Cessation

Missing You...

Happy 20th Chapter, Yo! I've been dragging my feet when it came to this chapter but it's aight! It's here. Sooooo, read. Hope it's not confusing with all the flipping around through each person.

CHERYL's POINT OF VIEW

We hadn't even started yet and I felt....a difference.
This wasn't what I remembered whenever a connection had a route of visiting us.

Yeah, we apologized but why do I feel like it's not enough for him? If anything, just like he can read me- I can read him. The fact that I'm feeling unsure feelings from him is what's causing me to be unsure about continuing this knowing that theres a possibility of not stability for us.

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to say something.

In the bedroom, he had my back pinned against the wall and all that occurred so far were an exchange of kisses and the participation of unclothing each other.

His bare body against my own.

That doesn't hide the fact of what I sensed.

I instantly broke the kiss and looked into his eyes. I slightly squinted my eyes as I looked into his and it was like, apart of me wanted to break down.

"What's wrong?" He asked me.

"You don't believe me...do you?" I asked him as my lips parted as a silence crept between us.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"You don't believe me fully. That I won't take the pill anymore," I told him as my voice started to fade away at the end of my sentences. Only because I knew I was correct.

He turned his head and licked his lips. Next, I watched as he pulled one of his hands up and rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm trying to, baby. I'm trying to tell myself to just let it go and believe you. It's not that I don't trust you fully but...I don't know what you want. I don't wanna get my hopes up with you over this baby stuff, that's all," He pointed out as his eyes found their way back to mines. The warmth in his brown eyes caused me to flutter my own.

I then dropped my head. "So, I messed it up?" I asked him. Well, I asked but then I hoped that he wouldn't answer.

But he did anyways.

"Cheryl...that's not the case. You didn't mess up. Look at me," he said as he grabbed me by my chin and pulled my head up. As our eyes connected, I started to feel worse than I had before.

I should've just told him the truth. Maybe I wouldn't have to suffer for Trey's wrongs when it comes to Shemar. Maybe we wouldn't be in such a bad place with each other but instead, one that was filled with healing.

Maybe that's what I needed. Healing...

"I love you," he told me wholeheartedly. "Don't you know that? One thing that I'll always do is forgive you but I expect for you to love me enough to be real with me. We aren't perfect and that's something I'll tell you for forever. We've made past mistakes and that pill? Is in the past. I'm telling you this and myself all at the same time," he said to me. "I'm not the best man in the world and you don't understand how every day I try to be exactly that for you. To be honest, I don't deserve you..." he said as he smiled for a second. Then, it faded. "I want everything with you, Cheryl. Then again, I love you enough to give up what I want in order to make you the most happiest woman in the world. If a baby isn't what you want? So be it. As long as I have you? I'll be the most happiest man alive and that? Is a promise on top of the other promises from the bottom of my heart," He finished with.