Ripoff

Cruise, Day 2: The Valentining

a/n: ik this is three days late shut up

<><><>

Ah, Valentine's Day. A day for couples to show off their love while all the single people have to deal with it. Also a day for new love to start. It's nice for the most part, until you realize how alone you are.

The first stop on the cruise was in Bianca Hills, where a small festival would be held to celebrate the occasion. After this, the cruise would leave Isle Delfino and travel on to different kingdoms. Currently the guys and the gals had split up, the guys going to Marth's room while the gals went to Palutena's. They were preparing themselves for the festival, wearing all kinds of colorful, bright clothing to welcome not only the holiday, but also to welcome spring.

"I miss my wife."

"Your what?"

"My wife! I haven't seen her since this morning."

"But you're not married??? And it's only been like an hour since we had lunch! You two literally sleep in the same room."

"You wouldn't understand."

Marth looked at Ike with disgust. Couples, I swear, he thought as he groaned and looked away. He glanced at Link, who was sitting nearby and was putting on eyeliner.

"Oh, poor you Link. Watching your ex be sickeningly in love with your friend, must suck," Marth said.

"I don't really care anymore, to be honest," Link said, putting down the eyeliner. "If I can't have one Harkinia sibling," he looked at Sheik, who was scrolling through his phone, "I'll go for the other."

"That sounds wrong in so many ways," Marth cringed. "Anyway, doesn't Sheik have a boyfriend?"

"Not yet he doesn't."

"It sure would be a shame if another white-haired, half-dragon avatar showed up," Marth shrugged.

"..isn't Corrin blond?"

"...is he?"

"I think he has like a blond-ish tint to his hair. Either way, I'm the better protagonist, Corrin is an idiot, therefore Sheik should pick me."

"I don't know about that."

"What do you mean?"

"Corrin's stupid in a cute, endearing way. You're stupid in an annoying way."

"I am not stupid!"

"Boy do I have some news for you."

"I'm gonna huuuurl," Robin groaned, clutching his stomach and rushing to the bathroom.

"But the boat stopped moving?" Link said.

"You underestimate how weak Robin's stomach is," Marth said.

***

"What was with me and not wearing dresses? They're so comfortable and easy to move around in, not to mention they're pretty," Zelda wondered out loud.

"Internalized misogyny, honey! It's okay, we all go through that phase," Peach said.

"I'm glad I'm past that."

"I'm still a little hesitant on this thing, not gonna lie," Samus said, holding up a long dress with a skirt that resembled petals wrapping around themselves. "Seems kinda hard to move in."

"I feel like I'm going to overheat in this dress," Lucina said, waving a hand in front of her face.

"And how many layers do you usually wear?" Palutena said.

"Fair point."

"Enough with the chit-chat. Zelda, dear, please do tell us about your relationship so we feel less lonely," Peach said as she wrapped her hair, which was parted into to braids, into low buns at the sides of her head.

"Wouldn't that have the opposite effect?"

"It's so I can pray on your downfall."

"Thanks."

***

The night was beginning to fall, stars decorated the purple-pink sky. Lanterns had been set up on the dock, each with the shape of a heart. The lanterns were aligned into a path, which lead further into Bianca Hills, flower petals showering each of the passengers that made their way through the dreamy land. Soft, classical music played as they were led to an open field, a bunch of space left for dancing or relaxing or having picnics. Chocolates, cakes, and all other kinds of desserts and candies had been laid out to the side, allowing for couples to share sweet treats between one another.

"This sucks," Roy said.

"This place is so pretty!" Pit gasped, looking all around the scenery.

"I thought you retired from being horny?" Shulk said.

"I did. Now I'm depressed," Roy said.

"You're starting to resemble your in-game version."

"I know right?"

"I don't see the girls anywhere," Link said.

"They should be somewhere around here," Marth said, looking around with a hand over his head.

"ZELDA!" Ike shouted out of no where, immediately bolting away from the rest of the group.

"Oh dear."

"Who would've thought his simping abilities would've come in useful," Link said, smirking a little. Zelda, Lucina, and Samus were standing not too far away, and from the looks of it, Zelda's respiration may or may not have been cutoff thanks to Ike's embrace. Link wouldn't deny that that pissed him off a little, but alas, their relationship wasn't in his control.

He noticed Sheik standing not too far away, once again scrolling through his phone. He picked up a red rose from a nearby basket full of them and hid it behind his back, all while sneaking up to the unaware ninja.

"What do you want, Link?" Sheik said.

Damn ninja. Link cleared his throat and held out the rose to Sheik, who jumped in surprise, nearly dropping his phone. "Would you be my valentine?" Link said with a smug smirk, winking.

Sheik's face went from surprise to disgust a little too quickly. "No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Come on, man, do this for your friend."

"Who said we were friends?"

"We could be boyfriends-"

"Shut up, will you?"

"Okayyyy... we should still kiss though."

"I'm going to kill you."

Happy (late) Valentines Day!