How can I forget? | BILLIE EILISH

𝒯𝓌𝑒𝓁𝑒𝓋𝑒.

Jess's Pov.

!mentions relapse later on!

Wake up, work, Adelaide, sleep. 
Wake up, work, Adelaide, sleep.
Wake up, work, Adelaide, sleep.

That's how the last two weeks have gone, and I think I'm going insane. The same old repetitive shit that everyone goes through at some point. My life was stuck in a constant loop of doing my job, then coming home to take care of a child, and maybe getting lucky enough to sleep for more than three hours. 

I had been living off of coffee and the small bit of deteriorating will to live, that I had left. My life hadn't been sunshine and rainbows, I'll tell you that now. 

Billie's album release party/gathering thing was tomorrow and I probably wasn't going to go. I don't know, she probably didn't want me to go, but I was proud of her so I wanted to. 

"Addy, baby, please stop," I begged as Adelaide sobbed. 

"NOOO!" She screamed. 

"Adelaide! Please, just put your shoes on!" I asserted. Addy began to jump and shout, throwing a temper tantrum in the middle of the floor. "Jesus Christ!" I yelled, placing her shoes back in their place and walking out of her room.

Adelaide had been acting up since Billie left it seemed like. Maybe she was upset with me because whenever she would ask to see Billie, I would tell her no. 

Billie would be 'busy' or I had to work and clean the house. 

Not having Billie as my middle ground, really messed a lot of things up. I had been so easily angered and aggravated by the smallest things. Adelaide is the main one.

She would scream and hit me and stomp and cry. 

In return, I would cry and give up, because she'd never been so unreasonable. Not to mention I had to book the babysitter, and first of all, Addy would be a fucking angel to Amanda, but when I got home her attitude would flip like a switch. Anyways, I had to book Amanda almost every night because of over-time and night-shift.

Dealing with my personal issue, Adelaide always being a jerk, and having restless nights, made it hard not to relapse. 

I didn't relapse because I didn't want Billie to be disappointed in me. 

"Adelaide Evens, you need to put on your shoes and let me put your hair up so you can go to school! Please, Addy, We can get ice cream or something after school today, you can't be late!"

"NO!" She yelled again.

Being her legal guardian was no longer my favorite thing. 

I rubbed my face with my hand, trying to keep my sanity. Adelaide stomped and bellowed into the living room, flopping and wallering around in her tears and typical three-year-old drama. I scooped her up onto my hip and grabbed my keys. 

I had a spare of almost everything in the car, so I knew I could put her shoes on when we arrived. Her hair was still a mess, the little of it that there was, but I'd just put it up along with her shoes.

When we got to her daycare/preschool, her teachers stared holes into me. 

"Hi, sorry we're a little off of time. Addy has been uncooperative this morning," I awkwardly chuckled, getting no reaction from them.  Addy spotted her teachers and bolted for them. "Baby, your shoes!" 

"I- Ms. Evens, we're all good. You may leave now," An old lady spoke. 

Bitch what the fuck?

"Sorry, just trying to put her shoes on and put her hair up, she was awful this morning, and I have no one to help with her. Please cut me some slack," I requested, getting a blank expression from all of them.