inside my head

my dream

i have this dream for the future. ill get out of high school. fifty one days... ill get my fasfa and get my dorm on vu campus. ill go into psychology and history and learn amazing things. such amazing things. human history, the thoughts of ancient peoples.

ill get a good job in town, make money and maybe save up in my secret savings account ill open and get a head start on investments and stuff for retirement.

after that ill have my college degree and find a small cozy place to live with carl, well get married in a beautiful glowing wedding, carl will kiss me with happy tears in his eyes. 

after were married well travel a bit with our savings. enjoy life together. when we get into our late twenties will have our first baby, i wanted a boy but maybe a girl too. a little baby for us to raise. half of our bodies always molded together, to make a new person. 

a new person, someone better than the both of us with dreams of their own.

ill be a psychiatrist, or a rock star, or a historian.

ill help people who are like me.

well have a nice house, with a decently sized family. some pets, a view of woods, Cajun crawdads boiling on the stove,

ill be free from everything that ive ever been stuck in.

ill hold my baby in my arms, brush their hair back with my thumb, kiss their tender forehead and hear their small little breaths. 

thats what i suffer for. for carl, our babies, our doggies and kitties and fishes and maybe even a de stunkified skunk baby. 

and ill kiss carl with tears in my eyes, dance with him in the kitchen in just small sways on days we're alone or maybe just after our kids our asleep. 

ill feel his heartbeat in my back muscles as we lay down to sleep, and it will be the best rest of my life.

sometimes we sleep together, when we're able. he snuggles close and holds me until were sleepy enough to move on our own and then just fall asleep slightly touching. 

his leg over mine his arm across my back. 

were snuggled under my scooby blanky. sweet sweet scooby blanky. 

he'll sing the sunshine song like he always does when i need to feel that little extra love. 

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are gray, you dont know dear, how much i love you, please dont take my sunshine away..

he sings me that when i sound sad at night or when he feels a lot of love for me swell. 

you are my sunshine...