Moments - Larry Stylinson

Chapter 8 - Harry POV

Today's chapter! Enjoy... Please vote and comment - I'd love to know you're opinions and suggestions <3

Ed went to pack his guitar and Louis turned to me as though he was about to say something but shook his head and turned away and deep down I was worried - My secrets were impacting our relationship negatively. I had to tell him everything eventually. So I promised myself that no matter what would happen I'd tell him everything by the end of the week. When Ed didn't come a couple of minutes later, a thought flashed to my mind. I raced up the stairs ignoring Louis' puzzled looks. I looked around and when I didn't see Ed I was sure my guess was right. I knocked on the door gently. Ed responded, "Coming give me a sec." A moment later there was the sound of a tap and Ed emerged. I immediately realized that I didn't hear the toilet flush and Ed's sleeves were wet up to his elbows. I took a breath, "Ed show me your wrists." Ed's eyes widened with tears and I felt my heart break. I gently rolled up Ed's sleeves and winced when I saw his wrists bandaged with lines of red peeking through. I had to resist the urge to cry and scream and punch a wall. Today had been so emotionally draining but I still had to take care of my best friend. I looked into Ed's eyes and he sighed, "I couldn't help it. The memories of the past just hit me like a wave. Especially after you added the Hermione Granger part. And then watching you play again reminded me of the way you'd sit and keep playing because Jessica loved it. I'd also sit with you guys claiming to listen to the music but instead I'd watch Jessica's expressions as she watched your hand movement eager to learn herself. Shit, I miss her like hell. I still am not over her, I still love her, always will."

I didn't know what to say so I stuck to hugging Ed. In that moment Louis came in probably wondering where we disappeared. I quickly wiped my tears and Ed did the same as Louis looked between us suspiciously.  After a bit more of chit-chat between the three of us, I was too tired and decided it was a good time to leave for home. Louis didn't argue and I hugged Ed goodbye while Louis furrowed his eyebrows slightly with an emotion I couldn't understand. What was it? Jealousy? But that didn't make sense. I was probably seeing things. I rubbed my eyes, an urge to cry making my entire body a bit weak. Louis and I walked to the train station no words exchanged between us. I didn't mind considering my current mental state. We boarded the underground and soon we were back home. Throughout the journey we barely spoke to each other, Louis blasted music in his earphones while I controlled myself from crying. As soon as we entered the house, Louis flopped onto the couch and I curled into a ball beside him, desperately feeling the need to be held and comforted, "Cuddle?" I asked shifting into Louis' side. However, to my shock, Louis got up and said, "Not now Harry, I'm tired. I'm going to bed."

The moment Louis left the room I began sobbing. Louis refusing to cuddle me and him calling me by my name rather than a pet name was the breaking point. I needed to talk to someone to let go of my thoughts. I didn't want to bother Ed so I got out my phone and speed-dialed 1. Like every time, the phone rang and no one picked and like every time it broke my heart. Then I heard the voice message. "Leave me a voice message. I'll respond later if I'm in the mood. Potter, Weasel if either if you are calling come to the tree house. You know I'm probably there playing the guitar and not bothered to pick your call up." I smiled slightly at the familiar voice. The voice that had comforted me so many times, the voice of the person who knew me better than I knew myself, the voice of my best friend. I spoke pouring my heart out. Like always, just hearing her voice, helped me open up and I spoke my thoughts not pausing. Even before we lost her, I was always this open with her. "Hey Jessica, It sounds odd saying your name. In the voice mails I usually call you Granger. It's been ages since I said your name. It's odd you know. There was a time your name would always be at the tip of my tongue. You were always my go to person and even after you left you were. Then I found Lou. Of course I have told you all about him. He became my go to person but today after ages I didn't have anyone to talk to." I paused taking a deep breath.

"I fucking don't know what to do anymore." I swore - a habit that I had stopped after Jessica left. I continued, "Why did you leave Jessica. Everything is ruined now. Ed-Ed's depressed. You never listened to me and I hate you for that. I told you that Ed loved you but you left. He's started cutting because you left. I'm the one who is constantly caring for him and checking on him. I don't mind he's my best friend. But we both wish it was you who was caring for him. He still loves you. And currently my own life's a mess. I didn't got to Louis because he's the reason my life's messed up. I don't go to Ed because he's burdened himself. Gemma left so long ago. My new friends are Niall and Zayn. Niall thinks I'm cheating on Louis and I find it hard to speak to Zayn. Besides, Zayn and Louis are best friends Zayn wouldn't understand. But if I tell you honestly, Jessica, I'm the reason everything is a mess. I promised Louis I'd tell him everything and I definitely will tell him everything by the end of this week but I'm scared. I trust Louis with my life and I'm not afraid of telling him about you. I'm afraid of reliving the past, I doubt I'd be able to do that. At the moment, Lou's also in a sour mood, he seems upset with me probably because I'm hiding so much. I feel like having those nasty fits I had back when I was 15. Then you would come and calm me down and cheer me up or Gemma would be there to make the problems in life vanish. But you both left me alone. I still have Gemma's number. I'd die to call her again but she left because she was angry with me, I don't want to bother her. Jessica just help me please. Goodness, what I would do to have you here with me in this very moment."

I finished the voicemail and rolled onto my back on the couch. I struggled to relax and finally gave up. It wasn't too late so I decided to go out for a short run to clear my head. I left a sticky note at Louis' bedside table as he was already fast asleep. I pulled on a jersey and grabbed my phone disappearing into the darkness of the night. When I reached back home, Lou was still asleep the note untouched and so I lay down beside him shutting my eyes and I prayed that I'd fall asleep.