CIGS & TATTS | KOOKV

Ch 41. Lips

Taehyung held his phone between his fingers. His legs had just left the hospital for a check up he had thought about for a while. A thing he needed to do

Because he felt, he knew with Jungkook that day when he tried to talk, that there were still something in him willing to

He hadn't been to the doctor ever since the day he lost it. The reason being his parents didn't believe him, didn't believe he wasn't able to talk.

So for the first time he thought. As he went here, that maybe someone would believe him. And they did and he got the answers he may have searched for a long time.

That day he didn't lose his voice.

He just lost his words

Taehyung was diagnosed with selective mutism. Got to know that people with selective mutism are capable to talk, can talk when they feel the comfort to be able to. But, it also prevents him from beings physically unable to speak when the fear strikes in.

And that's when he isn't choosing not to speak. He just isn't able to. The expectation to talk triggers a freeze response with feelings of panic and he feels stuck. Like a chain had caught his tongue and it feels mentally, physically and emotionally draining.

He feels like the words are there and that he want to say them, but there's suddenly your body that physically fights you and prevents you from speaking.

He can't let out any noise because he can't even breathe properly. That day, he lost his words in fear of losing something in him.

And it feels lonely. Lonely because he can't express things. Not being able to express his feelings to the people he love the most. To Jungkook

But he realizes. Jungkook makes him feel like he doesn't need to talk

The dialing number filled the cold air, and a small smile warmed his lips when he reached through.

"Tae?"

Jungkook's voice through the phone felt like all the cold disappeared from his body, and he smiles at the thought that Jungkook hadn't ever removed his number

His ribs no longer ache and blossom with pain and for a brief moment, he feels like he can finally breathe. Against the other's voice against his ear.

And he smiles, and it stays quiet. Quiet against their breathes against the end of the dialing. And he opens his mouth slightly, just like he tried that day.

"K-kook"

The silence is there again. After the hanging of Taehyung's shaked words, shaked breath and shaked voice.

Jungkook feels himself deflate.

All he can do is freeze. Hand almost slipping from the phone up against his ear. Ringing voice lingered at the end of it and all he hears is Taehyung's voice repeated in his mind. And he opens his mouth and sees the words he couldn't get out between each grip on his phone

"Where are you? - Shit, stay where you are. I'm on my way"

If Jungkook could get a sample of how Taehyung feels when he can't find his words, he did now. Feeling them to shaked in his throat to leave, and he doesn't find anything that could describe his beating heart. His heaved breath and violent body when he leaves in his car

Taehyung messages him his location and his speeding was only implifying that someone may have died. To desperate to tell it was out of happiness

Jungkook had many times wondered if Taehyung voice still makes his chest ashe. Trembles every time he calls his name. Wonders if Taehyung would still sound so beautiful, sound like all his words were drowning into the oceans.