inside my head

tattoos

its days like these the urge to poke holes in my body and cover myself in ink is almost uncontrollable. I wish i could get a tattoo. and Pierce my face again. 

little moments like that make living a little easier. 

I want a tattoo for dauntless. yes dauntless. im a nerd leave it alone. the point is i like the definition. brave, spunky, unshakable. without fear. I love that. I want to be dauntless. i think i used to be. 

damn brain driving me crazy all over.

tattoos mark a chapter in your life, piercings prove to yourself you can stand to have a new one. 

little spider bites on my lip. the right side because the nerve has been ripped on the left. 

my eyebrows too possibly if it is not to much. my ears redone would be lovely. if i ever get my belly to stop swelling and hurting i will get my belly button repeirced as well. 

amazing how knocking in a few extra holes in yourself reminds you your human. reminds me im human. that i feel. that my shell is mortal, that i am strong, i am iron willed no turning back unable to stop being what it is i was born to be, be that a freak, a visionary, a punching bag. maybe just an ear that will listen when the wounded cry and must hear a shout back. 

punching holes, drawing lines, slinging ink around me to stain my past.

moody is not my friend anymore. hes moving to California. he wants to end our friendship to make it easier on the both of us. 

id much rather bash my head in and my meds wont let me. 

writing makes things so much easier. so much cleaner inside my mind. it feels like its taking off layers of rotting bandages and decaying earth. like im digging down to my roots and finding the green left there so i can replant it in better soil. 

im so deep lol. 

something in my feels just gone today. ive turned off to recharge my batteries after today. today today lets storm and rain and throw your car off the road and be loud and smelly and scare your dog and soak your jeans and be a yucky yucky bad day. scare you with our noises from the sky. kill your mood when your music just lifts it so you cant handle anymore give you girls with fake tan to sneer and comment. 

damn day. 

so tired. bad dreams again. side effects and all. bad dreams leaves me even more unrest. this must be how my cell phone feels after its been used for days and cant seem to charge. ive been put on my charger and its just charging slow. 

i think ill go now and sleep. just sleep like a baby.