The Outlier

FIFTEEN

"I'm hanging in there, don't you see?"

__

The book was real.

Driving home, thoughts swirled around my head. In place of questions, they were statements. Jacob's story answered so much but at the same time, I wished it hadn't. I wished it was some story of stupid familial feuds, or the Cullens breaking tribal law or literally anything outside of the world of Twilight. 

But it was real. Everything in that book was real. The Cullens were vampires and Edward was one too. He wasn't just one touch-deprived teenager. He wasn't even a teenager at all— I didn't even know how old he was. 

Pulling up in front of my house, I didn't bother walking in, I didn't want to feel that feeling. I walked straight into the woods behind my home, I didn't look back or hesitate. I just walked. At first, I tried to keep track of the trees where I walked but then the trees all started looking the same. 

The trees began moving, closing in on me. My ribcage began shrinking, constricting my heart and lungs. My heart didn't have the rapid beating it did whenever I thought of the Cullens and their family.

Thump... thump... thump... thump...

I heard it drum slowly against my ears as my eyes stung. My ribcage was collapsing in on me as my lungs desperately tried to keep whatever oxygen they could take in. Drops of moisture began dripping on my cheek, mixing with my tears. I didn't know if it was raining or water left over from the days before. 

I sank to my knees, hugging my legs close to my chest— a silly way to protect myself from the thoughts swimming in my head. I sniffled as I tried to think of an appropriate course of action. 

What was I to do now? 

I knew the Cullens were vampires. I knew they were pescatarians or whatever the hell they chose to call themselves. And I knew all of them were well over the age of sixty. So what now? 

I didn't have many options. How was I supposed to avoid a boy who attends school with me? Much less a boy who could follow me wherever he pleased with me knowing none the better. Edward had no concept of human boundaries, if he put his mind to anything— he wouldn't stop, regardless of how disconcerting the action itself is. 

At that moment, I felt a surge of protectiveness over Bella. Would she confide in me if she were to ever find out about the Cullens? Or would she keep the secret to herself, deluding herself into thinking that Edward was good for her— having no one to seek counsel in but herself?

I didn't hate the Cullens, that was too strong of a word to describe what I felt. I just didn't want anything to do with Edward Cullen or his family. And I certainly didn't want my friend to have affiliations with a family so dangerous. Their family and the rest of Us were different. 

They were vampires and We were humans. The wall separating us should never be broken. 

☉☾

The skies remained somewhat clear, even on the school day. My parka remained dry as I stepped out of the car. That day, I finally got a chance to wear lighter clothes— a nice change of rhythm. At school, I was one of the earliest people there, only being beaten by the teachers. 

I sat on the hardly used picnic seats outside, laying my parka on the damp chair as I busied myself proofreading my essay before I heard a boyish voice call out.