Cessation

YOU

I haven't updated since February. I hope my loyal readers are still out there... :(
Something small to read for now. Go back, get familiar and know that this train is gonna keep going. Shit happened but I'm back, baby. 👿

CHERYL's POINT OF VIEW

In my bed back at home, I laid there in silence.

Swallowing trauma.
I laid there asking myself— will I really be able to make it through all of this pain?

A few tears fell from my eyes as I turned my head towards the side to stare out the window. Sunlight seeped into my room. Like always but today, it did so in a slow, wearily fashion. Everything seemed to go so slowly. Even my heartbeat. As if it were wanting so badly to stop in order to get past the pain.
The house was silent. Majority.
Both Dana and Ciyle were with Tony.
Caiya, at school.

I left Inaya's last night and made it to my own home. She and I got into an argument because of how she allowed Shemar to get into my space.

Me leaving was best. I know she wants to see us together again but how after what he has done?
I've forgiven him for so much stuff but this?
He broke his promise.
I don't know how I can forgive him.
Maybe I'm wallowing or whatever but also, my heart is hurting.

The one man I was trying to build something with has betrayed me but then again, I did so to him by my selfish cravings of sometimes wanting Tony but it's hard when your heart is split in half sometimes.

But we all know that Shemar has majority of my heart. Sadly, he still does but he's not ready for me and maybe....I too am not ready for him either. Who knows?

But what I do know is that I wish it wasn't this way.

It hurts.

Yet, as I lay here, I continue to think about all the memories I've had with him. The signs that came up that I never paid attention to but that's what happens. Love blinds you. Sadly.

——————————-
Flashback;
Cheryl and Shemar (teens)
Cheryl's POV

"Okay! You have to breathe, Shemar! Calm down!" I told him as he restlessly climbed into my bed at almost two a.m. He was crying so heavily and his body shook as if he had seen a ghost. Yet, it was instead the anger vibrating off of him. I knew it was his father who had yet again brought him to this point. It always had been.

Hence why I made sure my window was unlocked after midnight hit every single night because I knew there was a possibility that Shemar would need me. He knew he could always come to me because him being my best friend? The window is always open. My arms are always open and there's no other way I would want it to be. Sometimes he always preferred being here than home. His father and mother always fought so viciously and he didn't know how to handle it. Some nights ended with him interfering and others, him trying to wake his mom up out of her falling out moments.

As we both laid there, I felt the pain vibrating through his body. He was so sad. So hurt. He had is arms wrapped around me tightly and his head laid on my chest. Though I could hear him crying crying, I could also feel the tears marking my shirt and seeping through to touch my skin.

I wanted to ask what happened but I wanted him to get the tears out of the way first.

"I'm here for you..." I reminded him as I too started to cry. People don't understand; when your best friend is hurt, you're hurt too. Or at least that's how it should be....