Ripoff

Night of the Pumpkins

"How the hell do you carve a pumpkin?"

"You carve it."

"Thanks, Claude."

"You're very welcome, Roy."

The two momentarily glared at each other before Roy proceeded to stab the pumpkin in front of him, slicing his thumb in the process. Claude got up to get several bandages while Roy cried in the background. Marth looked on from a distance, his mother senses tingling, but not nearly enough to the point where he'd jump in and save the day. Instead, he nearly barfed as he grabbed a chunk of pumpkin guts with his bare hands. It was so nasty, so slimy, so... seedy. He hated it. So much. And there was still so much left, so many other pumpkins. He could feel his airways tightening, the sweat sliding down his brow.

"Stop being so dramatic," Ike said, smacking Marth's back.

Marth gasped, like he had been holding his breath for a while. "I can't, Ike, the smell." He gagged and covered his mouth with his hand. "If I keep doing this I'm actually gonna die."

"Well it is Halloween, it's the perfect time to die. Día de los Muertos is also in a couple of days so you get to visit us again soon," Ike said.

"How reassuring," Marth glared. "How are you so unbothered by this? I mean I'm sure you've seen, smelt, and felt worse but still."

"'Cause I'm not a pussy," Ike smirked, laughing at Marth's glare. "It's as you say, I've seen, smelt, and felt worse. Plus, this is actually kinda fun. Just try to ignore all the nasty stuff and focus on how fun it'll be once we're done taking all these guts out."

"Ike I'm not an optimist."

"Your in-game version says otherwise."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"Want me to kiss you or something?"

"You gotta kiss the homies every now and then."

"True, true. It's been a while since I felt another person's affection. God I am so alone."

"Emo."

"I hate you."

"Ike!" Peach called from the kitchen. "Your height is required!"

"I'll be right there!" Ike yelled back. He pecked Marth on the cheek, who didn't so much as react, then dumped out the remaining guts in the pumpkin he was working on. He wiped his a paper towel then made his way back through the sunroom and to the kitchen, which, from what he could see, was full of chaos.

"No dumbass, you're supposed to put the flour first," Sheik said.

"Are you sure? I feel like the eggs come first," Link said.

"Don't you mix the dry ingredients together, mix the wet ingredient together, and then mix them both?" Lucina asked.

"Maybe? I'm pretty sure you do vanilla first, then the eggs, then you mix them with flour," Palutena said.

"How about looking at the actual recipe?" Robin suggested.

"That's boring. Sometimes, in life, you gotta go off the rails," Pit said.

"You're not even alive what-"

And in the midst of all the arguing, Ike spotted Peach, trying to reach for something on the top shelf of a cabinet, despite standing on a stool. Truth be told, she looked like she was about to have a breakdown. He couldn't blame her either, considering the mess that this kitchen was bound to become in just a couple of minutes. He walked up to her, easily grabbing the vanilla she was so desperately trying to grab. She sighed in relief as he handed it to her, climbing down from the stool.