'' In the bottom of my heart lies a secret which I have never told a soul in the world. There is an image of this person who is dearest to me and closer than anything else. You are my secret. My beautiful little secret'' Warning: Strong language and...
I hate my life. I want to kill myself. After everything I did to make them happy, they aren't still satisfied. I have work hard for so long ... why do they expect more? My childhood always haunt me.
Just because I didn't send their fee for a few weeks doesn't mean my dad can just say whatever rude he wants to me. I have my own life, I want to have my own freedom.
And when every time I think my life can get better ... my parents ruin it.
Tears streamed down my cheeks against my will. I'm so sick of everything. I went into the living room and collected my papers which Taehyung had already done with.
I saw Taehyung looking at me with big eyes. '''Jia Mee ... why are you crying?'''
''I have to go, see you later'' I say in a shaky voice. I opened the door and went outside, thinking of the one and only place to get myself calm down.
I went to the Hangang park, a beautiful place where cherry blossoms would bloom in the spring, a place where anyone could see beauty in everything even in the darkest of times. It already around 7pm and it was dark. The sky above was shining with stars, the moon illuminating the Han river below, making the water shine as if made of light.
I sat down on the bench under a cherry blossom tree, willing myself not to cry. Every word my dad had said eats at me. I silently cry letting myself drown in misery.
''Jia Mee?'' I heard a husky voice call my name. I turned to my right to see Taehyung. Did he follow me all the way here?
''Just go away ... please'' I said in a whisper.
Of course he didn't listen. He sat beside me and sighed heavily. ''Why are you crying?'' he asks.
I didn't answer and stayed silent.
''Why is Jia Mee cryingggggg?'' he sang. Taehyung is making me cry more. I covered my face I cried.
''Woah calm down girl'' Taehyung said with a concerned voice.
CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN? HE IS TELLING ME TO CALM DOWN?
''HOW CAN I?'' I screamed. Silence. Taehyung was looking at me with absolute shock.
''Tell me what happened, I'll listen'' he implied.
''Why should I do that?'' I said in a little voice.
''Because it will help''
I sighed.
-----------------------------
''I don't know how to start but ... I just hate that I live. I was a big menace for my parents because ...I was a very sick person. Since I was 10, I am always in the sick list. I was in hospital or either getting medicine at home. I get easily sick, I don't know why. My parents take me to doctors, and some doctors even took me as a income, not giving me any proper medicine so they can get enough money treating me.''
''But one doctor honestly treated me, and within 6 months of treatment, I was fully healthy. He ended my suffering of 5 years. I asked him how I can ever pay for all the hard work he did for me, then he told me to be a doctor and help people just like he did to me. Nothing else.''
''My parents also agreed, but they saw it as a different way. They took it as an advantage. My parents told me to study every time they see me, not even letting me go out. They banned everything a teenage would love to do. I only lived a life with books. When I thought I can finally live happily ... they trapped me in a dream''
''I wanted to get away from them, to stop being a burden to them, that's why I came to Seoul. My mom helped me in some ways, but my dad just wanted to ... I don't know what he wants from me. He will make a whole lesson in how I should live just because of a little mistake I do''
''I'm trying to make my life better, but I don't why I should work for something no one ever appreciates. My parents expect more ... isn't me being a med student enough? Aren't they proud enough?''
''Sometimes I think ...In those years when I was at my worst, I wish I should have died. Dying is better than living for nothing. I wish I was dead already''
Going all over about my past made me so sick of myself. The whole reason my parents want to get rid of me is because I was such a burden to them. Since young.
Taehyung still didn't say anything to me. It was all silence.
''Is this why you act so emotionless?'' he asked finally.
Emotionless? Yeah maybe I am ....
''Maybe, I don't know'' I answered, my voice shaking as I cried again.
Suddenly Taehyung hugged me, making me freak out admits the situation.
''Yah let me go –''
''You don't have to act so strong every time Jia Mee'' Taehyung said hugging me tighter. This time I let him. I didn't have the energy to resist him.
''You said you want to die right? Jia Mee ... everyone wants to die. Everyone wish they are dead too. But what's the use?'' he said letting go of the hug.
''Who would care even if we are dead? If you feel sick of everything, just imagine the beautiful things you could do in future. You can be happy someday.'' I heard him sigh.
''And you are nothing without the pain you suffered, that's what makes you the person you are , appreciate yourself''
''Existence wants you to be you, Jia Mee''
A/N:
Okay ... hope it's not ...too much!
Love u guys soo much!
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