Letters On Our Skin || BangChan

72

"Binna, this is not the time to be rebellious," I say as I stare at her. "This is not a game, are you insane?"
"We know that, Ollie," she smiles at me, "Trust me, it wasn't a quick decision, but being at JYPE is not the same without you. You have turned the whole place around and neither Hana nor I want to work there if it is without you. And honestly, Tao and Chi feel the same way. I bet Tao will follow us in a few weeks."
I can't say anything as she adds, "We're not being rebellious, but Jung Wook and the chairmen need to understand that it is not okay how they're treating the backup dancers or their idols. We're all just human and it is absolutely normal to fall in love with coworkers. The fact that they don't understand or recognize that is insane, Ollie!"

I lean into her side and she stabs at a piece of watermelon from the salad.
"I love you, Binna," I tell her and she squeezes my thigh.
"So, you can calm down," she tells me, "Not everyone hates you. In fact, you and Chan might have just started a general, social change. And life will go on. You'll find a new job. It'll be okay, you and Chan will get through it."
I blink.
"I don't even know if Chan still wants to be with me," I admit quietly. "Jung Wook said some things and I think he might be right."
Binna smacks her lips again.
"Yeah, about that-..."

I sit up straight and look at her.
"You know something that I dont," I state and she rolls her eyes.
"We'll, you would know if you had answered your damn phone over the last three days."
She takes a dumpling and stuffs it into her mouth, chews, and swallows in complete calmness.
"He's outside your door," she says then, "I called him over when you were in the shower and he just got here. So, I'll be letting you two have some... alone time."
With that she gets to her feet and presses a kiss to my forehead.
"You can thank me later," she says, "And we'll talk about our future when you're ready. I love you, Ollie-Mollie."

Tears brim my eyes when I look up at her and whisper back, "I love you, too, Binna-Minna."
Then she opens the door and I hear her exchange a few words with someone in front of my door.
Then my door closes again and feet tread over the floor.
I look up and meet Chan's eyes. He's staring down at me, a careful gaze in his eyes, his lips pressed into a thin line. He's exhausted, judging by the dark circles under his eyes and unruly, messy hair.
For a moment, we don't say anything, we only look at each other, but every part of my body is screaming to touch him, to reach out my hands towards him.

"Are you okay?" He asks then, with his hands in the pockets of his sweatshirt.
I nod, and point at the container of dumplings.
"Do you want some?"
His eyes flit away from my face and then sighs, sitting down beside me. I pull the food between our legs, but our arms are almost touching, and I can feel the warmth he's radiating.
He's not looking at me, but I can't take my eyes off of him. It's like I want to make up for the past three days of not having seen him at all, like I am craving the sight of him.

"I missed you," I whisper finally, and it's like a dam is breaking between us, like a border is finally crossed. "I'm sorry, Channie."
Chan's eyes drop to his lap and he pulls up his shoulders.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
He finally turns to look at me, and I swallow thickly. His eyes are brimming with tears, drops of water clinging to his lashes like dewdrops to the petals of a flower.
He clears his throat and repeats, "Why didn't you tell me about the job? Why didn't you trust me-...?"

A tear slips down his cheek and I raise my hand to wipe it away with my thumb. When my hand cups his cheek, he relaxes into my touch.
"I do trust you," I tell him, my voice breaking, "I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how. I had to figure out what I wanted in the first place before I could tell you."
Chan closes his eyes and leans his forehead against mine, trembling.
"Did you think I would stop you from doing what you've always dreamed of?"

I shake my head and drive my hands over his cheeks, into his hair. I pull him closer to me and his hands find their way around my middle.
"I didn't tell you," I say then, "Because I knew you'd tell me to go."
At that, he opens his eyes and looks at me, with a confused look in his face.
I take a deep breath. I never allowed myself to finish the thought, but deep within me I know it's right. I know it's the truth. Just as I know I have to be honest with him, I have to tell him.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me," I say and can feel myself blush, "There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, Chan. But I know you. If I had told you about the job, you would have told me to take it. You would have told me to leave."
Chan shakes his head but I cup his cheeks. I wet my lips, and continue.
"I figured out too late that being away from you doesn't mean I wouldn't be with you. I was wrong to think telling you about it would end our relationship."

Our eyes meet and I can't help but chuckle, when I finally say, "I am in love with you, Chan, and I didn't want to lose you. But I was wrong, and I am so sorry for putting you through all that trouble."

Suddenly, it's like all the tension in Chan's body disappears as he slumps against me, his face against the side of my neck.
With my legs, I push myself up, and Chan pulls me into his lap. His warm hands are placed on my thighs, our chests are pressed together.
His breath is hot on my skin as he whispers with closed, "Say it again, please."
I breathe in. Then I whisper into the silence between us.
"I love you. I am in love with you, Chan."

His grip around me tightens and my hands drive over his chest. A small smile appears on his lips and he opens his eyes.
"I love you, too, Ollie," his voice is rich, warm and steady, "I've been in love with you for so long it feels like I was born loving you."
He chuckles slightly, and shakes his head, but my heart is racing. I can feel something inside me flutter with joy and I can feel his words tickle all over my skin.

"I was so worried about you, Ollie," he adds, "You disappeared into thin air, no one knew where you were. You can't do that, Ollie, it almost killed me."
"I'm sorry," I answer, "I thought after the news about us broke and I got fired, I could still do the job at Hybe. But when they retracted their offer, I completely lost it. I know I handled it wrong, but I needed a few days to get my act together. I'm sorry."

Chan nods and takes my hand into his.
"We'll have to work on it," he says, "But I accept your apology. I'm just glad you're okay."
"So you're not mad at me?"
He weighs his head from side to side.
"I was mad at you for not talking to me," he admits then, "But I knew you were scared and lonely. I guess I was also mad at myself because I couldn't help you through it. Next time you feel like this, please don't shut me out again. I am here to help you, Ollie. We are a team."
"I know," I say, "I promise. From now on, no more secrets. For real, this time."

"Good," Chan cups my face then and touches the tips of our noses together, "And I promise the same. We're okay, Ollie. Everything is going to be okay. So kiss me, because I've been waiting for this ever since I stepped foot through that door."