And Then The Murders Began

Chapter Nineteen: A Fool in Pain

"Oh shit that looks pretty deep..."

"Yeah that's gonna leave a scar..."

"You don't need to say it right in front of the poor girl Mark I see her eyes moving, holy shit she's resilient... good for her though, holy shit..."

"Looks like someone clawed her, shit..."

"Well yeah of fucking course it looks like that, she fell through a fucking pane of glass that was old as hell of freaking course it was gonna shatter like that, it's not freaking safety glass so what did you expect? I told you that that window needed to be replaced... and you didn't listen. Too expensive, you said, we don't use this space that much, you said... now look... thank the lords she's still alive, any farther forward and she would've had her neck snapped... and then what, two dead bodies on our paws, what then? I mean, I don't think you really want to have that mess to deal with do you? Hmm no I don't think so... come on, you've got a needle and alcohol and thread, right? Let's get this sewn up so that it doesn't scar...."

"There's no chance that this doesn't scar, dear... at least she didn't lose her eye, fucking hell that would be freaking devastating..."

"I can hear you you know," I manage to get out, brain and mind finally managing to coagulate back into one cohesive thing in my head okay I'm back I'm here I'm conscious I'm working on it what happened to my face oh holy freaking hell it's on fire the pain did Lylah claw me she did wait no Lylah's dead then wait what was I seeing oh holy shit I must've just been hallucinating or something but that seemed so freaking real she was fucking biting my throat what the hell there's no way that that wasn't real but the pain the pain the pain I'm in so. much. pain. right. now... oh hell this sucks...

Am I really still alive or is all of this one incredibly freaking complex hallucination?

I mean it feels like the first but then again the second just happened too and I don't know what's real and what's, well, not real at this point...

Whether that's a good thing or not I'm not sure, I'm really not... I mean, don't get me wrong, reality really really really freaking sucks tail most days, basically every day really, but at the same time I can't say that I want to be freaking disassociating most of the time, yeah no that's not the point that I'm trying to make here...

"Oh shit, you're awake Electra?" Robin asks and I try to nod, but the pain, well the pain is a little much right now and it's got my head spinning... you spin my head round Robin, right round like a bobbin baby right round right round...

"Uh.... ow.... I, um, think so?" I stammer, trying to fight the pain, the pain oh my god, oh my god OH MY GOD the pain and red hot burning burning burning everywhere... I'm not passing out again, no.... No not now not passing out again I'm really freaking sick of this... so freaking predictable, a woman gets into a tough situation and she goes passing out, fuck no I'm not some romcom cliche, I'm one genuine bona-fido (ha ha yeah I made a dumb pun) wolf, I can freaking handle this... after my head stops hurting, of course...

"You look like shit, hun," Robin says, and I think Mark is nodding too, I can't see him all that well from where I'm lying on the floor... "No offense, of course," she nods, smiling at me, and I don't know if that's a look of sadness that I'm seeing on her face or a grimace of pain or what it is exactly... and at this point I don't have enough mental stamina or resiliency to do think that hard, not with my head hurting so damn badly like this... ow, ooh, ow, ooh, ow, ooh with every freaking beat of my heart...

"Ugh, none taken Robin," I manage to get out, heart thumping against my breastbone...

so yeah, that's how my day has ended up, with me on the verge of a fucking panic attack... I love my brain so much, and I totally don't wish that I could completely rewrite the wiring of my brain... but then would I be me? I don't freaking know... I don't freaking know I don't freaking know but I want to know so bad...