Long Hard Road Out Of Hell (Marilyn Manson) ON HOLD

High End Of Low

Marilyn's POV

I woke up with a start, and for the fraction of a second between sleeping and waking up I didn't realise anything was wrong until I felt Dixie's hand still in mine, and all of the memories came flooding back, and trust me, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Tears filled my eyes again, but I refused to let them fall. All I've done is cry so far and that's not going to do anyone any good. I looked at Dixie and she was in the same condition she was yesterday. Nothing had improved, but on the plus side, nothing had worsened. I yawned and pulled my phone out of my pocket, initially to check the time, but instead opened the Twitter app as I had far more notifications on there than usual.

It didn't take me long to find the source of all the attention. Someone had taken a picture of the accident right after it happened, probably some dickhead on the street who decided to document it instead of help. The picture was quite blurry but you could tell it was me holding someone, and it wouldn't take a genius to figure out who that person was, even with her change in hair colour. I could feel my hands shake more and more as my anger increased. I knew I should've put the phone down, but I couldn't help but look at the replies which, as I expected, ended up with my phone hitting the wall at the other end of the room.

"Guardian"
When you're a single dad and your daughter starts her first period
Is it really such a bad thing though? I mean she is crushing Manson's career
What ever doesn't kill you is gonna leave a scar ;)
I don't even need to wonder whether it's Marilyn's fault anymore
Lmao no wonder Dita didn't want to have kids with him

I'm sure there were positive messages in there somewhere but I didn't keep my phone in my hand long enough to find out. Up until now the thought of Dixie not making it hadn't crossed my mind and I'm fucking glad it didn't. I started freaking out, I couldn't see straight and I was trying to focus on something to bring me back to reality, but it felt like the only other person that was present in the world, or at least the confined white room, was the one I had potentially shorted the life span of.

I'm absolutely certain Dixie would've been better of in that adoption centre, which is saying something because adoption centres aren't a good place to be, especially at her age. If I had just left it she would still be there, in England, with her original friends without all of this excess heartache. I won't know what I would do if she decides to go back, if she even wakes up at all. I wouldn't be able to live with myself, I wouldn't be able to live without her. A small part of me is hoping she stays as, as selfish as it is, my career is at its highest point and I won't be able to go on if she isn't here. I'd either give up my career or completely end my life, that was undoubtable. It's like she has everything that's important to me all balled up inside her, and if she leaves, she's taking all of it with her.

I thought I was going to be dragged under by the current of my depressing thoughts when a knock at the door whipped me out if whatever universe I was in and left me with a ringing in my ears.

"I brought you some breakfast." Dita said to me sympathetically, holding out something that was wrapped up in paper with the McDonalds logo printed all over it.

"Thank you, I'll have it later." I took the food off her and put it too the side, hoping to use the excuse of it going cold to avoid eating it. No one was more surprised than me for turning down McDonalds, but the thought of eating made me want to throw up. I realised my phone was still at the other side of the room so I went to get it as Dita began to talk to me.

"How's she doing?" Dita asked, looking at Dixie.

"Same as before. Nothing's changed. Not one thing." I said sadly, walking back to Dixie's bed side and sitting down. I noticed the headphones were still in her ears and I went to take them out, but instead plugged my phone in and played the High End Of Low album, one, because it's one of her favourites and two, because I couldn't be bothered to pick a song.

"Well it's only been one day. I'm sure they'll bring her out of it soon enough."

"She wouldn't have to be brought out of anything if it wasn't for me." I said flatly.

"Marilyn, stop it will you?" Dita complained, making me look at her in disbelief. "We know it was your fault, hell, the whole hospital probably knows by now. Blaming yourself every 5 minutes isn't going to make things better, is it?"

There it is again, mother tone.

"Well what else do you expect me to do?" I snapped. The last thing I needed was getting told off for expressing my emotions in the only way that was harmless.

"You can talk to her. People say coma patients can still hear what's going on around them. Why don't you tell her things that'll make her happy instead of spreading your negative vibes."

"I can't." I sighed after a lengthy pause. "It'll make me hurt even more than I am now, knowing I'm the reason she can't reply."

"Talk to me then." Dita reasoned, even though I could hear the irritation in her voice. I knew it was being a depressing sap but I couldn't stop.

"About what?"

"I don't know, anything!" She snapped.

"Should I start explaining the theory of evolution?" I shouted back, annoyed that she was forcing me to talk, though it would probably help me a lot as she's nearly always right.

"Just say what's on your mind, get stuff off your chest!"

"You want me to get stuff off my chest?" I asked her, standing up to get level with her but instead ended up towering over her.

"Yes!" She didn't back down, something I was surprised at, instead she tried to imitate my height but stretching her neck up, causing her to sneer, intentionally or not I couldn't tell.

"Fine, I miss you!" I screamed. This time she did back down. She stepped back and looked at me in confusion and worry as I breathed heavily, the ringing in my ears returning. "Happy?" I asked rhetorically, sitting back down in the chair and looking at the floor.

"I'm not happy, I'm glad," She said softly. "Because I miss you too."

A/N
I know it's short please don't kill me but I'm in a weird mood and can't concentrate, but in order to make the song Dixie will eventually write make sense, I have to include the references in the chapters and I can't do that properly if my mind is all over the place.
<3