How can I forget? | BILLIE EILISH

𝒮𝒾𝓍.

Jess's Pov-

!Mention of relapse!

"We're gonna need you to work the night shift, Jess," My boss announced, causing me to roll my eyes. 

"But I can't! I have to pick up Adelaide and the babysitter is booked for tonight, I don't have anyone else, Jim!" I complained. 

"That's not my problem, Jess. I would figure it out soon, no one else can work tonight,"

Jesus christ I hated him. 

"Fuck your night shift, Jim! I'm parenting a small child, I can't drop her for the night shift!" I shouted, following him as he walked away.

"Excuse me?" He snapped his head back and stared me down. "This is your job on the line, hun, I could fire you, but we wouldn't want that now would we?" 

I huffed and quickly walked to my register. 

Honestly, if it wasn't for Addy, I wouldn't be working this shit job. 

I dialed the babysitter's number to see if she could make any exceptions.

Amanda: Hello?

Me: Amanda? Hi, when is your next free slot? I'm in a work rut right now, so I can't come home tonight.

Amanda: Sorry, Jess, I can't make it tonight. I have Carter's kids later tonight and I'm on the way to the James's.

Me: Fuck. Okay, good luck, goodbye.

-Line Cuts-

I clicked off my phone and let out a frustrated groan. In times like this, I wish my mom was still around. Well, that, or that Lainey wasn't on drugs 24/7. 

"You doing okay, babe?" I heard a feminine voice say from behind me. I jerked my head back, my body turning too, to see one of the newer friends I made when I moved back, Tabitha, better known as Tab, or Tabby.

"Jesus, Tab, you scared me," I stated, "And yeah, just work shit." 

"Night-shift?" She asked.

"Yeah, but it's not just that. I don't have anyone to watch Addy after school and I have no fucking clue what to do now,"

"I would help babe, but I have dinner with my mom and Imani," She said.

"Oooh, you two still together?" I pried. Tabitha blushed and nodded her head.

"Mhm, four years now. I love her so much dude, it drives me crazy!" She spoke. I loved Imani and Tabby, they were the cutest couple to walk this earth.

"Awww, you guys are so cute," I said, now turning off my lane light and walking to the back. Tabitha followed shortly behind me.

"So you and Ms. B? How's that been?" Tabitha asked. I smiled at the thought of Billie. 

"Hot,"  I sighed contently. Tabitha laughed and sat down at the table that was there for lunch breaks. "If we're being honest though, I'm like...terrified to feel anything for her," I admitted, grabbing water from the fridge and sitting next to Tabby.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't wanna end up hurt like last time. I'm scared that I'm gonna get all attached to her, and she's gonna fuck me up again. I can't take that, Tab." I explained.

"Girl, don't worry yourself over that. It's been years since you've seen each other, leaving time for you two to grow. Just try it out, okay?" She said, patting me on my shoulder. "Shit, I gotta go," She stated.

"Love you, Tab, have fun with Imani and tell her I said hi!" 

"Will do baby, love you!"

Maybe Tabitha was right, maybe I did need to try again with Billie. God knows I wanted to. But I was so hurt when we ended things for good, but I was also set in my ways. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't go back with her. She hurt me. 

I fucking relapsed because of her, which is one thing I thought I was clear of.

Being with her made me feel okay though. When we were with one another, all of the stress and the pain, and the worry, went away. With one soft touch of her hands or her lips, they all dissolved. 

I quickly snapped back into reality when I remembered the issue I was facing with Addy and work. 

I pulled my phone back out and flipped through my contacts, trying to find someone that could watch her for the night. I could take my break later and pick her up, but I needed someone to keep her safe.

Billie.

Adelaide loved her, and I trusted her (With Addy, I knew she wouldn't do any harm to her), I just hoped she wasn't busy. 

Calling: Bil<3

Billie: Yo!

Me: Hey, are you gonna be busy tonight? 

Billie: I'm never too busy for you, babe

I could hear Billie smirk over the phone, causing me to sigh out of annoyance.

Me: Billie, I'm not in the mood for joke shit right now, I'm flattered, honestly, I am, but are you gonna be busy tonight or not?

Billie: No, what's wrong, Jess? Are you okay?

Me: I have to work for the night tonight, and I can't find anyone to keep Addy. I can pick her up for school and pack her stuff and bring her over, I just need you to watch her if you can.

Billie: Of course I can Jess, You don't have to bring her over if you don't want to, love, I can come over there, that way we know she has everything she'll need. 

Me: Thank you, Billie. I should be there in an hour or two, so you can come over sometime around there.

Billie agreed to meet me at my place and watch Adelaide while I worked, which made any hope I had to not fall for her, fly out the window.

"Jess?! What the hell are you doing in here? It's not time for your break? Are you trying to get fired?" Jim shouted.

"Sorry, I was trying to make sure that the child that I am a legal guardian to, has a safe place to stay for the night, seeing as you unexpectedly made me work overnight." 

"You should've known! You work here, therefore you work whatever I say you work, whenever I say it!" He demanded. I rolled my eyes at his ignorance and made my way back out to the main store. 

I worked at Target, which wasn't super busy at night anyways, and we closed at 10. I just had to stay there and stock the shelves/ unload the packages. During the day, I worked the register and loaded the shopping carts back into the store. 

It sounds easy, but I deserved more money than I got. I worked my ass off, anyone can tell you that, except Jim. Ask him if I'm a hard worker, he'll tell you I'm a lazy bitch who complains too much.

I hated working there.

* * * * 

"Thank you again, Bil. I don't know what I'd do without you," I said graciously, kissing Billie's cheek. Billie grinned and gazed down at Adelaide.

"You know I don't mind helping you out, J, I'm always here for you," She responded. I smiled at her words and lightly side hugged her.

"Okay, I'm out. I should be back at around...six I think. If anything changes I'll text you," 

Billie and Addy waved at me as I headed out the door. 

Off to the shit hole, I call a Job.