inside my head

dream

TWO HOUR DELAY DAY! I had a dream i owned a water park today and all of the little plastic mummy people we had set up came alive and my boyfriend was one of them and the water park was in my Attic and he slipped and discovered Atlantis... Im still trying to figure out what this means.

I woke up Carl to wish him a happy birthday. He said thanks love you and fell back asleep. I want a new tattoo really bad. One to represent my panic and anxiety but still makes me think that i can push through it and be stronger.

I wanna do yoga again to calm me down but my bedroom is so small and I hate to see the people in my house so i have no room and people tend to look at you strange if you start in on the salute to the sun in personal finance.

I wonder if my pregnant teacher would like to join in on pregnancy yoga. I bet they make you roll around like a ball.

English class. Were not doing anything to me but the guy sitting next to me, we shall call him gold, wont shut up. some people wonder why you dont like them or why they have no one to talk to. I think its all about the subject matter. Gold obviously has no idea that people dont care about him buying a new hard drive or how many cable ports or whatever. He wants to make a drill powered pencil. Meanwhile im sitting here wondering if its legal to even have a "loaded" power drill inside the building much less on your lap. I kinda wish i had pepper spray or something so i could spray him and run.

You could totally threaten someone with a power drill... NOBODY MOVES OR THE GIRL GETS IT. He could totally drill a hole in my skull through the temple, I wonder if his useless prattle is a distraction so he could pull it on me...

now hes singing "somebodies gonna hurt someone before the night is through." thats totally a threat. IM ONTO YOU GOLD! YOU WILL NOT DRILL MY HEAD!

my chest is starting to get tighting thinking of this and its carls birthday so i cant let myself give into those voices that are telling me to run away because my brain doesn't need a vent hole.

i bet brains stink anyways. I have to admit that it feels nice to write all this stuff down.

my friend, we'll call him moody, gave me a spiked necklace collar yesterday to wear, i really like it but i dont want carl to be jealous. he found it while cleaning out his garage and asked me if i wanted it and i said yes so he let me have it.

i keep thinking ill get busted with it in my pocket at school and go to jail for having a "weapon". those necklaces are against the school rules because they could be used to hurt someone or ourselves. oh yes mrs principle. Im going to ran my chin down to my neck really fast so i can stab my under face. better not give me no sass.

Gold just sang. " Its gonna be a heartache tonight." I swear im onto his code. God its cold i want my scooby blanket. really bad.

my body is starting to curl in on myself again. it felt like everyone was watching me at lunch today. everyone i didnt want looking at me.

my best friend wants a name in this story. I will call her Mina. Like Nina but with an M.

I think im gonna stop for right now before Gold gets wise and starts doing the other the shoulder read.... I wish everyone would back off and let the walls move outward. I cant breath there so close now.

Today has to be a good day, do it for carl!

Sometime i think Carl is a jerk and he doesnt love me. It makes me really mad.

Happy birthday to him.