Read at own risk. Very dark. Self harm mentions and suicide attempts.
Samatha Puckett never believed in love. She believed it was fake. Ask her that now she will answer the same as she always did.
Love love love what is good for absolutely nothing.
It was her saying. Shes said it since she was 10. Her mum and dad were the reason she didn't believe in love. They'd fight every night. Beer bottles were flying. Sometimes towards her. She'd dodge. Other times she weren't so lucky.
She remembers the night her dad left. He didn't say bye. He told mum he was going to the store. Pam had a gut instinct he weren't coming back. Did she mention it. No. Till this day Pam lives the fantasy that he'd come back. He was her first love. She never loved anyone else the same. Sam thought her mum was mental. First loves. True loves. Only loves. All fake. Broken hearts they were only temporary you'd get over it.
Boy was she wrong.
Sam met Freddie benson when she was in 6th grade. Shes tormented him every day they have know each other. She never told anyone the reason. The main reason was his mum. She was jealous. His mum cared. Too much. Oh she wishes her mum could just care a bit. Just show one little bit of care towards her. She never got it. Freddie's mum may have been a lunatic but she cared deeply for Freddie. She made sure he was never ill and if he was she'd look after him well. Sam's mum said your a Puckett it's a bug get over it. Sam envied Freddie. But that was a secret. Known to no one but herself.
As she got older she matured she wish she didn't she grew up so fast and now looking back at it she would love to be a child again. She had to grow up fast. Her mum didn't care. Her mum never looked after her. Her dad left. Her twin sister left. She was on her own and had been since she was 8. But she'd met Carly. And it was all okay.
Freddie loved Carly. Carly saw Freddie as a brother. Sam still didn't believe in love. Until one day she felt something she had never felt before. Feelings towards the nub. The geek. Queen of dorks. Of all people why him. She hated admitting she had these sort of feelings. But then again it made her human. She wanted a happy ever after but that weren't for Puckett's. Puckett's end up in jail or dead. Now Melanie was exception she'd got the good genes. Oh how Sam envied her too. She envied Carly as well anyone who was perfect had a family. She was jealous but did she admit it no. She bottled up her feelings and locked them in a cage and the very pits of her heart.
So when Sam found herself in the situation of Freddie giving her a talk on feelings and boys she threw herself at him and kissed him. He didn't kiss back. She thought she screwed it. As she pulled away.
'Sorry'
'It's cool'
How could she be so stupid. She ran. She's best at that. She ran right home ignoring the yells from Freddie and Carly. Who knew how Carly got there. She was stupid to even have these feelings towards Freddie. He belonged to Carly no matter how many times she rejected him.
She sat at home thoughts wrecking her brain and she did the rational thing and admitted herself into a mental hospital. Whilst in there she had lots of time to think.
She hated everything about herself. The way she looked. She thought she was fat. But she didn't stop eating. She couldn't. She found herself making herself throw up every night. How it had got to that so fast who knows. She wished she was more like Carly.
So when Carly and Freddie had shown up at the mental hospital she felt trapped. She came here to hide. She failed. Like always. Next thing she knows there shooting ICarly in the mental hospital.
