inside my head

just killing time

bleeh. to much sandwich in one sub

even though doing yoga has made me more aware to my body i wont lie it sucks. like bad. not the yoga i love the yoga i mean the eating. i cant help it its like i know my body is full and happy right here but then all of a sudden im like no must finish and keep shoveling it in and then my bodies like dude what are you doing and i pay for it later. 

i get fat in a ate to much at the buffet tonight way and then the stress will swell my organs and ill just be fat.

stupid. i need to listen to my body and stop seeing it as a challenge. it is not a challenge.

I had such bad dreams last night about desert islands and being a lady like person and basketball boy and hair and being made to dress up so incredible fancy you would think i was a Victorian noble.

my sister marring a jerk and having to treat her kids like rags. my little niece kenny sweating in an ugly jungle fever.

it was so confusing. and bad. and sad. i wanted to punch it all.

today some girls were really snotty. the livia twins. one was mocking a friend of mine for saying something about punching babies. he said he was so mad that he wanted to punch a baby. she said he must be a horrible person and who says that. 

mina retorted that everyone says that its an expression for something bad.

later on that day twitchy (fake name) was talking about facts for a debate and all of a sudden she retorts back a fact in a mocking way like a little whiny voice.

id love to tel her shes fat, her boobs are wonky and she has a tan so ugly she looks like a bit of dirty peed on sand, or possibly burned toast. 

i hate to sound mean but honest opinion. thats all it is. not fat in the fat way fat in the everything oozes way. fat in the too lazy to move way. 

im judgmental apparently. 

oh well when you have it punched into you i guess you cant keep it out of your mind all the time. 

so tired and drained. i hope i have no more dreams. just no more dreams left.