The Outlier

FORTY

"There's things I wanna say to you,
But I'll just let you live. 
If you hold me without hurting me, 
you'll be the first who ever did."

_

Early in the morning— way earlier than I would've willingly woken up, I pranced down my stairs and decided to brew myself a cuppa. The sight of my bloodshot eyes on the back of my spoon was humbling enough to let me know that I shouldn't leave the house at all. Not that the post-crying headache made it possible for me to go out. 

I wasn't particularly ecstatic about attending the group plans Lauren had made for today to celebrate our last week as juniors before prom. 

Correction: the group plans that Lauren had deliberately left me out of. 

Lauren had made plans to go to the cinema and get dinner afterwards, inviting everyone at the table individually but me. Naturally, I pretended not to notice. 

Mike, bless his heart, made sure to ask me if I was coming in front of the whole lunch table. He successfully managed to put Lauren in a position where she couldn't say she didn't want me there without looking like the asshole. Feeling like I was not welcome, I said I'd think about it. 

I was glad for my post-crying headache and unpresentable appearance. At least my guilt wouldn't eat away at my conscience for telling a half-truth to Mike's overly hopeful self. 

I stirred the sugar into my tea, regretting not letting the kettle boil to make dissolving my sugar easier. I was snapped out of my auto-pilot routine when the loud ring snapped me out of my daze. 

I walked over to the door, unlocking it before cracking it open— albeit not without a small eye-roll. 

The moment I saw the man standing behind the door, I forgot every shred of pride or dignity I once had. I forgot the hot tears that ran down my face because of his text. I forgot the days of sheer panic I felt when I'd look over at his table and see it empty. I forgot completely about the pure worry that my unanswered voicemails sent. 

When I saw Edward, without thinking, I threw my arms around his neck and breathed in his distinct peppery scent. I missed him so much that I could hardly recall what I thought of yesterday or any of the days before. I just never wanted to let go of him. 

I was rudely pulled out of my euphoria by the knowledge that Edward was standing as stiff as a board, hardly reciprocating my hug, much less my thorough happiness. Sheepishly, I pulled away. 

 "Good morning, Kai," Edward, rather stiffly, greeted. 

"'Morning." 

"Would you like to take a walk with me?" Edward asked

Deciding I looked decent enough to go on a walk with Edward in my frayed joggers and long-sleeve, I nodded and closed the door, taking the key out of its keyhole on my way out. 

As we stepped into the woods lined behind my house, Edward was relatively silent. I could hardly figure out why he was gone for so long, much less why he was acting so strangely. 

I couldn't help but think of our first day in the meadow. He had been so eager to offer his hand to me, to help me across the field, to make sure I was safe. What went wrong? 

Edward came to a halt, stopping nearly three feet away from me, further away than I would've liked. We were on the trail, but I still couldn't see my house from where we stood. 

"We need to talk, Kai." 

"Yeah, we should." 

I seemed to have regained my anger from yesterday as we glared into each other's eyes. I remembered everything that he put me through in the past four days. I glowered at his cold, indifferent stance.