The Outlier

THIRTEEN

As time went on, the feeling didn't fade, and it was starting to affect the rest of my life as well. I tried desperately to retain as much information as I could at school but the sleep I was getting— or lack thereof— wasn't helping me focus. 

Many of the lessons were spent trying to get away with napping, reading the textbook once I got home to make up for the lack of productivity at school and doing my homework to the best of my ability. Eating was becoming more of a tedious daily task, and even then, I couldn't keep my food down. Every time I ate, it would come back up. I was hanging on by a few threads and I hated not being in control. 

I tried my best to avoid Edward Cullen's glares every day, having no interest in involving myself with him or his family. I've already had enough interactions with family and none of those situations were particularly pleasant. Occasionally I'd slip up and glance back at his scalding gaze, immediately regretting ever looking back. No matter how many times I tried to catch myself, my eyes were like magnets and I couldn't stop myself from looking back at him. And he would always, always, feel it whenever I'd stare. 

As I dropped my bag next to my chair where I sat for lunch and got up to buy my lunch, I realised the past murderous silence of Jessica and Mike's rejection was long gone and they no longer treated each other as pariahs. I was happy for both of them, I really was, but the lack of sleep and the stress all around me certainly wasn't helping me show my zeal. Mike was buzzing along excitedly for the hundredth time this week about the details of the beach trip to La Push. Out of habit, I looked back at the Cullen-Hale table. 

One, two, three, four. 

Four— that's how many I counted. Five turned into four and he was the one missing. Had he decided to skip for the rest of the day? His absence worried me but I couldn't place my finger on why. He was a wanker, why did I care what he did? 

Bella and Jessica joined me at the lunch line, Jessica seemed to be talking animatedly with Bella merely nodding along and agreeing when necessary. After I first felt the chilling sensation at home, I couldn't bring myself to eat. The smell and taste of food didn't mix well with the nerves. Anything I ingested would, eventually, resurface. All I drank was cold cans of Diet Coke.

"Edward Cullen is staring again," Jessica snickered. 

"He's sitting alone today," Jessica observed. 

Both Bella and I joined the conversation at Jessica's announcement and to my surprise, she was right. It was baffling how observant Jessica can be when it concerned gossip and silly speculation. There sat Edward with a tray of food in front of him smiling crookedly right where we stood. I couldn't tell who the smile was meant for, Jessica, Bella or myself. I prayed, for the sake of my sanity, that it was Bella or Jessica. I don't think my poor mind can handle one more interaction with this enigma of a man, especially when running low on sleep and high on anxiety. 

Bella instantly flushed and stomped away to where we usually sat. Sitting down rigidly, looking like she was forcing herself not to look back at Edward, and if I looked just close enough, I thought I might see steam radiating off of her ghostly white skin. 

It was just Jessica and me standing and having a staring contest with Edward before gesturing with his index finger for me to join him. The motion felt slightly demeaning, blame it on cultural differences. But I stood there, dumbfounded. 

He then winked, the action making me flinch slightly. Yikes, this man gets no women. The sheer second-hand embarrassment was unreal.

"Does he mean you?" Jessica asked. I'd be more offended by her surprise if I wasn't just as astonished as she was.