Long Hard Road Out Of Hell (Marilyn Manson) ON HOLD

WOW

4th of July. An American holiday I'm completely unfamiliar with. All I know is that people choose this particular day not to hate their country and get black out drunk before 4pm. Speaking of getting drunk, me and my friends were at Kendall's house, getting ready to throw a party, even though it was only 10:29am. I decided on being overly patriotic and wore an American flag vest top with some black wash shorts and a pair of American flag converses I stole from Jenny. I also dyed my hair bright red in the spur of the moment.

"Hey Dixie, can I talk to you for a second?" Anthony asked, motioning to the door.

"Sure." I walked out of Kendall's room, but not before looking back to her to see her smirking at me, which I returned, and me and Anthony spoke in the hall.

"Oh my god, now I've started this I wish I hadn't. This is awkward." He laughed nervously and ran his hand threw his hair.

"What?" I asked, wondering what the hell was going on.

"Is there anything going on between you and Kendall?"

"I don't see how that is any of your business." I replied quickly, my voice monotone. Even I didn't know if there was anything going on. I mean, I've stayed at her house multiple times in the past month or so, and I admit we've been close to kissing a couple times but we never actually have, and it definitely has nothing to do with Anthony.

"Because I like you. I like you a lot, but I've been noticing the way you and Kendall have been acting around each other and then I worried you weren't straight-"

"Wait, you worried I wasn't straight? It doesn't concern you, therefore you shouldn't fucking "worry" about my sexuality." I snapped. "Let's get one thing straight here," pun not intended, "even if I was gay or bi or whatever, I would not come out to you like this because this is very forced and uncomfortable for me, and I probably wouldn't come out to you anyway, because like I've said many times, it doesn't fucking concern you. Oh, and one more thing, even if you did have a chance of getting with me, that chance has gone out the window now that you may have just pressured me into coming out before I was ready based on your sexual needs."

I walked back into Kendall's room and slammed the door, diverting everyone's attention towards me.

"Are you okay?" Erin asked, noticing my anger. "Where's Anthony?"

"Bathroom." I said loudly so he could hear me, and sure enough, I heard footsteps walking away and a door shutting. "What have we got planned for today?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Well, the party is going to start at noon and we've invited as many people as possible, and then at whatever time we want we're all going out on the town and do whatever, and then in the evening we're going to go up onto the field and watch the fireworks." Kendall explained, her smile getting wider the more she spoke.

"Cool." I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and saw Dita was calling me. "I need to take this, I'll be right back." Luckily, as I was leaving Kendall's room, Anthony was coming back so I took this opportunity to push past him as I walked out. I leaned against the wall and put the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hey love, I was just wondering if you're going to go to that model try out tomorrow?" Shit. I'd forgotten about that and I though she had too.

"Maybe, I don't know." I said after signing.

"Well, decide by tonight so I know if I have to take you tomorrow, and I'll be with you the whole time if you do decide to go so you won't be alone. It's all up to you."

"Okay, I'll definitely think about it." I said with a smile.

"Okay, I'll let you get back to your friends. Enjoy your day darling." She hung up and I hugged the phone to my chest. I loved Dita do much it wasn't even funny, but I still missed Manson like crazy. He hasn't called me since the adoption papers which was on the 14th of June, 20 days ago. All I could think was that he was fucking Lindsay instead of calling me. I know that sounds like I'm jealous, but he's supposed to look out for me, and calling isn't a huge burden. He obviously has his phone on him as he's tweeting. I guess he just can't be bothered to talk to me.