How can I forget? | BILLIE EILISH

𝒮𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃.

Billie's Pov-

!ALCOHOL/ALCOHOLISM! 

After successfully putting Adelaide to bed, I found my way back to the living area and plopped down on the sofa.

How did Jess not get lonely? It was so quiet and lonely. There was no movement, and the only thing I could hear was my fucking thoughts. And even then, I think the silence was loud enough to the point where I could hear nothing.

I didn't want to text Jess because she was working, and I knew she wanted to get home as fast as she could. She looked so tired when she dropped Adelaide off earlier, and it made my heart hurt for her. She worked so hard for Addy and herself, and she wouldn't stop either. 

Jess was so devoted to Addy, and it made me laugh sometimes because when she first met Addy, she had so much hatred for her. Just because it was her father's new child, and of course that had to be hard.

Eventually, I fell asleep, which was weird, because I haven't been able to sleep since I spent the night with Jess. Maybe it was the fact that I was in her house? Or maybe that the blankets and the pillows and everything she owned smelled like her. I promise you I didn't sniff all of her shit, it was just the stuff I had slept with just smelt of her. 

* * * *

"I'm home!" Jess shouted, practically busting open the door to her apartment. 

"Hey baby, how was work?" I asked, looking up from my phone. Jess wasn't her typical self. She had been drinking, and it made sense because she was a lot later than she said she would've been. "Have you been drinking? Did you drive home drunk?!"

"What? Pfft, I'm fine," She slurred. Why was she drinking again?

"No, you aren't! Here, come sit down,"  I jumped up and helped her to walk to the couch, even though she fought me the entire time. "Jess, stop! You're drunk out of your fucking mind! What happened?"

Stupid of me to ask her, I'm aware.

"I"m fine, Billie. I want to kiss you," She stated.

"Jess just lay down,"

I closed Adelaide's bedroom door softly, so if she heard anything Jess said or I said, it would've been muffled, and if Jess started yelling she would have a higher chance of sleeping. Then, I grabbed a pack of makeup wipes from the bathroom, so I could clean her face off. 

When I walked back into the living room, Jess was in and out of sleep. "Jess, here, look up," I instructed. Jess flopped her head around a few times but stopped when she felt my hand on her head. 

I placed a makeup wipe over my hand and began wiping her face off gently, removing any makeup she had on. 

"I'm sorry," She whispered.

"Why? What happened Jess?" 

"I was so tired, Billie. No one saw how fucking tired I was..." She trailed off and squeezed her eyes shut, hiccuping as she tried to get air to her lungs. Jess hid her pain so well and I felt terrible for not noticing. 

"Baby, it's going to be okay, hold my hand, here," 

Jess tightly gripped my hand as she broke into a million little pieces. 

"I-I had to be s-strong for Addy, and I just can't do it anymore," She sobbed. I lifted her weak body and held her in my arms. How could one go from being perfectly fine to being completely ruined? 

The thing was, she was never fine. 

Why didn't she tell me? 

"What's going on, Jess?" I asked, knowing something had to be serious to tear her up so much. She began crying harder and louder.