inside my head

who i am who im not and who i wanna be

who am i? has that question ever popped into your heads? who the hell am i.

i cant figure it out and im starting to think i dont really want to know.

i do but i dont think ill like the answer.

am i a bully

a doormat

a bitch

a psycho

a weakling

someone who will never fit into the mold the made me?

i dont think i was meant to be here. i think i belong somewhere else.

somewhere more open

someplace where people dont care if black is my favorite color, or if i wear my hair in pony tails.

someplace people dont care if ive been in love with the same man since we were 13.

someplace where loyalty until death is a good thing.

i belong in a book, in a world that doesn't exsist, where i can be a vampire like ive wanted to be since i was six years old.

but who am i?

am i my fathers daughter? my husbands wife? the baby sister?

stix has come home.

i waited for him to. he could always be there until he had to go.

stix was steady. so steady. he never waivered in himself. it was good to see him.

if he could be steady so could i.

but i guess it doesnt matter if i am steady if im missing does it?

i missed a pill. i shouldnt have. i missed two.,

to long out of me and now my legs have gone.

i wish i knew who i was. maybe if i make a list of me it will help.

i am 18 almost 19

my hair is dark like my grandmothers

i love animals so much that i cant watch the commercials for them

i am so short peole squat down to me and i hate it.

i like things to be big and open but feel comfortably crowded.

music is one of the only things i havent lost

my older sister loves me

my daddy works so hard for me

mom is happy that i am leaving highschool in 3 days

i have a doggy, her name is lexi, she is my furry world.

i love my scooby blanky

i love my Carl bear.

i am going crazy, but it might get better now.

i love history.

i love books.

this isnt helping. i still dont know who i am.

i still dont know how to find out who i am

god i just wish i could turn myself off and on light a light so that i could turn off now and finally get a rest from myself. i want to rest. i need to rest.

to make my head stop hurting and my belly stop hurting and make everyone stop looking at me like they do.

pushing me out of the circle.

glairing at my face and back.

stairing at my nose ring and my pony tails

hating the way i sit cross legged in my chair, my bare feet, my baggy clothes.

i dont need baggy you know, im not fat, i just get made fun of for having big boobs.

cover up stop dressing that way. i only wore a tank top a few times.

it was so hot.

now i just boil under all my clothes.

baggy shirt, jacket, no shorts.

i could wear clothes i like if they left me alone. stop sending me to the office all the time for my face and knees and ideas.

leave me alone. please

let me rest

rest in peace.