Letters On Our Skin || BangChan

20

"You really got to pop on those last two counts," Binna says as we stand in front of the mirror at practice.
It's been two days since I took Chan to the roof and we almost kissed.
Now it's Friday and Binna and I are practicing a part of a choreography I can't keep up with yet. Chi will arrive in a few minutes along with Hana, who is always fashionably late, as it seems.
The rest of the crew is standing behind us, warming up their muscles.
"I don't understand how you bend your leg," I say as I try to copy her, "Like which way are you going?"
"Left to right, girl."
She repeats the motion slowly, but it doesn't look right. Binna steps behind me and leads my leg while I do the move.
She smiles. "Yeah, that's it!"
I do it again, this time improvising a little with the part of the choreography we just went over.
Binna laughs and copies me, as we dance the few counts again.
"Wait, can you show me that?"
One of the dancers, I think his name is Tao, has watched us goof around in front of the mirror. He stands and approaches us.
"Do that again," he says and  rights the cap on his head. "That looked really cool."
"Oh," I look at him surprised. "Sure! You go into a squad and then... five, six, seven, eight. Boom, boom, pow, and shoulder."
Tao is one of the more experienced dancers in the team. He catches up quickly and only needs to watch me one single time.
We dance through the choreography as a trio and I marvel at how perfectly well our styles match.
Tao adds a body wave, and Binna throws her luscious hair around.
"I'm working on a choreography for a song," I mention then, "I would love to make a video of it for the channel. Would you guys be up to dance it with me? You'd be absolutely perfect."
The idea came to me on Tuesday already, but I wasn't brave enough to ask Binna if she'd want to.
"They give me lights and a tech crew if I want them and they can get us a location and everything," I say in hopes to convince them, "I think it could be really fun."
"Girl," Binna takes my hand in hers, "You had me when you called me perfect."
"Do you need more dancers?" Tao asks and rolls his shoulders. "I bet the others would like to join if you'd need them."
"Really? I wasn't sure if-..."
"Oh, Ollie. We're a team here, we always love to help one another out. Just say the word, tag us in the video, and we're all good."

I watch the other dancers in the mirror. I see the hours of effort they put into their work every single day. I can feel it in my own body. I know the wounds from falling to your knees again and again, I know how the torn muscles feel, how exhausting it is to repeatedly dance the same choreography for hours on end. Everybody always praises the idols of a company for their work and creativity, but no one ever mentions the people in the back ground and behind the scenes. The standards are the same for dancers and idols, but we don't get the personal trainers, the physicians looking after our bodies, the privileges. We have to do all that by ourselves.
But just because we're not in the spotlight does not mean we're not there. The regulations and rules also exist for us, our bodies, the way we look, and how much we weigh.

Maybe I can use the job as content creator for JYP to show some light onto the people who deserve it just as much as the idols.
Some good has to come from all that. I can use it to show the world the talents hidden in the background. They said I have total creative freedom as long as a third of the videos I make still include Stray Kids.
This is my chance to finally choreograph for real professionals, for dancers who can make my dreams a reality.
The stories I could tell, the scenes I could shoot....
I could turn this into a series. A video for each background dancer, showcasing their individual talent. I could choreograph with them and have them dance solo in the video, creating it after our combined vision.

"Okay," I say to Tao, "That would be great! If you have capacities in your day, I'd love to work with you all on this!"
In that moment, Chi enters with a tablet in her hand.
Tao, Binna, and I go take our places towards the middle back of the room, when Hana rushes in, drops her stuff by the mirror, and takes her spot in the first row. Chi watches her with one pulled up eyebrow and I hear Binna snicker next to me.
Chi says, "ITZY is invited to a Talkshow in two days, and I have chosen ten dancers for their performance."
I loosen a breath. A big deal, a TV show usually gets broadcasted nationally. But I'm not going to be chosen, I've only been here a week.
Tao holds his breath, but I don't think he has to be nervous. He's an incredible dancer with the physique of a Greek statue. He's very popular with the idols, too.
Chi continues, "You'll do Not Shy and Wannabe, so I'll send you over to Room Two today to go over those choreographies again. The dancers I've chosen are Seiko, Jake, Choi Min, Tyler, Zhu, Ellie, Bayani, Tao, Park Min, and Olivia."
I turn my head. That can't be. That's impossible.
And I'm not the only one who is confused.
"What?" Hana puts both her hands on her hips. "Why is Olivia on that list? She's only been here four days."
She points at me and I can feel my cheeks redden. I would have agreed with Hana if she had been any more of a nicer person. But she's not and so I almost feel a bit proud that I was chosen while she wasn't.
Hana adds, "I'm the leader of this group, why didn't you choose me?"
Chi sighs and places the tablet onto a chair.
She says, "Maybe if you wouldn't have been late every single day of this week I would have chosen you, as well. And Olivia is a hard worker with an incredible talent for dance. She deserves a chance to be seen. You've done plenty of these, you can give newer dancers a chance, Hana."

I don't dare to look at Hana. Her body is so tense she looks like she could snap any moment. In the mirror, her stare is dripping with disgust and hate.
Binna takes my hand and squeezes it.
"Congratulations," she murmurs, "But I guess, we're not asking her to join us for your YouTube video."