he's my Ike...I wanna leave. Believe me diary I do, but I can't. I don't want to be alone. And Lamar is the only man who does and ever will want me...I love Michael so much and I want him. I NEED him! But, he has no clue!...if only he knew.

... If Only Michael knew... 3/16/85

Michael held back tears as he laid back on the couch to get comfortable. He read page after page of that diary while Slash packed him and Maria's belongings. He suddenly became enraged when he got deeper into her diary. It was alot of sick and twisted things that took place when Michel wasn't around and it broke his heart to know that all of those things that happened to Maria could've been prevented if he would have been home with her...

Back in Lisa's room, she and Maria are lying in the bed enjoying ice creaming talking about what went down between her and Michael. "Soooo let me get this shit straight, Michael kissed you and held you?!" Lisa smirked. Maria nodded her head like an excited teenager who just got asked to prom. "Yes! I couldn't believe it either!!!" Maria smiled. Lisa sniffed the air around Maria. "You smell like him too ria..." Lisa said as she stuffed a spoonful of Ice Cream in her mouth. "...Yeah, but he has my diary now! Aparently, Lamar gave it to him!" She sighed. "What the fuck? How did Lamar even get that shit from you?" Lisa said with her mouth open in shock. " I don't know, but soon Michael is gonna know about all the stuff that happened to me! It's so embarassing..." Maria said with anger. "...I'm gonna be honest with you Maria...that shit you told me that happened to you, someone needs to know about it...other than me. You're gonna need to seek help Maria, because that shit wasn't cool at all. I love you, but you need help and I can't help you by myself Ria. It's time for you to come clean to everyone. Mother Katherine, Janet, All of them! And especially, Michael Joseph..." Lisa got up and walked out of the room. Maria slumped down on the bed.

"She's right...I can't hold this shit in anymore..."

Much L.O.V.E

xoxo MoonWalker_234