My Own Solace (Devicillo Series #1)

Kabanata 27

I tried to... totally sinusubukan ko pero it ended na mas comfortable ako pag kasama siya. Nasanay nga ako!

The years that we spent being a close best friend, lover, then...stranger. I massaged the bridge of my nose. Got run out of thinking.

I tried to think...kung anong rason niya but he only giving me an silent answer.

Natanto ko na lang na huminto siya sa isang malapad na bakuran. There's an rest house, actually it's a mini. Kasya ang tatlong tao kung tutuusin...

He's the one first out of the car. Then marching  at my direction. Inalalayan pa akong lumabas at imbes na magpasalamat ako ay sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

Jerk!

Papalubog na rin ang araw  kung saan nag-aagaw ang dilim at liwanag kung titignan. Kung sa ibang pagkakataon 'to mamamangha ako sa ganda ng tanawin. Lalo na ang kalangitan. Matatamasa ko pa ba na kasama siya? O lilimotin na rin namin after this day end?

Bakit pa kasi pinapaalala at bakit pa kami pumunta rito!

Umirap ako at pinagkrus ang mga braso. He took an checkered blanket on his compartment at inalatag sa sahig. He bent his left knee to making the way laid properly.

He looked at me before I saw a glimpse of smile forming on his lips. He tapped many times the space beside him when he sit down.

I sighed heavily and obey him. I make sure that we are not so close to each other, when I seat.

I licked my lip when some memories from the past I remember. Ito rin, ganito rin, at mas malala pa. Inuulit lang namin ang dapat hindi na maulit. How can you say that you love someone if in yourself wanted you to disappear.

I cleared my throat. "Why are you doing this?"

He titled his head and nothing has changed. His jawline clenched and I saw him smirked. "What do you mean 'this'?"

Nagmamaangan na hindi alam.

I shrugged my shoulder and tried to leaned back sa pamamagitan ng pagtukod ng aking mga kamay sa aking likuran.

"You're not some insane to not think why should I wanted to meet up with you—"

"Tama nga ka nga. Naisip ko nga 'yan kung bakit kailangan pa magkita kung pwede lang naman e-text o 'di kaya'y e-tawag"

He had a point. Perhaps, I didn't think it. Wala sa isip ko na through gadgets na lang. I just wanted to thank him personally at sincerely.

"Spill the tea"

Maniniwala kaya siya if sasabihin kong gusto kong sincere talaga at personal ang pagkasabi ko? O babalewalaen niya rin? If his thinking the same as mine, t'yak na pinapahiya ko lang ang sarili ko.

"I-i just wanted to say it sincerely na salamat dahil tinulungan mo si Papa I mean ang pamilya ko..." I tried to bit my inner check to hold the awkwardness...

"Baka gusto mo ako—"he added and teasingly at my direction.

"Gusto kita sapakin, Oo!" Irita ko.

I don't want him to know that I'm still healing from the past. Siya ang unang minahal ko. At mas umagrabyado sa puso ko.

"I still like it when your moody when you're with me, kasi kung ako ang tatanungin. Na miss kita. Na miss ko ang tayo...Fuck! Sa totoo lang hindi ako umiiyak" my lips parted. Wala akong masabi. I looked away when I saw tears trickled on his cheeks. Those cheeks that I can caressed when we are.

"Ano—" I tried to find some words that I can   say and I think there's a gulp on my throat that I can't swallow.

"Talking to me nicely. Making sure that I will feel better?" He shook his head and chuckled.