Long Hard Road Out Of Hell (Marilyn Manson) ON HOLD

Disassociative

"Now, to a lot of people you are perceived as "perf" or "goals". Do you have anything embarrassing you're willing to tell us so we feel better about ourselves?"

I laughed and thought of what I could say that would be appropriate. I finally thought of one, and although it wasn't that appropriate, I began to explain anyway.

"Right, so basically, what happened was, it was around 1 in the morning, and normally I would've still been awake but Manson forced me to go to sleep at a reasonable time because it would be my second day back at school in the morning, and apparently second days are always the hardest. So it was around 1 and I woke up and rolled over and then I was like "shit". My butt felt really wet so I turned the lamp on and flung the covers back and sure enough, there was a massive great big red stain in the middle of the bed sheets and on the back of my white leggings."

I paused and looked at people's reaction. They were all cringing.

"Yeah, I know," I said, raising an eyebrow. That earned a couple laughs and I carried on. "See the reason I wasn't prepared for this hellish visit was because I had actually missed my last period so I hadn't had one for two months... And I just forgot about it." I said with a shrug. "To be honest, at the time I thought I was going to be the Next Virgin Mary." I laughed at my own joke and carried on the story.

"So I was like "what the actual fuck am I going to do?" And after like 10 minutes of freaking out I decided the first thing was to shower, change into clean underwear and put a pad on, so I undressed and shoved my leggings into a carrier bag, there was no way that stain was going to come out so I thought I'd just throw it away, and showered, ruining the loofa in the process."

I stopped and giggled until I was out of breath, I was literally making myself laugh at my own stupidity.

"But don't think I was safe. Oh no," the audience started laughing, causing me to laugh even more. "Right, so I got out of the shower and got a new pair of underwear, you know, all hunky dory, and then, boom. Complete mental breakdown. I couldn't find any fucking pads."

By this time I was wiping tears from my eyes I was laughing so much, it didn't help that Graham kept giggling to himself the whole time.

"But can you imagine?" I carried on after composing myself. "I'm a teenage girl in her idols house that hasn't even lived there for very long, and now she decided to ruin nearly everything she touches with her vaginal discharge. It's like, "way to go you prick!""

By now everyone in the audience was screaming and Graham kept putting his head in his hands.

"I decided that I should worry about pads later and start to worry about what I'm going to do with the bed sheets. I wasn't going to go back to sleep on them because that would be gross and I knew I couldn't use bloody bed sheets until someone noticed because that's just mental, so I thought, "I have to wash them." So I stripped the sheets off and bundled them up and carried them downstairs into the utility room where Manson keeps the washing machine, and was about to put them in when I realised, I have no fucking idea how to do this." I threw my head back in laughter, causing any audience members that weren't already laughing to join in.

"I thought maybe I should just throw them in and put a random setting on, but I thought that might shrink them or blow the machine up so I devised a cunning plan. I looked in the big washing basket and took out every black thing in there and threw everything in the washing machine, shut the door and pretended like they were actually getting washed. My excuse for when Manson asked when I came back from school was that I wanted to do the washing but didn't know how so I saved him the trouble of separating the blacks from the whites, and thankfully he just turned the machine on without checking what was in there because if he had sorted through it and found those bed sheets I would've moved back into the care home, I'm not even kidding.