CIGS & TATTS | KOOKV

Ch 18. Own dorm

Taehyung couldn't understand anything. Lately, he felt like he never could understand. Couldn't get it why he had been taken back to this dorm, the dorm sculpted with so much warmness, and the pleasant smell that reminded him so much of Jungkook

And why he had been offered to sleep on this bed, where the comfort of his weight still lingered by the end of it. In Jungkooks bed, while Jungkook decided to go out, never returned the whole night.

And he wished he went back to his own dorm. Because even if the risk of him waking up Jimin, which made Jungkook take him back to his dorm to sleep, the moment that made his cheeks grew red. Only to now flutter to utter guilt striking the end of his heart.

Because when he was sleeping in Jungkooks bed, the dark haired stayed out somewhere the whole past hours that the deafening quietness covered his beating heart.

And he couldn't understand why it was beating, for the thoughts and the ends of each hour he could still feel the hammering sound dreading the insides of his body and he wished, he staggered to not let it beat the way it did when the door to the dorm opened, and his gaze met Jungkooks

How was it possible for it to stop, for his own breath to feel so caught up without uttering a single treaded word from his lips. Because those same lips were on his last night

The last place he thought they would be.

"Did you sleep?"

His voice sounded the same. The harsh edge of his word still lingering in his ears as he only watched the way Jungkook stepped inside his own dorm.

And Taehyung tries, he tries to calm himself. Tries to function his way to act like he always does. Tries to nod, answer. Anything. But Taehyung forgets, forgets how when Jungkook's around he has no control over his emotions. He can't bare himself but only nod slightly, his nail pinching the end of his palm.

He wondered what he would say now, if he could. What would leave his tongue in such a moment. But he finds himself not knowing, would the Taehyung he knew back then also, not be able - to find his own words now

Even so he finds his cold hands caress over his notebook, the pen steadier in his hand.

Something.

Do you have your own dorm?

He writes what he had repeated for the 10th time while he stayed here alone, shoulders digging as he didn't risk looking up.

And he didn't see, how the dark haired gaze lingered on his words before they drifted to him. In the spare of moment before he once again opened his mouth.

"My roommate moved back to his parent's place."

The blonde dared to look up, sparing a glance up at the other and finds that the other boy refuses to look at him. His gaze fixated at his hands,shoved in his pockets.

And Taehyung finds himself not understanding again, doesn't get anything again. What was this,

Why, why, why was this happening

He forgets, everytime. Why does nothing change, can't he see, realize how much he wants to talk to him. Tell him so many things, so many things he had done without him.

How many things he did, for a whole year. How many things he saw, found, smiled at without him.

How alone he felt without him.

Why was it like nothing happened again, that day, one year ago. Was all over again. Because that time he forgot his best friend, and now he seemed to forget the way his heart was caught up in his throat when he felt his lips against his.

And it's so exhausting that Taehyung tries to forget Jungkook. He tried to forget his stupid voice that could make him forget himself. And it's so tiring that a naive part of himself thought that maybe, maybe he really could come back. Jungkook and him could go back again. Forget everything, every cut in the years, every smile, and laugh, and endless words they didn't share together.

Slowly grasp the cut he dug himself in that day and just forget, for a moment. To just go back, oh he so wanted to go back. He really, really wished to go back. Just for a while

To tell Jungkook, how much he would miss him, if he left him.

I need to go back to my dorm.

Thank you.

It's okay though, right? He's gotten so used to being alone that year. Now the empty silence of his too big thoughts has become his new friend. Because he knew, the many things he did without Jungkook would in the end only be doubled by how many things Jungkook did without him

And didn't wish Taehyung was there one second of it

So he got up to leave, Jungkook gaze returning to him as he went past him, hands covered with the paws of his sweater as he dug his notebook by his side, finding his shoes so damn useless now

"You should tell Jimin where you were last night"

Jungkook lowered out, but Taehyung couldn't focus on his words. Only the way Jungkook had crouched down beside his legs, his eyes digged at the tattoo traced on his fingers as he slowly had lifted Taehyungs feet slightly, putting on his bothering shoes.

Tying them for him

.